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COMPUTER (permalink) 09.30.2002
get yourself something nice
i made my first impulse buy on ebay last night. i was simply doing some research on the original palm V and seeing if anyone was selling them. i'm convinced that these units have been cheaped up over the last few years and not made like they were back in the early days. i also haven't been right since mine broke seemingly forever ago and i've been using a museum ready palm III.

anyway, i hop onto ebay and what do i spy at the top of the search results but a like new palm V maturing in 20 minutes. not only is it a palm V but the auction includes a hard case (which i already have), a targus keyboard (for ultra dorkdom), a usb savvy docking cradle (for that macintosh at home) and a neoprene cover as an extra parting gift. and all this for an opening bid of $100. only one guy bid on it so it was sitting at a modest $110 and i mean what can you say, the guy is, and i'm sure we can chant this together, giving it away. last time i was in the accessories aisle this potpourri of items would gig your credit card a clean $500 plus. i honestly didn't think my bid of $112.50 would make it through but, well since i'm writing about this i reckon you can intuit the outcome.

as part of my rationalizing this bout of weakness i've concluded that since i don't routinely go to the mall and can't even tune into the home shopping network given my rabbit-ears cable situation, i guess it's only fitting i tank an occasional c-note on ebay.

now, i'm sure it goes without saying that there is no reason to tell marty about any of this. she's got a lot on her mind. agreed. good.

PERSONAL (permalink) 09.27.2002
no, i didn't mean it like that
ok, first off. thanks for the support everyone sent on the interview deal. it made a rather harrowing day a little less harrowing. given your interest, i guess i shouldn't leave you hanging.

the first interview didn't go as hoped. somewhere in the selection process there was a disconnect. essentially, i said i'm a web designer/developer and they said "oh you're a gutter repairman? Perfect! that's exactly what we need." so that one didn't really pan out so well.

the second position holds greater promise. they are actually looking for a web designer/developer. i feel as though that interview came off pretty well. although i think at one point i may have given the questioner the impression that i get aroused by coding web pages. and yeah, i do mean that kind of aroused. so i may need to turn the excitement level down a notch as to not terrify any potential employers. i go back there tomorrow (1pm cst) for the technical interview and should know something early next week. i'll keep you posted, assuming i don't succumb to the pleasure surrounding updating my web site.

PERSONAL (permalink) 09.26.2002
sit up straight and comb your hair
ok, i've got some bad news for you all. well actually it's bad news for me, but in my mildly egotistic world, that extends to you as well. i was recently told my job was toast. that isn't exactly right. i was told my job was moving. to portland. now don't get me wrong. i love portland. i think it's the most centered city i've seen. but let me tell you something about my life (for a change).

after bella was born a year and a half ago, my mom came out to visit and help. she then returned home and promptly quit her very posh job in pittsburgh to take a very evil job in saint louis just so she could be closer to this tiny non-speaking, non-sleeping bundle of late nights. this was one of the many examples of living by your priorities i've witnessed in my mother.

when my boss was discussing the relocation package i explained that it would have to cover 7 homes and 26 humans. when asked to expound on this need, i countered that that is what it would take to move 4 grandparents, 5 of 7 siblings and a whole gob of screaming cousins to portland because i wasn't going without them, cool city or not. the boss blinked.

so i have two interviews today. i have a couple more in the hopper as well should these not pan out. wish me well at 10 and 2 (cst). otherwise, i'll see you in the unemployment line with an unwashed bella and shoeless marty.

and, by the way, when my parents came over for dinner last night and bella went running to the door with flailing arms and indecipherable greetings, i knew my choice was the right one, regardless of today's outcome.

PERSONAL (permalink) 09.25.2002
it's what works for me
someone recently asked me about the key to my success. for those saying "what success?" i hear you, i really do. but it's all relative and this person was seven years old and well, cut me some slack. after thoughtfully rubbing my chin, ruminating on it and acting successful all the while, i proffered the following sage words to this young lad.

my success is a product of a whole lot of sitting very still and being very quiet in the corner of whatever room i occupy and making interspersed quips about circumcision, digestive disfunctions and revealing very intimate details of my life with total strangers.

ok, so it's a borderline homeless/psychotic strategy but when plied properly it provides stupendous results.

