mono as in one or me. rail as in to vent or complain. thus monorail.


what i'm looking for

what i'm remembering
what i'm eating
who i'm looking like
what i'm coveting

what i'm reading
me vs mla's top 100

me vs afi's top 100

what i'm hearing

The Net
what you're wanting


page me

MONORAIL: BY SUBJECT [current]   [random]
FAITH (permalink) 09.16.2005
i provide embarrassingly affordable translation services
i used to work with a Jehovah's Witness. during this period i was reading the bible on my palm pilot while riding the metro to work. every now and again he would ask what most recently happened so i would tell him and he would try to guess the chapter and verse. for any ex-sunday-school stars this may sound like a no brainer but there is a catch and that catch is my descriptions came in troy-speak and troy-speak sounded something like this:

yeah, so this guy's kicking around, you know, back in the day, and runs into this chic in like an open air market or something. well she's super hot and he's super into her from the start. and she's jonsin' for him too and before you know it they hook up and they're shacking which way back then was a bit of a thing but this is just how into one another they are. but then for some reason god looks in on the dude and totally freaks out. something about the girl being the guy's sister or his brother's wife or the like and god tells him to shag his ass out of her crib or he's going to open up some real biblical whoop-ass on him. so the dude bolts but the locals catch wind of it all and everyone starts calling the girl a hoe-bag and threatening to stone her ass because she gave it up to some dude who was passing through town and turned out to be a relation. but damn, everyone was related back then so i don't know who you could avoid tapping anything less than a first cousin.

to his credit, chris was quite gifted at deciphering these modern translations.

FAITH, KIDS, SCIENCE (permalink) 07.05.2005
from the 'saying it doesn't make it so' stack
somehow, google listed my site as a resource to someone searching for information about masturbating children. i've never really considered myself an authority on masturbation but after four seconds of consideration i realized that, for reasons i'd rather not iterate through, i'm quite qualified to speak on the topic. and for an even greater number of reasons i'd especially rather not iterate through, i very well may be one of the foremost available authorities on the subject.

with this new mandate on my plate, i thought i'd spin around the web a bit and see what the competition was up to. it took less than eight mouse clicks to stumble upon this little morsel issued by our friends at the mormon church, steps in overcoming masturbation.

do i need to bother saying more is coming in regard to this document or is it as obvious as an erection in math class.

for the slow-witted or those using all their brain's resources trying not to touch their naughty parts, there WILL BE MORE COMING in regard to this document.

QUOTES, BOOKS, FAITH (permalink) 06.01.2005
i just can't get enough of this stuff. never ever.
During pretrial hearings, Ron's behavior in the courtroom served to underscore his lawyers' contention that he was mentally incompetent. He appeared with a cloth sign attached to the seat of his prison jumpsuit that read, EXIT ONLY; his attorneys explained that he wore the sign to ward off the Mormon angel Moroni, who Ron believed was an evil homosexual spirit trying to invade his body through his anus. He believed that this same sodomizing spirit had already taken possession of Judge Hansen's body, which is why Ron made a point of shouting profanities at the judge and addressing him with such epithets as "Punky Brewster" and "f*cking punk."
excerpt from Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer

QUOTES, BOOKS, FAITH (permalink) 05.18.2005
do you have faith? this guy does.
Under the new rules, Matilda was no longer allowed to drive, handle money, or talk to anyone outside the family when Dan wasn't present, and she had to wear a dress at all times. The children were pulled out of school and forbidden to play with their friends. Dan decreed that the family was to receive no outside medical care; he began treating them himself by means of prayer, fasting, and herbal remedies. In July 1983, when their fifth child was born, a son, Dan delivered the baby at home and circumcised the boy himself.

They began raising much of their own food, scavenging the rest from dumpsters behind grocery stores, where stale, unsold bread and overripe produce were regularly discarded. Dan turned off the gas and electricity. No publications of any kind were allowed in the home, except Latter Day Saints books and magazines. Dan even got rid of all their watches and clocks, believing the should "keep time by the spirit." When Matilda disobeyed Dan, he spanked her.

Spank was the verb Dan used. According to Matilda, the blows he delivered felt more like "thumps". And when he thumped her, he often did it in front of Dan's mother, his brothers, and all their children. Afterward, he warned Matilda that if she continued to disobey, she would be forced out of the marriage without her children - who, according to the principles elucidated in The Peace Maker, were the father's property.

Dan also announced that he intended to engage in spiritual wifery at the earliest opportunity. And the first woman he proposed taking as a plural wife was Matilda's oldest daughter - his own stepdaughter.
excerpt from Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer

QUOTES, KIDS, FAITH (permalink) 03.04.2005
in a box in the basement
hey, where's jesus and all his people.
bella on observing grandma's natvity scene had been put away after the holidays.

QUOTES, HUMOR, FAITH (permalink) 01.24.2002
even when i go to the bathroom
the first thing they teach kids is that there?s a god -- an invisible man in the sky who is watching what they do and who is displeased with some of it. there?s no mystery why they start that with kids, because if you can get someone to believe that, you can add on anything you want.
george carlin on things he has learned

Welcome Professional MonoRail TroyScripts Gallery