put what where?!?!

i'm not sure how i came to have these snapshots [below]. it's almost certain that i asked for them in some way. but, this is a guy i used to work with and these shots are from when he was in the army years earlier. he was one of those crazy-eager and overly bright fellas who was a great catch for any organization, although companies rarely seem to notice when they get an young individual with such pluck.

the thing i'll most remember about jon is his smile. he could crack a grin that was so authentic and true that it would just turn you in a better direction, without fail. well that's what it did for guys, i'm pretty sure it unglued girls at the seams.

and i just thought of another thing. he grew up on a farm and once had to reach up the business end of a pregnant cow to pull its calf out. and he was like 13 or 14 when this happened. his dad was out of town and the cow started having this baby and it was breach or something so he had to help the process along and how you help is you reach up and work the little dude free. he said he'd seen his father do it but wasn't formally instructed on the process. i guess part of the technique involved pulling the calf mostly out, but leaving its torso in. this is so one of the mother's contractions would squeeze all of the uterine goo out of the calf's lungs freeing it to breath. he didn't know this or forgot this and just kinda yanked it out (i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have done that, wanting to prolong such a singular experience and all). well the calf hits the ground and can't breath and he's realizes what's happened and has to somehow get all that muck out of the lungs. i wish i could recall what he said happened next but i had long since drove my lunch fork straight into my eye as to divert further attention away from the thought of having a cow's undulating vagina massaging the full length of my arm. but i have a really vague notion that his mouth may have been involved. i'm admittedly real foggy on that though. i'm telling ya, i was reeling.

let's now call me confident on not knowing much else about jf.

Why couldn't I have said Jennifer Love Hewitt

I started watching Party of Five in its second to last season. Soon after, I made the immense error in judgment of telling some guys that I had a romantic dream involving Claudia Salinger (Lacey Chabert). At the time I was watching the show, she was getting ready to go off for college. What I didn't realize was that for many true fans who have been with the show from the start, these guys included, Claud started as a precocious whelp of like 6 who used to sleep in a tent in the living room. They mentioned this to me amidst guffaws but the actual import of their mockery didn't hit until I caught a rerun where she was in this tent-phase. I immediately grasped the felonious appearance of my tale and immediately sought them out to retract and explain away my earlier confession hence putting the legend to rest. But being friends of mine and possessing a wicked sense of humor, years later I opened a wedding card to find the following memento inside.

Carboni, Victor Carboni

Approximately fifteen years ago I clipped and then pinned a funny article above my desk. Several weeks later, I added a tatseless photo of a friend, then a lift ticket and on and on until I had above my desk a mass of bizarre paraphernalia and eye fodder. To date this loose and mottled collection of chaff curiously and accurately chronicles my life. In eyeing some of the artifacts the other day, I thought it might be jolly to occasionally present this or that from the wall and share the item's history and import. So let's get the ball rolling with the following.

Shortly after moving to Saint Louis I, by chance, obtained the autograph of hockey superstar, Brett Hull. I mean how rare is it to be kicking through the local mall and bumping into a sporting legend. You know what's even more rare? To be kicking through the mall, bump into said sporting legend AND to be with a girl who thinks your name is Victor Carboni. Now given this slight caveat, I was saddled with the decision of getting a partially meaningful signature or come clean, ruining my chances with this young temptress, by revealing my true identity. So what did Victor do? (click here for answer)

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