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MONORAIL: Entries Tagged with NEWS (52)

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ENTERTAINMENT, SOCIETY 2004-06-24
it saddens me terribly
of the documentary-based movies i've seen recently (fog of war, super-size me) and am about to see (fahrenheit 9/11, like don't ya know) i must say that my majority feeling has been one of anger. well, and of course there's disbelief. and, i'd hate to leave out disappointment. and then you've always got good ole american apathy.

if only selfish-ass behavior was a reusable natural resource, this planet would be set for the next trillion years. assuming that the corporate or governmental agency charged with its control didn't totally screw the human race over for the benefit of the top three executives. and in considering that, go ahead and scrap the canning of selfish behavior idea because the power broker's record aint all that impressive when it comes to doing the noble and global thing.

and, don't think i'm not hip to how unoriginal this rant is. that's just how damn sad i feel about it all.
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LIFE, SOCIETY 2003-10-13
Happy Indian Resistance Day
Christopher Columbus was the spearhead of the biggest invasion and genocide ever seen in the history of humanity.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez urging Latin Americans on Saturday not to celebrate Columbus Day, saying the 1492 discovery of the Americas triggered a 150-year "genocide" of native Indians by foreign conquerors who behaved "worse than Hitler.
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ENTERTAINMENT, FAMILY, LIFE, SOCIETY 2003-09-29
honey, where are the diapers, i'm making a bundt cake?
a favorite food item of mine has long been a baked potato liberally doused in colby jack cheese, spring onions and sour cream. on very special occasions i may even spatter some bacon pieces on top to treat my aching palette.

saturday i was doing the dishes. i was possibly thinking about such a decadent spud while doing so. meanwhile an interview with a food photographer came on the radio. he was detailing the rigors of shooting different cuisines and how all of these artificial measures had to be taken to make the food look fresh out of the oven, frozen stiff or whatever the case may be. he revealed how to perfectly simulate an oven-fresh, piping hot potato, one simply had to take a totally water-condensed tampon, heated and shove it down into the fluffy white manna to simulate those hot spirals of steam one gets when first piercing the brown pod. works every time, he assured the interviewer.

yeah, well you know what else works every time? planting imagery in my head of my favorite food being immersed or otherwise wrapped around doctored feminine hygiene products. show some respect for the world around you! you bragging dolt!
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SOCIETY 2003-04-14
would it be safe to assume you're not an NPR subscriber
the war is definitely a touchy topic and many people are guarded with who they discuss the matter with. contrary to most media outlets i feel that there are more than two camps out there and the factions are more complex than the simple pro-war/pro-peace groups getting most of the press. given this, i'm extra cautious about floating most opinions out there.

but, there was this one guy i was talking to who didn't seem to have this tread lightly attitude. "they're just savages, nothing but savages, we've got no choice" he kept repeating this over and over in regard to the iraqi people. finally, i asked him if he knew what the difference between himself and one of these savages was. he said no and asked, facetiously, if i might enlighten him. of course i would. the difference between you and these savages is that you were born here and they were born there. and it's not hurting any that you were born white at that.

we didn't get into the specifics of what he did to earn, deserve or control this minor detail of his life or the benefits he enjoys by this distinction. i didn't get the sense he was ready for that. his pulsing neck veins and clenched fists helped me draw this conclusion.
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SOCIETY 2003-04-08
an un-caped crusader
i was listening to an interview on npr about a woman who was struggling with an obesity issue. there came a point in her struggle, she recalled, that she decided to kill herself. so she walked to this bridge near her home, climbed up on the ledge and was preparing to jump when she looked over to the side and saw this guy in the bushes on the river's edge masturbating to her potential dive. she got all disgusted by this scene, climbed back down to safety, went home and has never tried again.

is it wrong that i find this funny? and sure, i can admit that i'm a little bit jealous that i've never been given the opportunity to use my powers for such good. some people just get all the luck.
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ENTERTAINMENT, WEB, FAMILY, TECHNOLOGY, SOCIETY 2003-02-03
i should have stayed in bed
friday i had a to present an intranet design to my groups' primary client. all went well but the two-hour affair left me a touch on the spent side. so i left work a little early as to get a small nap in before the girls got home, only upon arriving home i found that my dsl provider severed my internet connection a full 10 days before they were supposed to as part of an 'upgrade' they are mandating on all customers.

