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MONORAIL ARCHIVES : November 2005
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FAMILY, LIFE 2005-11-21
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FRIENDS 2005-11-18
look at the posture on that reading kid
first, buddy james took to the needle.

next, bookguy went under the scalpel.

to keep up in this attention-competitive community, i fear i may need to bifurcate my own penis. disappointed there's no link on my future condition? don't be. accept my every assurance, i'm doing you a super-huge favor.
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FAMILY 2005-11-16
you have a simple dolt for a father bella. deal!
we have ogres living in our basement, for-real ogres as bella would say. i've never seen one but bella has spoken to them a few times. the ones living with us are nice which is fortunate because, i'm told, not all of them are. that said, there are a few things they don't like. unsurprisingly i seem to be the only one in the home doing these things they don't like and i've repeatedly been cautioned against my inconsiderate behavior.

bella is responsible for feeding the ogres (if we're going to have pets, you're feeding them). ogres eat all kinds of different foodstuffs. i've accidentally knocked a box full of styrofoam peanuts down the basement stairs (father! now you've ruined their dinner. they are not going to be happy!) i've kicked a glass full of water over soaking my pantleg and shoe (oh great dad! that was their drink. now they will have nothing if they get thirsty!). and i've overturned a 2-gallon bucket full of dirt from the backyard mixed with ash from the grill (they are going to be really upset with you now father!).

this isn't quite how i envisioned this all when marty first asked if i saw children in my future.
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FAMILY, LIFE, TECHNOLOGY 2005-11-15
Photo Gallery: November 2005


several years ago, marty and i were lounging on the futon watching tv. i had an abdominal pain and kept massaging the side of my gut, groaning painfully.

what's wrong?

i have this damn stitch in my side. it hurts like hell.

it's probably just stuck poop. push on it, it will help work it loose.


she never even looked away from the tv nor did she stop popp...
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ENTERTAINMENT, LIFE 2005-11-09
you're young, you got your health, what you need with a job?
If there is a recurring theme in (President James) Garfield's diaries it's this: I'd rather be reading. That might sound dull and perfunctory, but Garfield's book fever was a sickness. Take, for example, the commencement address he delivered at his alma mater Hiram College in the summer of 1880. Traditionally, these pep talks to college graduates are supposed to shove young people into the future with a briefcase bulging with infinitive verbs: to make, to produce, to do. Mr. Loner McBookworm, on the other hand, stands up and breaks it to his audience, the future achievers of America, that the price of the supposedly fulfilling attainment of one's personal and professional dream is the irritating way it cuts into one's free time. He tells them,

It has occurred to me that the thing you have, that all men have enough of, is perhaps the thing that you care for the least, and that is your leisure - the leisure you have to think; the leisure you have to be let alone; the leisure you have to throw the plummet into your mind, and sound the depth and dive for things below.


the only thing stopping this address from turning into a slacker parable is the absence of the word "dude." Keep in mind that at that moment Garfield was a presidential candidate. The guy who theoretically wants the country's most demanding, hectic, brain-dive-denying job stands before these potential gross national product producers advising them to treat leisure "as your gold, as your wealth, as your treasure." As Garfield left the podium, every scared kid in the room could probably hear the sound of the stock market crashing him back to his old room at his parents' house where he'd have plenty of free time to contemplate hanging himself with his boyhood bedsheets.
excerpt from sarah vowell's assassination vacation
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WEB 2005-11-08
search me
an occasionally asked for and long overdue feature of this site has just now been added. look right. sidebar. second block. searching! circumcision. hygiene. neurosis. even lyle lovett. you name it.

and it's not just the monorail section but each and every nook and cranny of the site. try it out. it's all at your fingertips thanks to the exceptionally fine folks at google.
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WEB 2005-11-04
just an update
i'm still recovering from what has been a very rollicking month. hope to be back up to par next week.

with life on the web your efforts rarely seem to generate appropriate affection. it's a one-way forum and those that play, or keep playing at least, know this. so to receive multiple rewards/kudos in a short span of time is pretty unprecedented, especially for a one-trick hack like myself. this week felt like troy-appreciation week. i don't want to get into the nature of the various puffs of wind sent up my skirt but just know puffs of air were billowing all around my catholic school girl plaid (and not the kind of puffs that make alex snap his head up and say inquisitively, 'GAS?').

one thing i will share with you though. on the day before the everyman's photos were released, the site received 7,000 requests. on the day the photos were released it satisfied, quite admirably might i add, 200,000 requests. i think the everyman should have no problem besting its 1,000,000 request month record.

going to bed now. g'night.

p.s. if walt and i have another child, a son, i'm going to fight hard to name him Marcher.
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FAMILY, LIFE 2005-11-02
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WEB 2005-11-01
the everyman is older than bella
the fifth annual everyman is a reality.
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October 2005 (10)
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