| ENTERTAINMENT, SOCIETY |
2001-01-28 |
- When getting on the elevator where people are exiting, let them get off first. First I say!
- If there are more than 10 stories in the building, do not use the elevator to travel a single floor, especially in a downward direction, unless infirmed or the stairwells are out of service.
- If there are more than 3 elevators present and you are not the only passenger, do not hold the door while your slow and oafish comrade makes their way down a corridor exceeding 30 feet.
- When other passengers are present, male urinal rules preside. Identify the largest expanse, divide by two and stay on your side of the demarcation line.
- If you are simple enough to hit the wrong floor, apologize to the other occupants for your thick nature. If you are actually bent enough to select the wrong floor a second time, complete the job nature started and kindly remove yourself from the gene pool.
- If the elevator mechanically hiccups in any fashion, do not freak out. Your life is not a keanu reeves film nor are your moans and faces extraordinary.
- Do not pass gas in the actual elevator car. And while exiting counts as being 'in' the elevator.
- When more than 5 cars exist, do not throw your briefcase/purse in the closing doors so you can get on. Accept that you missed the boat and wait for the next. Also recognize that you are possibly the fourth person to do this, and the poor suck in the back has now been waiting for 5 minutes to begin his meager journey.
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