16 hours later i was able to raise a web page again. i then went to check my mail only to find it equally disabled. i called them next. it would seem some moron was trying to send me a 260mb email. after further investigation it was discovered that that moron was me. at the end of every month i have my monthly logfile detailing this site's web activity emailed to me. this file is usually around 15mb, but after being linked to by jason kottke, metafilter, usa today and a south dakota 10 o'clock news show, this single text file came in at 260mb, which in itself exceeds my full web space allocation. and this does not even account for the rest of my site. ultimately this single large-ass item was rendering my mail file completely impotent. after 8 calls to my host, 6 attempts to kill the individual message, and three full deletions of my mail file, i can again receive mail.

the bad news is anyone who sent me any mail between friday afternoon and sunday evening will have to resend it should they want me to see it. the worse news is because of that mail fiasco which turned my 30mb mail file into a 1.5gb frankenstein, i have 25 days to get a 1.8gb daily space average down to under 250mb or else my usual $25.00 hosting fee will more resemble a meager $1800. and, i hope it goes without saying that the everyman prizes next year may suck worse than this weekend if i don't get that squared away on the quick.

and, i have a favor to ask of someone. if i prove unable to reduce this billing amount, i need someone to tell marty for me. someone who is big and strong and can run like the wind. a lesser man may not survive the deed.
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ENTERTAINMENT, SOCIETY, SPORT, FRIENDS 2002-10-30
an all-new level of shrinkage
just in case anyone hasn't yet heard about this guy at the Calgary hockey game who stripped naked and jumped on the ice, slipped and knocked himself out, i thought i'd share the following photo from the event.

it is possibly one of the best shots of this ilk i've seen in some time, capturing the mood of a moment. the range of expressions from the people looking on is astounding. and how the supports for the glass obstruct the guys package is also perfect.

i've also included an account from someone who was supposedly sitting next to the guy.

thanks for the forward bomber.
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LIFE, SOCIETY 2002-10-23
new and improved
so bookpimp was moaning the other day about this.

for me this is is not a sign of the apocalypse but rather simply a long overdue measure. to me, eating the crust on bread is like eating the rind of an orange or the wrapper of a candy bar. just cuz it's there doesn't necessarily dictate that it's meant to be ingested.

now something i do hate is our society's neurosis about convenience because if truly analyzed it is not so much about time saving as it is about sheer laziness. from yogurt in a tube to peanut butter and jelly mixed in a squeeze bottle there just seems to be no end. and given this i'm wondering why the hell i'm still asked to apply my salt separately from my pepper.

the sad thing is you know some greedy-ass company somewhere has actually looked at this. can you in any way imagine dedicating your professional life to creating a vehicle that would allow the morton folks to combine the salt and pepper together. although challenges would exist because the very fine salt keeps moving to the bottom, damn it and then when you tip it to shake something out you get mostly pepper but when upside down that wily salt races to the top and when it gets there comes out more rapidly than the pepper. damn the constantly moving salt. i'd love to be that guy. after reporting that it looked like it just wasn't going to work because the salt is finer and heavier and my boss would fly into a rage. "dammit dearmitt, cannot is not an option. won't work is unacceptable. you WILL figure out how to make our Sepper product work. we cannot expect people to just continue to pass salt AND pepper shakers up and down the dinner table. it's un-american. and i won't have it. not on my watch by god and so help us and get back to work dearmitt you sniveling little nay-sayer!"

