I used to drink. I no longer do. I used to try to explain. I no longer do.

A friend of mine was recently bemoaning the agonies of hanging out with people who drank a lot and the relentless push for him to consume equal amounts. While he does not mind the occasional taste he does not desire to swill the unreasonable quantities that are placed in front of him (funny that). So, I shared with this friend my secret weapon when combatting such high-minded fellows.

"If you find yourself taking heat over the glass of coke or water in front of you," I tell him, "simply state, no thanks... recovering alcoholic." No single comment will renovate an uncomfortable and annoying situation faster. And you get the added humor of ?

1. witnessing the priceless look as they size you up, amazed that such a vanilla looking guy could acquire such a rogue disorder at such a tender age.
2. watching them come to grips with the fact that you were once a better drinker than they are attempting to be
3. having them know that you have the internal wherewithal to overcome being a better drinker than they are attempting to be
4. and, digesting that you're strong enough to have once been a barley fish, kick it, and still hang out in a bar with a bunch of lushes without even being tempted by their shiny grogs of plenty.

There are few guarantees in life, but when battling the emotionally addled this fix has been absolute. I promise if you put it into terms they respect, mindless as these terms are, you can enjoy your diet sprite in unencumbered peace.

And, of course it doesn't hurt when you and your real friends behave in a drunken and unabashed fashion without the benefit of alcohol. All the zaniness with none of the slurred speech or $100 plus bar bills at the end of the night that no one pitches in for.