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PERSONAL (permalink) 11.29.2002
well, there was that one time.
i don't like most holidays. i like getting the day off but many times i don't even know what the day of the hour is. thanksgiving is different though. it is one of my more serious holidays. i mean once you get past the fact that it represents the beginning of the end for those pesky indians (*) the base tenet of thanksgiving is pretty cool, and highly needed. as a practice i take some time to think on what i have to be thankful for through the past year. typically the list is short and probably, if compared to someone else's list, a little backwards. i tend to keep it pretty lean, not because there isn't a lot for me to pay homage to but because one statement can usually wrap up the kind of year i had.

for instance this year's item of note is that i'm thankful that the worst experience so far has been the batteries in my gameboy running out twice in the same week. they usually last longer but bella likes the noises the games make and sometimes walks around with the gameboy like it was a portable boom box doing little flutter dances here and there. one such time she left it on and drained the rechargeables. this is bad because i have sadly become addicted to playing gameboy on the john and if i don't have this digital heroin, well let's just say that things don't go as swimmingly as one may like. enough said? hope so. if not, drop me a line and we'll talk, probably for much longer than you you will be comfortable with.

another positive indicator of my life is that when a colleague asked me on wednesday if i would be in on friday i was able to say, "Oh. Friday? I wasn't aware Friday was even a workday."

life is good.

* don't hate me for being facetious, hate me if you don't know what facetious means, but don't hate me for being it.

PERSONAL (permalink) 11.27.2002
from my people to your people this holiday season ... people i like at least


PERSONAL (permalink) 11.22.2002
i tried. i tried really hard.
so Thin When Tan Girl came over for dinner last night with her new special friend whom marty casually refers to, when speaking to me, as big boob-ed brian. it's not that brian himself has a significant rack or anything. it's just that i consistently couldn't remember if his name was ryan or brian. since marty volunteered this easy memory tool, i shockingly am not so confounded.

given Thin When Tan Girl's apprehension about the meeting, i agreed to not talk about circumcision, masturbation or defecation with the big boob-ed one given the maiden meeting, something about first impressions or the like.

i failed miserably.

somewhat on the sly i asked if he was born in america. yes. so you're cut. uhhm, yes. yeah, me too.

then upon learning that he went to an essentially all-male college i intuited, correctly might i add, that he's about a once a day guy.

and we commiserated about the fact that we each had a bowel-challenged coworker in our office who defiled just about every aspect of the clean air act. and each of our guys had fans, conveniently blowing their Pigpen like swill out of their cube into the common areas we are all forced to share. what's with these guys and those damn under the desk oscillating fans. i can't wear a halter top to work but the guy on the pure taco bell diet can install an exhaust fan the size of an boeing plane engine beneath his desk? it just ain't right.

but, it was nice meeting you mammary man and i can assure you that our discourse will become more stimulating once i get to know you better.

WEB, PERSONAL (permalink) 11.21.2002
hey santa, wake up, on your feet! this ain't no rest home!
so bookpimp was asking me if the new what i'm coveting section of the site was a one-time deal or something i looked to maintain and keep updated. after laughing hysterically i assured him that not only will it be routinely updated but it very well may receive more attention than any other part of i mean here it has only been a week and i've already added two new items to the list. i don't want to exclude any exuberant gift givers this holiday season because every recession needs a good shot in the arm to get that economy going again. and no one, and i mean no one, is going to say troy dearmitt didn't do his part to ease any consumeristic angst my fellow citizens may be experiencing.

SOCIETY (permalink) 11.20.2002
gonna kill us some turkeys
so last night we went to a family story time deal at our local library where this very animated lady read all of these great stories and sang billowy songs about hanging, chopping, squishing and burning turkeys, given the coming holiday and all. i'm here to tell you that interspersing a gobble, gobble in-between these horrific tales of mutilation does not right the wrong done in terrorizing these young children so.

all right. so we all know that i was the only one horrified by these images but all i'm saying is clucking funny and fanning your arms about doesn't help soothe my cringing nerves in any way. at least marty was kind enough to give my knee an empathetic pat while i sat staring at the macabre library lady.

