The government has finally decided how use of cellular telephones while driving is to be regulated. Not surprisingly, the solution proves quite simple. It was determined that if you are a member of society, which requires the use of his or her cell phone, even while behind the wheel of an automobile, it becomes the responsibility of your employer to provide you with a chauffeur, limousine and motorcade. Furthermore, they have concluded that all people possessing this level of import have already been supplied with the fore mentioned items.

Therefore, if you are in violation of this new directive, you are kindly asked to hang up the phone, shut your turn signal off, accelerate when the light actually turns green, get off the damn shoulder and go give that dog a proper burial. The Respect Police thank you in advance for your cooperation.