COMPUTER (permalink) 09.23.2002
it's a gap store, but with computers

so friday was the grand opening of the new super mall for saint louis. wanna know how big a deal it was? vern from trading spaces was making an appearance.

saturday morning was the big unveiling our very own apple store in said mall. you know what there is a big difference between? soccer moms who make an event of going to the new super mall and geeks who go to pay homage to a particular brand of computer the day there first local store opens.

earlier in the week man who screams like woman (MWSLW) asked if i was going. sure. you want to go together? sure. ok, i'll meet you at 6. for those not reading the news, this would be four full hours before the doors were to be opened. but, if you wanted a shirt (to the first 1000) you best get their at 6.

since i could make my very own shirt in the same 4 hours, i elected to not join MWSLW. when i arrived shortly before they opened the doors there was a line. there was a line so long that it went down the mall and wrapped around multiple potted trees and lengths of glass handrails blocking the way of the hustling mall-goers. in trying to get through the mass they would anxiously ask what all the ruckus was about. new apple store. what's an apple store? apple is a computer company. hmm, what are they giving away. well, shirts, but that's not why everyone is standing in line. well why then. ... there's a reason these two groups of people don't mix by choice. by the end of my wait i was simply saying "if you gotta ask, i can't explain."

and, by the way, i did get a shirt. i'm wearing it right now. have been since i got it. the next time you see me, i'll still be wearing it. i shower in my new shirt. i mean, i did wait and line and talk to all those silly humans after all. i earned this shirt.

HYGIENE (permalink) 09.20.2002
it wasn't me
the downtown tower i work in is, thankfully, very regimented about their bathrooms and because of this they are consistently very clean and well supplied. to maintain this standard they send cleaning guys around three to four times a day. i often pass by them while attending to my own three to four times a day duties and am always intrigued by the mechanical process in which they perform this task.

their methods are precise and systematic. if you remove the chore at hand one may call it some modern form of interpretive dance. that is until the shockingly jolly fellow walks along the galley of toilets and begins his repetitive review. he slaps the first door open, peers in, checks the toilet paper, wipes the seat, all good. he slaps the second door open, peers in, checks the toilet paper, wipes the seat, all good. he slaps the third door open, peers in and stumbles backward shielding the lower part of his face with his forearm and exclaims "oh, for the love of christ!"

so much for high art.

COMPUTER (permalink) 09.19.2002
give me some palm
in the name of all that is holy (to me) if you are looking to purchase a pda (personal digital assistant), buy a unit, any unit, that runs the Palm OS. WinCE (or wince) devices represent microsoft's bloated and ill-considered attempt at breaking into the market. you know what they did? they shoehorned their desktop operating system into a handheld device. this was the extent of their innovation and in their speed and greed they did not see the shortsightedness of this decision. i won't bore anyone with the multitude of issues related to this improper application of technology, but will rave incessantly to any who may inquire.

so stop looking at the pretty colors and flashy pr and base your decision on an informed assessment of the technology and how you hope it improves your process.

and, if you've already made up your mind about what you're getting (and it's not a palm), stop wasting my time. i could be busy asking you things i want to know about.

WEB (permalink) 09.18.2002
i'm glad speech is free, otherwise i couldn't afford it
icn_web_boycott.gif boycott city is close to being baked. the first pilot users will be introduced to it later this week. very exciting. very exciting indeed. and, it's also why i've been neglecting all that is supposedly important in my life, yes including you pouty-face.

as a legal update, in talking to my lawyer (read, friend from college) about the possible ramifications of such a site he ultimately calmed my fears by saying that should a company elect to pursue monetary litigation, our defense would go something like this:

Your honor, they (evil company) can sue for all they want. I'm not sure what resources they hope to extract out of a couple of hicks working out of their basement in backwoods Missouri though. But, by all means, sue away.

man it's finally paying off to be broke and a rube and living in the fine and open state of missoura. and, my mother said i didn't have a plan.

SOCIETY (permalink) 09.17.2002
i'm glad someone's paying attention
last night as marty and i were reading to bella before bed, eight F-14's rock and rolled over our home. we get occasional fly-by's given a nearby air base, but never anything like this. usually these supercharged jets float by at a modest clip. you know they just went by but that?s about it. last night it began as a low rumble and culminated in four powerful booms which rattled our windows and felt like they were about to fly into our home. as marty and i looked at one another and bella pointed at the ceiling, we heard two more go by followed by yet another two.

someone once told me that if those jets ever really opened it up near occupied areas, they?d blow out windows. i didn?t believe that then, but now do. it was a very eerie experience and one that brought people out of their homes, all standing on the sidewalk and looking up even though we all knew they were long gone.

times they are a changing.