FRIENDS, SOCIETY (permalink) 11.19.2002
can you please tell me where your backyard is?
at a chili-fest over the weekend it was e-love and not me that got the conversational ball rolling when he first admitted to taking leaks in the back yard when walking the dog. it was also elove who when trying to tell a story about the breath freshener binaca, accidentally said Bianca, as in the p*rn star, and as in she is what he was occupied in the night before. and then he admitted that, yes, his mom had done time but he would only specifically speak to the incident involving a peace rally and left the drug and prostitution rumors to the listener's imagination.

elove was so busy entertaining the masses i was never called in to pitch. in some ways i felt unnecessary, useless, but in others i felt proud. i felt pride at seeing a comrade not only ignore but actually combat the typical small talk that looks to overwhelm such gatherings and to thwart the mindless prattle that can dig into your chest and remove your desire to continue in the facade. for me, elove has become the guy sitting in the missile silo through the night making sure the world stays a safe and enjoyable place so i don't have to.

although, in leaving the affair it's safe to say that dr j, elove's life partner, does not share my giddiness towards e's maturation. i guess he still has the ever conciliatory Bianca.

WEB (permalink) 11.15.2002
you want a shot at the title?
a few have inquired about this. allow me to answer your question.


the highlights are:
1. submissions are due by january 10.
2. and the first place prize money has doubled.

PERSONAL (permalink) 11.14.2002
women are from venus, men are from pittsburgh
so yesterday i shared my wishlist with you all. in asking marty about what she wanted for christmas, i found we may be a little bit different. you know what she said? she wants to buy a donkey or goat for a family living in a third world country. a goat!

how can two people with so much in common, have so little in common?

WEB, PERSONAL (permalink) 11.13.2002
your money's certainly good here
in anticipation of the coming holiday season, i've created a new section of as to not leave too many of you scratching your heads on what to get your humble but gadget hungry host this year. so i invite you to please visit my personal life registry also know as what i'm coveting.

SOCIETY (permalink) 11.12.2002
how does it even come out
i took part in a conversation over the weekend about the fact that, yes, men do pull their pants all the way down to their ankles when making number two and girls only to their knees, or above their knees to be precise. the boys and girls eyed one another conspiratorially, certain that the other gender was misleading them.

and, just when you thought you had it all figured out, life throws your a squirrelly pitch.

FRIENDS (permalink) 11.08.2002
but i thought you were that midget
i wish that i could just once get an email from buddy james that didn't make me smile, laugh and hate him for his unending wit and charm.

mike and i went to see jackass last week.

honestly, a midget kicking himself in the head equalling laughs really isn't was only memorable on the big screen because it didn't happen at a kelly family reunion.


also, a post script you can appreciate
***dispatch from the reference desk***
some patron just sent a picture of crockett and tubbs to the color printer on my desk. now they'll have to pay $1 for this piece of magic.

hate the buddy james.

FILM (permalink) 11.07.2002
is there a cooler name than johhny knoxville?
even though there's a gob of movies out i'm jonsin' to see (comedian, bowling for columbine, fat greek wedding, auto focus), i've been drawn into two that weren't on my list. first i went to red dragon with elove b/c he wanted to catch it before it left the theaters. as a rule i dislike remakes of movies i like and i've been a longtime fan of the original manhunter (starring to live and die in la's, william peterson) so was suspect of this treatment. but, red dragon is what a remake is supposed to be about. mix it up. make it different. respect the original. dragon handled all of this quite splendidly. kudos.

the second film i didn't really think i'd catch, in the theater at least, is jackass. bomber convinced me to go with about two hours notice, on a weeknight, with he and King. not having the cable i've seen approximately seven minutes of this show so knew the basic premise but am not a closet fan or anything. and surprisingly to all i tell as well as myself, after all the antics these guys went through, the one that sent me scrambling over people's knees and out of the theater was their bit with intentional paper cuts. aaaahhhhh! my back tenses and cramps uncontrollably even thinking back to it. i couldn't cope. the guy drinking his own urine in the form of a snow cone came close, but could not touch paper cuts in the corners of one's mouth. damn. Damn! DAMN!

and the four guys sitting behind us said "oh man, that boy's trippin'" approximately 46 times.

WEB (permalink) 11.01.2002
1 month young
boycott city celebrates one month of life today. while it has not yet been indexed in the major search engines (meaning no foreign traffic), the activity has been respectable given the word of mouth program. in it's first thirty days boycott has registered 21 users who have created 34 unique boycotts with members participating in a total of 61 boycotts. right now the leading boycott is the phrase "too much information" even though the boycott against circumcision should be miles ahead of anything else (come on people, step up).

while bookguy and i were hoping for a more frenzied launch, we averaged one new boycott and two joins a day. should that pace continue, i feel we may have a fairly voluminous collection of information before long.

so thanks for those who have already participated, and for those who haven't, what's up with that.

and for my pilot people, we have not forgotten about your rewards. you will get what was promised. i promise.

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