i'd quit that job quick and start working on my own dream-child; the odorless bowel movement in a tube for when you just don't have to go. and you know i'm all about co-branding this with the handi-wipe folks and while i'm at it i'll hit up those waterless hand-cleanser people and i'm sure someone could figure out how to package it all up in a convenient, pocket sized, recyclable aerodynamic piece of belt-wear.
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SOCIETY, TECHNOLOGY 2002-10-18
slow news day or not, i'm still reading
this article more than summarizes how sad and stagnating today's pc market has become. hp is greatly hyping a new line of machines that can also act like a tv. now let's put aside that fact that anyone can tv-enable their existing pc for under a hundred dollars, could have for the last 5 years. let's also put aside the fact that HP is #1 in computer sales. certainly they have only the best intentions with your hard-earned dollar and will settle for nothing less than the most talented and skilled innovators in crafting their technology. but, sadly in the end this is the best our greatest pc manufacturer can do. oh, but wait a minute, this just in, "The PC can also store digital photos and play DVDs." Now that changes things. i never thought a computer would be capable of such grandiose and robust functionality in my lifetime. i mean how do they reach such heights in this nubile year of 2002. man, the people at HP sure are on it.

meanwhile, on the microsoft front, their latest ad campaign was debunked earlier this week. it seems that they were going to use apple's own Switch movement against them and have ex-mac users talk about how windows has released them from the bonds that tied them. only problem was the picture of the woman claiming this epiphany was purchased from a stock photo site and she, a freelance writer, was hired by microsoft craft this sincere account. now while the pr machine that is microsoft doesn't fumble often, it sure is fun to watch the ball fly loose every now and again. because when it comes down to it, we all know that microsoft is simply an advertising company that dabbles in computers.
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ENTERTAINMENT, SOCIETY 2002-08-29
ellie mae better be smokin'
so did you hear there's going to be yet another reality tv show next season. this one's a real life beverly hillbillies deal. the story goes that cbs is going to take applications from 'lower middle class' families and will then let the anointed ones live in some mansion in beverly hills for one year, documenting their and others acclimation to the process. while one might think that this is bordering on pissing the cruelty to animals faction off, cbs assures subscribers that's not where they're headed with it.

"CBS vice president of alternative programming Ghen Maynard said the series will have a humorous tone, though with a respect for the family..."

oh to be sitting in the room when this one was pitched. i'm sure all the execs were thinking the same thing: six slow and simple virginia hillbillies in the most judgmental and ill-suited locale possible. this just screams exercise in respect if i've ever seen it.

you know the reality show i want to see? i want to see the show that takes cbs vice president, ghen maynard out of his corporate tower, strips him of all his assets and clout, and then kicks him out the back of a van in backwoods alabama naked and with the word 'pedophile' written on his chest with an indelible marker. cameras would stealthily follow his progress and take in all the wacky hi-jinks and madcap hilarity sure to ensue. now that would be funny. very funny, yet respectful.
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LIFE, SOCIETY 2002-06-20
you wouldn't like her when she's mad
You stupid, stupid, stupid bastard.
Hillary Clinton after the hillbilly confessed to his monica transgression, as heard by some staffers
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FRIENDS, SOCIETY 2002-06-14
suck
i send my thoughts to:

the englebrecht family who just lost their home and family dog, bacardi, in a fire.

the smart family of utah who are going through the most horrific experience i can conceive.

and, a.w. who is about to go through a very emotional and difficult time in her life.

and the cadres of humans i don't know who are facing and dealing with adversity and trial the likes of that many of us have never seen. take a moment to wish strength upon them and appreciate how little suck, actual life-defining suck, there is in your life.
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FAMILY, SOCIETY, LIFE 2001-11-30
good thing you got that SUV
i just read where it snowed 20 inches overnight and 4 feet in the last week in vail, colorado. i miss living in a place that has four seasons. hell, i miss living in a place with even three seasons. st louis has two gears, hotter than sin and colder than my dates with erica the monkey girl.
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SOCIETY 2001-09-21
keep the faith brothers and sisters


mark fiore - the san jose mercury

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SOCIETY 2001-09-20
do not forget!


