boobie-talk

any of you catch the latest round of women against public milkings? my favorite quote was from this en-lighted pioneer of human rights out of kansas ...

I was offended and it made my husband very uncomfortable when I left the magazine on the coffee table.

which was almost trumped by ...

Another reader said she was "horrified" when she received the magazine and hoped that her husband hadn't laid eyes on it.

i assume by these women having this magazine in their home they are about to become or recently became a mother, which makes the reaction all the more surreal. i mean if this is your position on the matter shouldn't you be in a confessional asking forgiveness for the tingling sensations you occasionally experience 'down there' instead of pining your time away educating yourself. and, perhaps your husband's discomfort stems more from the fact that you never leave the house, granting him ten minutes alone with your bleeding-edge girlie mag because i'm going to go out on a limb and say these men just may not be receiving an adequate amount of intimacy in their life. but then again, leaving the confines of your safe and always dressed home may expose you to someone wearing a strapless halter or biking shorts thus casting you further into your psychological tailspin.

i'm finding it hard to go on too much about the never-naked ladies cited in this article because i out-loud laughed more in reading it than i did watching four hours of kevin smith candidly answering questions from college kids. well that's not true, but i did laugh quite a bit, alone in my office and was thankful no one popped their head in to ask what was so funny because lord knows what ogling such outrageous pornographic materials in the workplace would do to my career path.

where were you, thought-wise?

were you aware we just celebrated the ten year anniversary of the the OJ verdict? i didn't until i caught this great episode of frontline which was loaded with all sorts of current observations about this historic affair. one of the more poignant comments came from a ucla law professor, Peter Arenella, in regard to the performance of the defense team:

tragically, the american public doesn't seem to understand the role of the criminal defense counsel. even my first year students ask me frequently how can you as a criminal defense attorney ... represent a guilty person in good conscious. the point of an adversarial system is for the defense to force the prosecution to persuade a jury beyond a reasonable doubt of the defendant's guilt and a defense counsel's ethical role is to make the prosecution satisfy that burden of proof by challenging the credibility and persuasiveness of the prosecution's evidence.

i could definitely be lumped into the american public referenced here and have long been intrigued by this legal circumstance. i've always possessed a pollyanna notion that skilled defense teams were meant for the innocent and it was not morally clear to me how someone could fight to free a person they knew to be guilty (this obviously assumes a defendant admits the truth and/or crime to his attorneys or they otherwise come to know the truth), almost as if the trial should happen and if the dude's found innocent AND the defense team KNOWS the person is guilty, that some member of the defense team should step forward and assert that even though we won the case, we know our client is guilty of the charge.

an admission, to anyone in the legal circle feels like it should be enough, in my utopian vision at least. and i get that the landscape would change should this method be the norm. all i'm saying is it seems utterly bizarre to me that people go free when we have legal professionals walking around who know the defendant committed the crime for which they are accused, wherever that may apply.

a few more interesting points made in the show.

upon the verdict's reading in 95, you know, when the white population collectively sagged and the black population collectively rejoiced, the whites had a sense that the celebration was over what appeared to be an obviously guilty man, who was black, getting away with the murder of two people, who were white. upon re-interviewing many of the previous celebrants today, they admit to feeling he did in fact commit the crime, and they were not rejoicing that OJ dodged a murder charge but instead that a black man beat the system, a system that has long ravaged factions of their communities. beyond the irony that OJ was a man so accepted and revered by whites, the fact that it was orenthal james simpson seems to be irrelevant. but it is this vitally important distinction (that a great many of the blacks celebrating the verdict that day felt he either did it or was in some way responsible for it being done), i feel, was not made abundantly clear by the press back in 95.

i also heard multiple people say that the great flaw in the case was that certain parties of the lapd attempted, or very much appeared to have attempted, to frame an already guilty man and had they let events unfold naturally the case would have been much more winnable for the prosecution.

the only thing the pundits can agree on; the vivisection of this event does not have a final chapter. oh, and also that we really need to get cracking on the truth box.

man do i envy true love

boy does it warm the cockles to see such an obvious example of devout commitment and companionship.

imagine for a second what this girl would do if she woke up naked next to this guy and he wasn't a famous and rich comedian but instead the plumbing guy at home depot. would she kill him or herself first?

it should have been me

so just a few months ago i copped to having a bit of a thing for gina the veternarian on seseme street.

and, now steve buscemi is 'bedding her down' sopranos style. no way he appreciates her the way i would appreciate her. no stinkin' way.