PERSONAL (permalink) 09.16.2002
what in the world is this?
i know i just did one of these but i?ve gotta tell the stories as they come. isabella recently learned how to throw clothes down the laundry chute. last night as i was emptying the bin in the basement i found the following items in addition to our soiled clothing.

a toothbrush
the cover from a magazine
a credit card
a floppy disk
a cup (which i think was half-full when deposited)
and a pair of my boxers that i?d only worn twice last week.

i have so much to teach little bella. everyone knows underwear doesn?t get thrown down until the third wearing. sheesh.

SOCIETY (permalink) 09.13.2002
just thinking
given that no two individuals are identical in belief or opinion i find it astounding that we as a people have made it this far in history. the fact that the whole planet doesn't just break out into a massive gang fight at any given moment is quite the boon.

PERSONAL (permalink) 09.12.2002
17 reasons to stay in therapy
in reading this month?s issue of seventeen, it dawned on me that i have way more in common with the thirteen year old girls who live by this mag than i should be comfortable with.

it?s a good thing i have my josh hartnett pillow to console me at night.

PERSONAL (permalink) 09.10.2002
where'd that come from
take 9 bran muffins sitting in a basket on the counter.

take 1 isabella playing on the counter.

take 2 newish parents occupied in other matters.

do you know what you get?

10 partially eaten bran muffins. don't ask me where the extra one came from. i was hoping you'd know.

FILM (permalink) 09.06.2002
did you know you can rent the anna kournikova work-out video
i recently rented a film called the suburbans. i rented it for the same reason bookguy and i almost rented the straight-to-video triumph 'tart'. it had a beautiful and desirous girl on the very shiny-glossy cover. the starlet in the suburbans is none other than the ultra-fabulous and near-perfect jenifer love hewitt.

five minutes into this flick the grave error in my judgment revealed itself. 20 minutes later it hurt less after seeing HER in a flitty summer dress. a full 47 minutes later my rental paid for itself given a modest but rewarding scene which i do not trust myself to discuss. (drool. slobber. guttural moan. wince. punch face.)

as the credits ran and i was back to feeling low and sad and sorry and a tad lecherous, i swore to never fall to such juvenile frivolity again. part of the therapy included walking the video back to the store (spine down so no one could spy my weakness) and returning it. i rented a replacement video that just happened to catch my eye. the new film, heartbreakers. sure love hewitt is in there and sure i said i wouldn't do this again. but so is sigourney weaver and while she's no jamie lee, i didn't swear off sanity altogether. but whatever, i don't care what y'all think. this looks like a really good and well executed film with high entertainment potential and plenty of cooky zaniness.

[2:07 hours later]

yeah, so i'm back to never doing that again. and i mean it this time. oh. wait just a minute, i didn't know love hewitt was in munchie. i've been meaning to see that. really.

FRIENDS, WEB (permalink) 09.03.2002
mikey likes it, but do you?
someone had the nerve to make this ill-considered attempt of labeling me. what they don't know is i will not, no cannot be tossed into some clicky block of drones, try as you may.

Shabby Chic Social Darwinist (read troy)
This lifestyle is lead by those (read troy) that feel the need to fill their (read troy) lives with the best (read hell yeah). But not the best of everything. They will stop at nothing to acquire a high priced electronic item (i.e. ipod, bmw, powerbook, mp3 car stereo), while wearing the same shoddy clothing (read troy owns one pair of goodwill shorts) for days on end (read 23 days on end). They enjoy conversing with strangers (i.e. you) on uncomfortable topics (i.e. circumcision, sex, basically anything having to do with the penis) and are very free with expressing their (read troy's) opinions, which they (read troy) always (read and i mean always) have. They respect strength (read old spice deoderant) and have no use for the ignorant (read bookpimp) and lazy (read bookpimp again).

it is this kind of adolescent ranting on the internet that gives us all a bad name. it would seem our buddy and pal mr bookpimp has finally, finally hung his web shingle. yeah i know, i feared this day as well. feared the time that bookpimp would learn that it wasn't only people with comp sci degrees and born in odd-dated years on even-dated months who were allowed to have websites and blog incessantly about the inanities of their life. and for the record, whoever enlightened him has some splaining to do.


i'm certain it doesn't take a web designer to assess that you can certainly expect a lot more of this kind of thoughtless prattle each and every day and therefore i suggest you visit michaelcosm frequently and routinely. i know i will to see what kind of libelous things are being said about me and mine.

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