No set of discipline techniques will give you a good relationship with your children.
Discipline techniques are only fine-tuning mechanisms. As on a television set, the fine-tuning knob will only work when the signal is strong enough. The feeling is the signal.
The feeling is what we feel in our hearts, and the relationships we build ... If the right feeling is not present, our discipline will not work. At best we will get temporary, begrudging compliance.
In essence, two understandings lie at the heart of parenting:
- Our children always carry within them all the mental health and well-being, wisdom and common sense they will ever need. It only needs to be drawn out and nurtured in the kind of loving environment that will help it flourish.
- Our children can access this innate health and wisdom by understanding that they have it, by seeing how they think in ways that keep them from realizing it, and by quieting or clearing their minds of such thinking so their health and wisdom are unveiled and available to guide their lives.
The same is true for parents. We can access our health, well-being and wisdom at any time to guide our parenting.
As trees in a forest naturally gravitate towards the light, when we create the kind of environment that draws out this natural health and wisdom, we naturally guide our children in healthy ways and away from unproductive feelings and disruptive behaviors.
