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FAITH (permalink) 09.16.2005
i provide embarrassingly affordable translation services
i used to work with a Jehovah's Witness. during this period i was reading the bible on my palm pilot while riding the metro to work. every now and again he would ask what most recently happened so i would tell him and he would try to guess the chapter and verse. for any ex-sunday-school stars this may sound like a no brainer but there is a catch and that catch is my descriptions came in troy-speak and troy-speak sounded something like this:

yeah, so this guy's kicking around, you know, back in the day, and runs into this chic in like an open air market or something. well she's super hot and he's super into her from the start. and she's jonsin' for him too and before you know it they hook up and they're shacking which way back then was a bit of a thing but this is just how into one another they are. but then for some reason god looks in on the dude and totally freaks out. something about the girl being the guy's sister or his brother's wife or the like and god tells him to shag his ass out of her crib or he's going to open up some real biblical whoop-ass on him. so the dude bolts but the locals catch wind of it all and everyone starts calling the girl a hoe-bag and threatening to stone her ass because she gave it up to some dude who was passing through town and turned out to be a relation. but damn, everyone was related back then so i don't know who you could avoid tapping anything less than a first cousin.

to his credit, chris was quite gifted at deciphering these modern translations.




 
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