in the event that you are ever speaking with me and i say that i just returned from the betty ford clinic, i'm not referring to the institution proper, but instead my parents' new home. in answer to your next question, i call it this for two reasons.

first, their new home sits out in the middle of nowhere on a gob of acres and the only thing you can see all around are woods and trees and foresty looking horizons which makes one feel like they are in some secluded drug rehab center for the privileged, not that i've ever been in drug rehab or mistaken for the privileged, but if i were either, i reckon this is what i'd expect it to look like.

the second reason i call my parents place the betty ford clinic is that the only other place it reminds me of is the evil killing guy's house from the 80's film manhunter (some may know it as the original silence of the lambs). this guy lived outside of st louis, just like my parents, in the middle of nowhere, just like my parents, and his house made funny noises in the middle of the night, just like my parents. in fact, i'm not totally unconvinced that my parents aren't living in this guy's place. i know it's vacant cuz william peterson waxed the evil guy at the end of manhunter so i know it was available for purchase and killing guys houses outside the metropolitan st louis area aren't the biggest in demand so chances of it being available were more than reasonable.

and, that is why i call my parents house the betty ford clinic. ultimately is just sounds better than saying i just got back from evil killing guys house. people might look at me oddly then and that just won't due.