two and a half

i mentioned earlier that a new super mall opened in saint louis. while i don't usually commit cycles to mall happenings, this one had special import in that it brought an apple store to saint lou. another goodish effect of this opening is that all the other respectable malls got face lifts and new stores were introduced to the market to keep shoppers tantalized given the new player in town. our snob mall even got a tiffany's, which is great because i obviously do a lot of business at tiffany's.

our prior alpha mall got a, brace yourself, cheesecake factory. like the apple store, this is our first. so last friday night while out with elove and dr j we decided to give it a tryst. we swung by at 9pm figuring that most people would have eaten by then. i think most had but i got to make a new facial expression when the hostess looked at me and said it would be two, possibly two and a half hours for a table. so it appears you have to make a reservation and then go eat somewhere else and just about when you're ready to eat again, a table may, possibly, be available for you at the cheesecake factory.

two and a half hours?!?! it would take me two and a half hours to list the things i could achieve in two and a half hours. and it was 9pm! i don't even think they were open two and half hours from then. how pissed would you be if you sat around all that time and they would just call your name to say that the kitchen is closed and they were going home but if you put your name in they may, may possibly, be able to seat you by 4pm the following day. she didn't even laugh demonically or scoff or mock me when saying this. two and a half hours! two and a half hours my ass.

an all-new level of shrinkage

just in case anyone hasn't yet heard about this guy at the Calgary hockey game who stripped naked and jumped on the ice, slipped and knocked himself out, i thought i'd share the following photo from the event.

it is possibly one of the best shots of this ilk i've seen in some time, capturing the mood of a moment. the range of expressions from the people looking on is astounding. and how the supports for the glass obstruct the guys package is also perfect.

i've also included an account from someone who was supposedly sitting next to the guy.

thanks for the forward bomber.

coming soon

so i'm working on a new section for the web site. i'm not entirely certain what to call it just yet. leading candidates are Rockefeller Center II, the Return of Rockefeller or maybe even Carnegie Hall.

for those bad at reading between the lines, yes, we are expecting number two.

and for those really bad at reading between the lines, that is not a reference to the feces-based number two but the kind of number two that a census bureau would be interested in.

and for those who are just butt stupid. marty and i are expecting our second child. you can expect to be deluged with photos and silly captions come early may.

gleefully punching the clock

so i've been getting dinged quite heavily about the new job and i'm sorry i haven't followed up with, well any of you, but as i alluded earlier, time is a little lean at the moment. in short, the new job is quite awesome. it takes me 10 minutes to get there and 8 to get home. i think the time difference has something to do with the number of left versus right turns in each direction. given that it is so close, i've been coming home for lunch each day. i think i've already lost weight and i certainly have more money in my pocket than i'm accustomed to at this late date in the month.

the people in the office seem talented and loaded with personality, although i haven't gotten to delve too deep into any of them just yet. yesterday, i was talking to darkman on the phone when a guy came by my desk who built my new computer and i told him thanks and how he did a beautiful job and that i was aroused, physically aroused, to finally have a working machine. darkman asked if i knew this guy previously or just met him. oh darkman, i have so much to teach you about making a first and lasting impression, especially with the IT guys who support you.

but, in that vein, i do, surprisingly, know quite a few people at this location, which is an add. and since it's the same company, i know much of the routine, which also helps. they've initially been leaving me quite open to explore their environment and get acclimated to the needs, which is a phenomenally nice courtesy. last weekend, i actually caught myself on a few different occasions anxious for monday to arrive so i could return to a couple of things i was working on. while i'm a firm believer that a job is primarily something that interrupts an otherwise personal life, it's a very nice situation to have that interruption be challenging and meaningful.

have a good weekend, i'll be sitting here waiting for the next workday to roll around.

new and improved

so bookpimp was moaning the other day about this.

for me this is is not a sign of the apocalypse but rather simply a long overdue measure. to me, eating the crust on bread is like eating the rind of an orange or the wrapper of a candy bar. just cuz it's there doesn't necessarily dictate that it's meant to be ingested.

now something i do hate is our society's neurosis about convenience because if truly analyzed it is not so much about time saving as it is about sheer laziness. from yogurt in a tube to peanut butter and jelly mixed in a squeeze bottle there just seems to be no end. and given this i'm wondering why the hell i'm still asked to apply my salt separately from my pepper.

the sad thing is you know some greedy-ass company somewhere has actually looked at this. can you in any way imagine dedicating your professional life to creating a vehicle that would allow the morton folks to combine the salt and pepper together. although challenges would exist because the very fine salt keeps moving to the bottom, damn it and then when you tip it to shake something out you get mostly pepper but when upside down that wily salt races to the top and when it gets there comes out more rapidly than the pepper. damn the constantly moving salt. i'd love to be that guy. after reporting that it looked like it just wasn't going to work because the salt is finer and heavier and my boss would fly into a rage. "dammit dearmitt, cannot is not an option. won't work is unacceptable. you WILL figure out how to make our Sepper product work. we cannot expect people to just continue to pass salt AND pepper shakers up and down the dinner table. it's un-american. and i won't have it. not on my watch by god and so help us and get back to work dearmitt you sniveling little nay-sayer!"

i'd quit that job quick and start working on my own dream-child; the odorless bowel movement in a tube for when you just don't have to go. and you know i'm all about co-branding this with the handi-wipe folks and while i'm at it i'll hit up those waterless hand-cleanser people and i'm sure someone could figure out how to package it all up in a convenient, pocket sized, recyclable aerodynamic piece of belt-wear.

