thursday morning i woke up, took my shower and then went downstairs to the kitchen wearing a towel around my waist as i'm like to do. bella was already down there sitting at the counter eating her breakfast.
b: good morning daddy.
d: good morning sweetheart.
b: there's another daddy in the basement.
d: oh is there? that's nice.
one quickly adjusts to the rocketing imagination of a young child and learns to nod and 'uhm-hum' with great frequency. so i got my breakfast together and sat next to bella at the counter eating. then the 'other daddy' emerged from the basement appearing in the kitchen doorway.
o: good morning.
d: oh, good morning.
b: there's the other daddy, daddy.
d: yes, i see the other daddy.
turns out the other daddy in the basement was the exterminator marty had let in while i was showering. marty entered the kitchen and started rapping with the guy. i decided to quickly finish my breakfast and head back upstairs to get ready for work. but, the conversation he and marty were having proved interesting enough to draw me in. it's not often that i stand in front of strange men in nothing but a towel and jaw for 20 or so minutes but (1) i didn't know he was here and (2) it is my house and this is what i do. one may ask what can be learned in such a short span between a man holding a can of bug spray and another wearing a plush green towel. here's a sample of what i now know about this other daddy.
our exterminator ...
- was one of eight children. four boys. four girls.
- had a nun ram a pencil into the palm of his hand when he was in first grade. the lead tip is still there.
- is a book-writing, painter.
- grew up on a farmhouse built where a lake used to be. in addition to several feet of water they would routinely find salamanders swimming around their flooded basement.
- went through a horrible divorce where he sold his bar in attempt to get his two sons. he lost the petition and was instructed to give them up and pay child support. when he and his wife exited the courtroom, she pushed the two boys to him and said you take them, but i still want the checks.
- cried when he dropped his oldest boy off at college. he almost made it out of there but as he was driving away his son looked back and waved. it was here he lost it.
- almost died from internal bleeding after having colon cancer surgury.
- wished he had learned to play the piano in his youth, but feared for his safety given his three brothers.
- tried to domesticate a flying squirrel, mole and just about anything else he could catch in the woods.
- knows a guy who looks a lot like me.
i had no choice. i told the guy i had to go to work but he would absolutely have to come over for dinner in the very near future. once at work i had the following conversation:
g: hey troy. so what's up?
t: not much. although, i just met the most interesting guy this morning.
g: who was it?
t: my exterminator.
this modest piece of banter culminated with the following life-lessons being passed down to me by a half-circle of the
hunting, scratching, full-time-uber-males i work with ...
- the man of the house should always know, and i mean always know, when another man is in his home.
- men do not walk around their home in a towel.
- men do not talk to strangers while in nothing but a towel.
- men do not invite perfect strangers to their home for dinner.
- men do not wear boxers. (one guy)
- men do not wear briefs. (another guy)
- men switch between boxers and briefs. (and yet another guy)
- men shower before going to bed and not in the morning.
- men do not run outside in their underwear to grab the paper.
- sleeping naked is left to hippies and perverts.
i fear these guys are three minutes away from dragging me to the bathroom to prove to them that i'm actually a member of their gender club.
