A Probing Issue

A friend of mine wrote a column for his university paper while in med school a few years back. i remember following his work via the web while he was at it and enjoyed the articles very much. i happened upon them the other day and thought that you all would find his wit as entertaining as i did. therefore, i will be offering them up from time to time for your amusement and edification. the first selected installment, A Probing Issue deals with the digestive tract, something we all use and also take for granted. carry on and happy digesting.

Elevator Etiquette 101

1. When getting on the elevator where people are exiting, let them get off first. First I say!
2. If there are more than 10 stories in the building, do not use the elevator to travel a single floor, especially in a downward direction, unless infirmed or the stairwells are out of service.
3. If there are more than 3 elevators present and you are not the only passenger, do not hold the door while your slow and oafish comrade makes their way down a corridor exceeding 30 feet.
4. When other passengers are present, male urinal rules preside. Identify the largest expanse, divide by two and stay on your side of the demarcation line.
5. If you are simple enough to hit the wrong floor, apologize to the other occupants for your thick nature. If you are actually bent enough to select the wrong floor a second time, complete the job nature started and kindly remove yourself from the gene pool.
6. If the elevator mechanically hiccups in any fashion, do not freak out. Your life is not a keanu reeves film nor are your moans and faces extraordinary.
7. Do not pass gas in the actual elevator car. And while exiting counts as being 'in' the elevator.
8. When more than 5 cars exist, do not throw your briefcase/purse in the closing doors so you can get on. Accept that you missed the boat and wait for the next. Also recognize that you are possibly the fourth person to do this, and the poor suck in the back has now been waiting for 5 minutes to begin his meager journey.

Does this remind you of anyone you know?

my cyber-friend psychonaut is at his qwirky best again. the saga of roter hutmann is an absolute must read. while it is possibly something geared more towards computer geeks, i think that all people should be able to join hands in a peanuts like moment to enjoy its tale.

and, if you find yourself smitten with psychonaut's comic stylings, feel free to complete his application to become his girlfriend. what questions might you have asked?

Where's the Beef?

I have long been berated for my theory that McDonalds treats their fries with some form of addictive agent. Now as is usually the case, I possessed no supporting evidence of this claim other than my sharply honed acumen. Until now that is.

The other night NPR featured a fast food guru who was talking about none other than fast food. The interviewer, to my surprise, asked about the fry thing and the guest authority talked about how McDonalds had, in the past, cooked their fries in beef instead of vegetable oil until their methods were questioned and they moved to the more common program. However, not wanting to alter the taste they treated their fries with a mysterious animal extract. And, hence maintain their ruling status as king of the fry-makers.

And, you thought you were having a bad day

excerpt from All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque

please speak into the microphone

the long awaited pollyanna section has been completed, kinda. you will now find content there, just not the intially intended PollyAnna material. it has been usurped by the later and greater TroyScripts effort.

you may also have noticed that the FastTrack verbiage was swapped for MonoRail. nothing too significant here. i just liked the sound and fit better. MONO: one or me. RAIL: vent or complain.

this must be answered?

i have been seeking an answer to a question for about two years now and not a soul has been able to answer it. furthermore, i'm astounded that other people have not been plagued by this fact. question is: why can public television and radio air whatever they like, free of editing without the FCC three feet up their arse? i have asked this very question to over 30 people and no one has a clue.

now, i know i probably shouldn't care so much about this (like others who just shrug their shoulders and say "dunno"), but i do and satisfactory mental rest will not be had until the solution is proffered.

it should win awards on the title alone

so many movies coming out of hollywood today attempt to blend action, romance and humor into a fun-fest to be enjoyed by all market groups. never has anyone succeeded in this task like ang lee, (of ice storm fame) in his latest opus crouching tiger, hidden dragon. the cinematography is incredible, the acting sincere, the humor well-crafted, the gender-roles discarded and the fight-scenes absolutely mesmerizing in this classic homage to such films. all elements in this work were so concisely fused, i think any willing-minded person (subtitles, complex plot, fantastical) could enjoy it at all levels.

and, in the previews, i spied the trailer for the coen boys next film, o brother where art thou and it looks like they may be up to their old tricks.