jack ohman - the portland oregonian

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SOCIETY 2001-09-19
we're not russia


steve breen - the asbury park press

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SOCIETY 2001-09-18
usa - top of the food chain


scott stantis - the birmingham news

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SOCIETY 2001-09-17
and you think you pay too much in taxes


kevin siers - charlotte observer

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LIFE, SOCIETY 2001-09-14
I lied.
I know I said I was done, but while working on today's entry, it just didn't seem right. I received the following in my email and thought it offered a unique perspective on this ordeal, meaning it's not a political analyst or re-playing the same 10 shots of the actual carnage. As for if this concludes my entries on this or not, it would seem apparent that I cannot honestly say. We'll see. Meanwhile please share in this personal essay, The Price We Pay.
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SOCIETY 2001-09-13
One last thing
I had a mini anxiety attack tonight. After watching 12 hours of peter Jennings on Tuesday and listening to gobs of NPR today I had to just get away so I went to a 10pm viewing of Rock Star (love aniston, love wahlberg) to get a little dose of the ole Americana. So now to take the advice of our leaders, I will get back to business as usual (tomorrow). But, first let me leave you with a shot of the vigil at Washington University I ran into while making my way back from a cancelled class Tuesday evening.
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SOCIETY 2001-09-12
Remember those less fortunate than you
On the morning of September 11th, I stood in front of my tv with child in arms and cried.

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SOCIETY 2001-07-30
Pam Anderson is his accountant
If I were able to eradicate five things from the planet, one of them would be advertisements. This phenomenal waste of paper and human time is seriously outlandish. The only thing not wasted was the cost of my anger-management class because it proved ever helpful in coping with the deluge of crap I receive physically, digitally, and over my phone.

Given this, you can imagine my elation when I read about the fine dining establishment of Hooters in Augusta, Georgia having to close its doors after filing bankruptcy when they lost a 12.5 million dollar lawsuit. The crime: faxing unsolicited ads about their apparel challenged eatery to random recipients. It seems the proprietor did not know about, or banked on others not knowing about, an obscure federal law passed around ten years ago making it illegal to send faxes to people in a spam-like fashion. His defense: the ad agency he used, owned and operated by one Bambi Clark, said that she did it all the time.

Hooters is entangled in a second lawsuit regarding another little known law that states people should be smarter than to take legal advice from someone named Bambi.

Bambi Clark has been subpoenaed and asked to expound on her statement, doing it all the time.

Troy DeArmitt found himself in an unrelated lawsuit for claiming he had attended an anger management class, when in fact he had not.
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SOCIETY 2001-06-29
whatever

It's more than safe to say that i don't run into the people polled in this survey in my daily machinations.
taken from usatoday.com snapshots
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SOCIETY 2001-05-01
Summer School News
I hate the news. And, because I hate the news, I never watch or read the news. Well, that's not entirely true, I will occasionally catch myself watching the 10 o'clock atrocity or reading the front page of the times. Each exposure leaves me curious how so many people regularly subscribe to this poison bullet. It's grotesquely depressing and 95% does not even pertain to the general public, weather representing 4% of what is applicable and what are you going to do about that anyway. Now before you start tisk tisking me too much allow me to reveal that I'm not a total dullard living under a rock of voluntary ignorance.

I treat news like many people treat viewable television. I wait for a show to receive national buy-in, or friendly buy-in at least, before committing my time to it. I wait to hear what's hopping and then bring it up in passing to one of my more scholarly friends. What then transpires is an individual and personalized telling of the tragedy of the week complete with hindsight analysis as well as the speaker's speculatory impressions. Today, I received my update on this row we're having with China. If that's not a Clancy novel in the making, I don't know that hack half as well as I think I do. Almost simultaneously I stumbled upon this letter to China, which certainly proved more humorous given my 12-minute crash course on the topic.
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SOCIETY 2001-02-16
please step away from the camera
j-lo, cruise, stallone, puff, eminem. What used to only live in the enquirer now rates the 10:00 news. I can't be the only one miffed about this marzipan use of our country's great communication network, but I'm also not the only one who does not consume these channels of import regularly. Therefore, the question stands, how does one boycott something they do not use or purchase in the first place? Best answer receives a free VHS tape of Christian Slater's classic opus Kuffs.

I'm not kidding, the ex-radio promotion is in a box in my basement right now.
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