Happy Indian Resistance Day

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez urging Latin Americans on Saturday not to celebrate Columbus Day, saying the 1492 discovery of the Americas triggered a 150-year "genocide" of native Indians by foreign conquerors who behaved "worse than Hitler.

a rare glimpse

click to enlarge

i was taught it's good to manage expectation

our local news station has been hyping some satellite-deal that can see all kinds of stuff from space. "just think if you could see anything you can imagine from space" they say in their advertisements.

i feel obligated to let them know i can imagine quite a bit. and, i'd wager we're not talking about the same kinds of stuff.

an all-new level of shrinkage

just in case anyone hasn't yet heard about this guy at the Calgary hockey game who stripped naked and jumped on the ice, slipped and knocked himself out, i thought i'd share the following photo from the event.

it is possibly one of the best shots of this ilk i've seen in some time, capturing the mood of a moment. the range of expressions from the people looking on is astounding. and how the supports for the glass obstruct the guys package is also perfect.

i've also included an account from someone who was supposedly sitting next to the guy.

thanks for the forward bomber.

we castrate on the second offense.

have you heard the latest? in attempt to quell the music sharing revolution, music companies are now selling cd's that not only won't play on a computer but will, by design, actually crash the computer if attempted ... like halting a computer mid-processing is some innocuous and meaningless matter.

before today i kept my napster, limewire, morpheus and other music sharing avenues to a moderate minimum before, out of respect of the abuse factor. it is now my intention to download every song sony music has ever produced and make it easily and readily available for any and all who may be so inclined to do the same. and if those dollar whores at sony and the other record companies think that the geeks on this planet will not break, crack, destroy and annihilate any safeguards they may take, they are thicker than the prophylactic measures they employ.

crash _my_ computer in the name of your profit margin. yeah, right. bite me sony.

are you the exception or the rule?

a recent study made the following observation regarding what men like about women, physically at least:

Most women underestimate men's ideals for female weight and shape: Most men enjoy rounded hips, prominent butts or full cheeks more than most women realize. Whether the fashion is Twiggy or Kate Moss, most men don't want skinny women. Those skinny models are found in women's magazines, never men's.

in my own unrelated study, i found that women like pale, oily guys with afros who like playing gameboy on the toilet and wear the same underwear for three days in a row. ok, so it's six days in a row and marty is the only woman i know who prefers this ... and i may be taking liberties when saying marty prefers this, 'endures this' may actually be a more concise way to express her position on the matter.

here we go again

"As Warner Brothers prepares for the release of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" at more than 3,500 North American theaters on Nov. 16, it is tightly controlling and protecting his image ? not allowing him to drink soft drinks, for example ? as it walks a tightrope in the marketing of the movie and of the wizard himself."

Excerpt from the 11.04.01 NY Times

This film, unsurprisingly, looks like it doesn't stand a very great chance getting out of the blocks. Originally the work of a single-mom inspired, it is about to be devastated beyond her wildest expectations (which are pretty wild) by those who devised the likes of jar-jar binks. I'm just glad that shakespeare got his words on paper before it had to be co-branded beside a McDonald's happy meal or box of tacos. With that said, don't misunderstand me, this film will most likely do well in the box office, much for the same reason films like pearl harbor and coyote ugly made a dime and titantic ravaged the world. I will not get to into the particulars behind this phenomenon because I'd rather not offend the masses, but those who know what I'm talking about, know what I'm talking about. It just saddens me.