slow news day or not, i'm still reading

this article more than summarizes how sad and stagnating today's pc market has become. hp is greatly hyping a new line of machines that can also act like a tv. now let's put aside that fact that anyone can tv-enable their existing pc for under a hundred dollars, could have for the last 5 years. let's also put aside the fact that HP is #1 in computer sales. certainly they have only the best intentions with your hard-earned dollar and will settle for nothing less than the most talented and skilled innovators in crafting their technology. but, sadly in the end this is the best our greatest pc manufacturer can do. oh, but wait a minute, this just in, "The PC can also store digital photos and play DVDs." Now that changes things. i never thought a computer would be capable of such grandiose and robust functionality in my lifetime. i mean how do they reach such heights in this nubile year of 2002. man, the people at HP sure are on it.

meanwhile, on the microsoft front, their latest ad campaign was debunked earlier this week. it seems that they were going to use apple's own Switch movement against them and have ex-mac users talk about how windows has released them from the bonds that tied them. only problem was the picture of the woman claiming this epiphany was purchased from a stock photo site and she, a freelance writer, was hired by microsoft craft this sincere account. now while the pr machine that is microsoft doesn't fumble often, it sure is fun to watch the ball fly loose every now and again. because when it comes down to it, we all know that microsoft is simply an advertising company that dabbles in computers.

it's all good

as my wife and partner of almost 13 years knows and as all routine readers of this site know, it has been a long time since i've tried to impress anyone. ok so i try, but i don't succeed. it should count. today is a new day though. today, i start a new job. in many respects it has been awhile since i've had a job, but today i do, again. and, i am going to need to take my big gulp of air and try to swim to the other side of the pool without coming up in attempt to wow and astound my new colleagues and associates. point being, i need you to bear with me over the next few weeks, possibly months while i figure it all out. it is for the best, i assure you. once i learn the ropes and feel that i am properly contributing, i'll be back to my old flatutory and self-adulatory ways. until then things may be a little on the lean side. we'll see.

and, if any are interested about this new job, it is a web design and development gig for the mortgage division of the same bank i previously worked for. so i'm actually back to doing what i love, geeking on the web. it's actually a great opportunity, which is why i accepted it, and i'm bristling with the potential it holds. so, wish me well, say a prayer, kiss a penny, save me a dance, essentially do whatever it is people do when well-wishing other people.

i'm your beauty school dropout

there's no funk that the release and subsequent acquisition of the Grease DVD can't cure.

man, i thought it would NEVER come out.

and, re-watching this reminds me that i've always parked my car in a different garage than most. in Grease everyone raves about olivia newton john. some even for the trampy stockard channing. but me, i was always a didi conn (frenchie) man, pink hair, lean ambitions and all. give her an overbite and i may have been stalker material.

they all do

the market may be down but marriage is booming. three of my finest friends have either gotten married or engaged this year. as you can imagine, with them being friends of mine and all, this is quite the thing.

as mentioned previously, doctor stevie, is to wed the marty-troy girl. while most would think this couldn't be beaten given her likeness to walt and i, you would be right.

then bookguy tied the knot in a hippie free love kind of ceremony in his backyard. don't believe me? e-love and i both wore shorts to the affair. granted we were the only ones not wearing dry-cleaned garments, but neither of us were willing to turn down an opportunity to wear our bermudas and daisy dukes to a wedding. i'll let you guess who wore which.

and now michaelcosm joins the ranks of the soon-to-be betrothed. when chavez reminded him that this means christine is the only girl he will ever know in that way again, michael reminded him that christine is the only girl who ever expressed an interest in knowing him at all. so in the end, i guess everyone's happy.

i wish them all great humor and hope that they don't wake sweating and screaming in the night at the realization of what a terrible and irreversible mistake they made years ago. oh, i don't mean i do that. i was thinking/talking about someone else. actually, i was speaking hypothetically. marty and i are very happy. marty is very supportive. and nice. she's pretty too.

can you tell she's standing behind me right now?

who's ready to get their eat on?

per my web logs, my site is rapidly becoming recipe central. there's a whole ton of people out there looking for new stuff to eat. i like that. and seeing this made me remember that there were a few recent finds i needed to add to the what i'm eating recipe index, which i've now done.

if you like taco salad or that 7-layer taco dip at least one person brings to every outdoor event, you'll love the mexican casserole just added. it's crazy good and because it's a casserole can be served as an entire dinner which the 7-layer dip can't, in good conscious at least.

and, i'm most excited about the twice baked spinach potatoes find because i'm quite the loaded potato aficionado but mine are drenched with butter, laden with cheese and slathered in sour cream. the noted recipe has none of that but hits the table just as tasty as it's venomous counterpart.

let me know if you like them.

i needed that

yesterday was a good day. i won't boast the degree by iterating through the various boons, just accept that it was exceptional. even getting gigged put a smile on my face, that's how good of a day it was.

A Very Grand Opening

the wait is over. the agony complete. the red carpet has been extended and the celebrities invited. today is the first official day boycott city is open to the public. so swing by, get your account and create or join a boycott on what i hope becomes a long-standing and authoritative voice in the genre of consumer satisfaction and information sharing.

and, remember, you can say you were there when it all began. and for all of those toms and mikes and marys out there, this may be your only chance to get a logon id, actually using your first name only without an 87 or 321 attached to the end.

what it's all about

excerpt from The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen