i believe i can summarize alex's birthday weekend with three snippets of conversation:

-- CONVERSATION 1 --
MARTY
and what's the other hermit crab's name?

ALEX
sleepy.

MARTY
why sleepy?

ALEX
because he hasn't woke up since we got him.



-- CONVERSATION 2 --
ME
hi luke. what's up dude?

LUKE
i punch myself in the face whenever someone says dude. (he does so here)

ME
really dude?

LUKE
yes. (another punch to his face)

2ND 5-YEAR OLD BOY STANDING TO THE SIDE
dude. dude. dude. dude. dude. dude.

LUKE
(good to his word, luke delivered repeated punches to his own face, one for every uttered dude)



-- CONVERSATION 3 --
ME
i think luke peed his pants.

MARTY
no. i thought so too and asked him but he said he was just sweating.

ME
and you believed him?

MARTY
if he really peed, there'd be a lot more than that.

ME (after a long pause and repeated looks at luke)
that has to be one of the most unfortunate male-sweat patterns i've ever seen.