There aint nothing regular about this hair

I go to my barber every 10 to 14 days. When I ask other people how often they go, most report between four and six weeks. Learning this I asked my barber, Larry Evilsizor, if he saw anyone more than me. He claimed he had a guy that was close but thinks I squeak him out since I don't always make it a full two weeks.

Our local hipster paper, The Riverfront Times, recently named Larry as The Best Place to Get a Regular Haircut in Saint Louis. In that I've seen Larry every two weeks for nine years now, this was not news to me. But I am glad to see him finally receive the unexaggerated adulation he absolutely deserves.

In hearing this it occurred to me that if Larry is the best barber in Saint Louis and I am his best customer, should the Riverfront Times not run an article on the Best Customer of the Best Place to Get a Regular Haircut.

As an added note, the last time I saw Larry he told me that he would have to start running the clippers along my ears before long. I asked what that even meant and he explained that as men get older darkish, thickish and noticible hairs begin sprouting on the ear. Disturbed, I consulted my close friend bookguy on the matter. His response, "That's about the scariest shit he could ever say to me."

keep the faith brothers and sisters

mark fiore - the san jose mercury

do not forget!

jack ohman - the portland oregonian

we're not russia

steve breen - the asbury park press

usa - top of the food chain

scott stantis - the birmingham news

and you think you pay too much in taxes

kevin siers - charlotte observer

I lied.

I know I said I was done, but while working on today's entry, it just didn't seem right. I received the following in my email and thought it offered a unique perspective on this ordeal, meaning it's not a political analyst or re-playing the same 10 shots of the actual carnage. As for if this concludes my entries on this or not, it would seem apparent that I cannot honestly say. We'll see. Meanwhile please share in this personal essay, The Price We Pay.

One last thing

I had a mini anxiety attack tonight. After watching 12 hours of peter Jennings on Tuesday and listening to gobs of NPR today I had to just get away so I went to a 10pm viewing of Rock Star (love aniston, love wahlberg) to get a little dose of the ole Americana. So now to take the advice of our leaders, I will get back to business as usual (tomorrow). But, first let me leave you with a shot of the vigil at Washington University I ran into while making my way back from a cancelled class Tuesday evening.

Remember those less fortunate than you

On the morning of September 11th, I stood in front of my tv with child in arms and cried.

Hooters Redux

did you hear about the hooters employee who won a company contest for selling the most beer? she was under the impression, from the company, that the grand prize was a Toyota car but when she was presented with her spoils it turned out to be a "toy Yoda," the original star wars munchkin. And, lo and behold hooters finds themselves embroiled in yet another lawsuit.

now what i ask is what makes a company think they can deceive and fool their employee and customer base in so many ways? well, if you've ever been to a hooters i reckon you know the answer.

Pam Anderson is his accountant

If I were able to eradicate five things from the planet, one of them would be advertisements. This phenomenal waste of paper and human time is seriously outlandish. The only thing not wasted was the cost of my anger-management class because it proved ever helpful in coping with the deluge of crap I receive physically, digitally, and over my phone.

Given this, you can imagine my elation when I read about the fine dining establishment of Hooters in Augusta, Georgia having to close its doors after filing bankruptcy when they lost a 12.5 million dollar lawsuit. The crime: faxing unsolicited ads about their apparel challenged eatery to random recipients. It seems the proprietor did not know about, or banked on others not knowing about, an obscure federal law passed around ten years ago making it illegal to send faxes to people in a spam-like fashion. His defense: the ad agency he used, owned and operated by one Bambi Clark, said that she did it all the time.

Hooters is entangled in a second lawsuit regarding another little known law that states people should be smarter than to take legal advice from someone named Bambi.

Bambi Clark has been subpoenaed and asked to expound on her statement, doing it all the time.

Troy DeArmitt found himself in an unrelated lawsuit for claiming he had attended an anger management class, when in fact he had not.

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