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STORYTIME (permalink) 05.26.2005
in a world before call notes
i'm starting to feel like my father-in-law, in certain regards at least. he had seven kids. when they were older, the phone in his home rang thirty plus times a day. over a month we're talking about almost a thousand calls. for sure, i've worked at help desks that got less traffic than this. and of all those calls, you know how many of them were for him? not a one.

legend goes that on the rare occasions when he was the only one home, he'd be sitting in the living room watching a sunday tv movie or the like, eating a sandwich. if the phone rang, he'd pick it up and simply say "they're not here right now" and hang up. when the family returned they would ask if anyone called. yes. who was it? i don't know. what do you mean you don't know? i don't know, i didn't ask. the girls would go and complain to their mother who would come in and ask why he couldn't take a message. his response; i couldn't reach a pen.

now i'm certainly not there yet and i don't plan on ever having seven kids but when you consider the fact that bella is four and already gets more calls than me, this more resembles my future than it does not.

WEB (permalink) 05.25.2005
your cyber-docent
what you are looking for is over here.

FILM (permalink) 05.20.2005
genuflecting the maker, george lucas

a review:

holy damn!

PERSONAL (permalink) 05.19.2005
talk of circumcision and masturbation just don't run them off like it used to
i currently have a few too many friends. and gobs more acquaintances than i'd ever know what to do with. so it's time to thin the herd a bit.

ok. what to share? i just want to run a few of you off. not too many, certainly not everyone. ok. i got it. hows about this:

i liked the film legally blonde a lot. and, not as in, i liked it for what it was. i liked it a whole lot, period.

i reckon that should take a few of you out at the knees. it's been real. best of luck. have a super summer. xoxoxo.

ok. carry on. that will be all for today.

QUOTES, BOOKS, FAITH (permalink) 05.18.2005
do you have faith? this guy does.
Under the new rules, Matilda was no longer allowed to drive, handle money, or talk to anyone outside the family when Dan wasn't present, and she had to wear a dress at all times. The children were pulled out of school and forbidden to play with their friends. Dan decreed that the family was to receive no outside medical care; he began treating them himself by means of prayer, fasting, and herbal remedies. In July 1983, when their fifth child was born, a son, Dan delivered the baby at home and circumcised the boy himself.

They began raising much of their own food, scavenging the rest from dumpsters behind grocery stores, where stale, unsold bread and overripe produce were regularly discarded. Dan turned off the gas and electricity. No publications of any kind were allowed in the home, except Latter Day Saints books and magazines. Dan even got rid of all their watches and clocks, believing the should "keep time by the spirit." When Matilda disobeyed Dan, he spanked her.

Spank was the verb Dan used. According to Matilda, the blows he delivered felt more like "thumps". And when he thumped her, he often did it in front of Dan's mother, his brothers, and all their children. Afterward, he warned Matilda that if she continued to disobey, she would be forced out of the marriage without her children - who, according to the principles elucidated in The Peace Maker, were the father's property.

Dan also announced that he intended to engage in spiritual wifery at the earliest opportunity. And the first woman he proposed taking as a plural wife was Matilda's oldest daughter - his own stepdaughter.
excerpt from Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer

PERSONAL (permalink) 05.17.2005
a bran muffin and yogurt with a crispy creme chaser
given one half of my diet i should look like calista flockhart and given the other half i should look like ralphie may.

so i guess when you balance it all out, it explains why people think i look like this.

SCIENCE (permalink) 05.11.2005
you could damn-near suck a marble through the thing
statement of fact:
mcdonalds coke tastes better than anyone else's coke.

statement of fact:
the reason for this is the fat straw.

go ahead and sick the myth-busters on it. i'm right.

PERSONAL (permalink) 05.10.2005
hey! this stuff really works great! (hold bottle to camera. smile.)
as a younger man i had certain fanciful visions of what my future might hold for me. now that i'm a few mile markers into the journey, i can attest, with great certainty, that i didn't expect things to more resemble a zout commercial than anything else given the vast array of possibilities.

WEB (permalink) 05.04.2005
it beats squat-dopey-guy-designs
it's quite remarkable what a fella can achieve when he's not trying to entertain a bunch of folks he doesn't even know.

wide feet designs

PERSONAL, KIDS (permalink) 05.03.2005
for the record
in regard to yesterday's post about our four year old's blue language, i'd like to add i never use the phrase 'stupid-ass' but do have a certain lady-friend i'm married to who will on occasion drop the 'stupid-ass' bomb.

for those keeping score of who is responsible for bad words uttered by our kids, the tally currently stands at marty, two and troy, zero. although it's a rather empty victory because when bella finally does get around to floating a true troyism out there for our relatives or her classmates and either gets the family ostracized or herself expelled, i think marty's going to argue for a greater point value. but worry not, i'll negotiate it down ... to a double digit offense at least.

PERSONAL, KIDS (permalink) 05.02.2005
you should hear what she calls her stuffed cat
at alex's 2-year birthday party, all four grandparents were very impressed when bella said something was 'despicable' although it sounded more like 'spicable'.

the same could not be said this same evening when she later called one of her teddy bears a 'stupid-ass' which pretty much came out sounding like 'stupid-ass'.

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