tld
a story and conversation repository (est. 2000)
 
 
  1996 Turkey Tournament Participants

Team Profiles

 
  Pimp Slap Inc.   Chinese Money  
  Team Captain: Brian "Bomber" Dorsey   Team Captain: Miguel Figueras  
  Goal Keeper: Greg Beekman   Goal Keeper: Miguel Figueras  
  Field Players: Brian "Bomber" Dorsey
Matt Orso
Tony Thomas
  Field Players: Aaron Fields
Jose Landolt Figueras
Jim Orso
 
  Captain's Report: With two returning members of '95's champion 3-Man Weave, B. Dorsey and G. Beekman, rising star M. Orso, and scientific genius T. Thomas, Pimp Slap, Inc. looks to tangle a lot of twine on the way to the championship of this year's Tourney. Now where my money at!?!   Captain's Report: This year's goal is to be playing in the championship game. We're not a very big team, but we love to counter-attack & run the floor. As opposed to other teams, who's best defense is a strong offense, we consider ourselves primarily a defensive team who looks to capitalize on turnovers and short offensive spurts. Also, I can't wait to see Isaiah knock Brian Dorsey upside his grill and knock him on his ass.  


  www.DutyFreeJesus.com   Team Fish  
  Team Captain: Matt "Scarecrow" Nichols   Team Captain: Erik "Skip" Rogers  
  Goal Keeper: Matt Nichols   Goal Keeper: "The Tree" Kevin McLauhglin  
  Field Players: Mike "King" Dorsey
Troy "Doorstep" DeArmitt
  Field Players: Erik "Skip" Rogers
Seth Frederiksen
Timmy Green
 
  Captain's Report: With both "Doorstep" and "The King of Positioning" on my side, I feel very confident with the roster I was able to draft for this year's Tournament. I got two guys who really know the game and have a feeling for being in the right place at the right time. I'm hoping to be able to distribute the ball well enough to give these guys their chances to work their magic. Plus, we got the Lord AND the Internet on our side. Anything other than an appearance in the finals would be a disappointment.com.   Captain's Report: We're really looking forward to this year's Turkey Tournament. We have three rookies with athletic promise and athletic know-how. We're looking to turn natural ability into a finely tuned Land Polo team. I'm personally really happy to again play an active part in this year's USLPA Tournament since recovering from my year long injury.  


  Columbian National Team
(Team Turmoil)
     
  Team Captain: Frank "Hank" Mulgravy        
  Goal Keeper Frank "Hank" Mulgravy    
  Field Players: Kurt Kaiser
Vince "Knuckles" Hughes
Isaiah "Ike" DeLorenzo
   
  Captain's Report: We are a team blessed with an enormous amount of individual talent. We do not lack any raw ability to play the game of Land Polo. What we are missing is a strong sense of "team cohesiveness." Still looking for that common team goal to bond us, we often have problems working together as a unit. Do not underestimate our abilities, however, as we can strike fiercely and often at any given time.    


  Player Profiles  

  Greg Beekman  
  Age: 25  
  Height 6' 4 1/2"  
  Weight: 210 lbs (20 stones)  
  Position: Goalkeeper (with ability to play forward)  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Muck and Grind  
  Land Polo Experience: approx 8 years  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Winning last year's Turkey Tournament and being named to the All-Tourney team.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory Kneeing Rick Rogers in the jaw and debilitating him from playing the sax the next night at the Red Sea.  

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  Troy "Doorstep" DeArmitt  
  Age: 27  
  Height 5' 7"  
  Weight: 140 lbs  
  Position: Forward  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: That of a West Coast finesse player  
  Land Polo Experience: 1 year  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Having Matt Nichols place a hand on my shoulder and tell me what a strong game I played. I shuddered.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory Having Matt Nichols place a hand on my shoulder and tell me what a pathetic game I played. I whimpered.  

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  Brian "Bomber" Dorsey  
  Age: 24  
  Height 6' 5"  
  Weight: 210 lbs.  
  Position: Power Forward  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Shoot first, shoot second. Capitalize on turnovers.  
  Land Polo Experience: 6 years  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Winning 1995 Ice Bowl Tournament. Named to All-Tournament team.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory When Dylan's wife was murdered by her own crime boss father.  

  top  

  Mike "King of Positioning" Dorsey  
  Age: 269 Months  
  Height 6' 5"  
  Weight: 210 lbs.  
  Position: King of...  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Enforcer  
  Land Polo Experience: 3 years  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Participating in the Mud Bowl of 1993, snow-blowing the Wash U Quad for the Ice Bowl of 1995.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory I only have fond memories with regards to Land Polo.  

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  Aaron Fields  
  Age: 23  
  Height 6' 1"  
  Weight: 195 lbs.  
  Position: Forward/Defender (anything but goalie)  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Gas, grass or ass...No one scores free.  
  Land Polo Experience: 1 year  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Being named the Rookie of the year in '95.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory The seven days following the Turkey '95 when I couldn't walk.  

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  Jose Landolt Figueras  
  Age: 18  
  Height 5' 9"  
  Weight: 157 lbs.  
  Position: Left field: keeper  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Favorite plays include Dangerous Grandpa and Flying Elvis (Utah Chapter)  
  Land Polo Experience: 4 - 5 years  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Playing with King and Miguel at Flynn Park along with other players.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory When I was never allowed to use Fat Bat staff.  

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  Miguel Figueras  
  Age: 26  
  Height 5' 9"  
  Weight: 170 lbs.  
  Position: Goalkeeper  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Defensive  
  Land Polo Experience: 10 Years  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Jason Tom as the Original Horowitz.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory When TKEman broke Skip's face; when Frank Hogrebe and I were involved in the Behl/Kaletta disallowed goal incident during the 1991 tournament.  

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  Seth Frederikson  
  Age: 117 (17)  
  Height 6' 11" (5' 10")  
  Weight: 250 lbs. (175 lbs.)  
  Position: Left Out  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Quick yet slow, plays better with a blindfold  
  Land Polo Experience: 25 years Australian National Team (none)  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: After my team won the European Cup the opposing team's cheerleaders took me to their hotel and...(never mind).  
  Worst Land Polo Memory The day after the cheerleaders.  

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  Timmy Green  
  Age: 32  
  Height 5' 11"  
  Weight: 200 lbs.  
  Position: Defense/Offense/Goalkeeper  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Free-style, free-for-all, born-free, freedom-jam, free free set them free  
  Land Polo Experience: Rookie  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: When King told me that my long lost friend Skip had drafted me.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory When I lodged the land polo staff in my groin.  

  top  

  Vince "Knuckles" Hughes  
  Age: 24  
  Height 5' 10 3/4"  
  Weight: 151 lbs.  
  Position: Field player  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Backroom style of play, oriented to the assist, lightning speed, willing to take two for the team.  
  Land Polo Experience: 3 years: Columbia league  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: There is no fondness in this sport - what is this? - the ice capades?!  
  Worst Land Polo Memory It was a cold, windy day...my team was facing a triple header - and subsequently lost all three games.  

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  Kurt Kaiser  
  Age: 28  
  Height 5' 9"  
  Weight: 160 lbs.  
  Position: Field Player  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: "Money" from outside; deceptive speed; dependable in "the clutch."  
  Land Polo Experience: 2 years: Columbia league  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: They're all fond.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory The morning after.  

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  Kevin McLaughlin  
  Age: 26  
  Height 6' 6"  
  Weight: 275 lbs.  
  Position: Unknown  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Quick bursts of tremendous speed followed by extended periods of inactivity.  
  Land Polo Experience: None  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: The fact that I did not participate in last year's Ice Bowl.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory The fact that I did not participate in last year's Ice Bowl.  

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  Frank "Hank" Mulgravy  
  Age: 26  
  Height 5' 8"  
  Weight: 160 lbs.  
  Position: Star  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Good hands: pesky in the corners; has a nose for the net.  
  Land Polo Experience: 6 - 7 years professional; introduced game to Columbia, Mo.  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Jose!  
  Worst Land Polo Memory Jose!  

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  Matt "Scarecrow" Nichols  
  Age: 53  
  Height 6' 10"  
  Weight: 260 lbs.  
  Position: Goalkeeper  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: I play "Scatterbrained" Polo  
  Land Polo Experience: 7 years, 4 hours, 37 minutes  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Getting to witness Eric Burdge, in his first Turkey Tournament, win the rookie of the year award.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory Swamp Daddy "hanging up" his Star Force helmet.  

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  Jim Orso  
  Age: 19  
  Height 6' 0"  
  Weight: 150 lbs.  
  Position: Cornerback  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Offense-oriented, with recently developed hit-and-run tactics.  
  Land Polo Experience: 1.5 tournaments  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Skip's team knocking Jose around.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory Vomiting, sitting on the sideline.  

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  Matt Orso  
  Age: 18  
  Height 6' 0"  
  Weight: 180 lbs.  
  Position: Utility  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Trained under the close supervision of Helmet to imitate his staff-handling and unique perspective of the sport.  
  Land Polo Experience: 2 tournaments  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Jim Orso vomiting, sitting on the sideline.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory Helmet's intimidating field presence.  

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  Erik "Skip" Rogers  
  Age: 25  
  Height 6' 1" (neck: 15 1/2", waist: 33", inseam: 32", arm length: 35")  
  Weight: 180 lbs.  
  Position: Offensive powerhouse in the style of Michigan's Tractor  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: The whole package. Most notable is the dominating skills on offense. To coin a phrase describing Skip by the honorable Swamp Daddy, "Skip is what we call Tall Rug!"  
  Land Polo Experience: co-founder  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: The championship victories of Nichols-n'-Skip. There have been no better. Also the first punch ball instituted by Swamp.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory Taking a knee to the mouth from the always intense Beekman.  

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  Isaiah "Ike" DeLorenzo  
  Age: 25  
  Height 6' 2"  
  Weight: 185 lbs.  
  Position: Field player  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Has the ability to break any game wide open. Head games and maintaining focus are his biggest downfall, but do not underestimate his naturally explosive abilities.  
  Land Polo Experience: Undisclosed at time of printing.  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Imitating Mark Eaton after scoring.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory Being kissed by Father Doody after scoring.  

  top  

  Tony Thomas  
  Age: 35  
  Height 2 m  
  Weight: 745 Newton's  
  Position: Field  
  Distinguishable Style of Play: Uses laptop computer to calculate the magnitude and direction of applied force and trajectory.  
  Land Polo Experience: 20 years professional in Borneo  
  Fondest Land Polo Memory: Hitting Miguel Figueras with ball in back of head and having it go in goal.  
  Worst Land Polo Memory Getting hit with ball in the head and having it go in goal. Shot by Miguel.  


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Originally Published:
July 2000
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