i almost bought one of these today which means if i don't own one by friday, i've been kidnapped and locked in a basement to serve as someone's gimp or hit by a cellphone talking motorist. and for those who have never met me, we're talking about the 40gb variety, not the child-size 20.

and, the sweetest part of this whole announcement is that it comes on the heels of sony's media player challenge to apple. even before apple released these new models it took me all of two seconds to see that what sony came to play with had no kind of prayer. sony seems to think people buy the ipod solely for disk space, size and the whatnot. how can the makers of the vaio be that clueless about the design and innovation factors behind apple's player. regardless, with a sexier, cheaper ipod up to bat, sony may as well cut their losses and donate the units they've produced to retirement communities or the like cuz theys about to get a very solid ass-whoopin.

and, let us not forget sony's last contribution to the computer-based music scene. not exactly who i want in charge of my digital media.

for any potential buyers of my first generation ipod, i think marty's got eyes for it.

and in closing, sony please bite me ... yet again.

if i could invent one thing to give to mankind, to improve society, i would devise something called the truth box. the truth box would be infallible. it could not be deceived and could tell with absolute certainty if its subject was answering a question truthfully. additionally the truth box would have a compartment for a body part to be inserted. first offense would always be a hand, excepting se...

surprise! microsoft is launching YET ANOTHER operating system, longhorn. is it just me or didn't they just inundate the planet with a groundbreaking OS (XP) just days ago. i mean, i had just decided that enough time had passed to actually install the product and now it's obsolete before it has even had time to collect dust on the shelves.

excitedly though, the main focus of longhorn is to eradicate the often-required reboots. yeah, i wouldn't worry none about the porous security plaguing every OS you've ever released, i'd definitely go for less reboots. definitely much more import behind that.

dolts.

it has come to my attention that the most particular of my friends is struggling through a dilemma.

it would seem his wife dropped her shiny new clie palm pilot in a public toilet. he and i thought the same thing, 'oh suck, now i've got to buy another pda'. she thought something entirely different though, something along the lines of 'how am i ever going to dry off my pda now that i just fished it out of the toilet'.

i leave you with a message i know to be fact; all things are disposable given the proper conditions.

so i've spent the last six months building a replacement intranet for my employer. there were 40 applications. a cumulative total of more than 2,000 files. we were meticulous. we were clean. i've worked 10 weekends since alex was born. i've been in the office 25 of the last 34 hours. i would not fail. it was simply not permissable.

and then, 7 hours before my site went live, some totally unrelated systems issues took a giant wet shit on the hood of my shiny new sports car. it was the most tainted successful rollout i've ever been asked to oversee.

bitch.

i'm quite different from most of the guys i work with. this is typical. but usually not as pronounced as my current situation. in the eyes of my colleagues i'm prissy, snobbish, delicate and several other decidedly negative terms, by their estimation at least. the only thing i could say about them is they are men, real, un-concentrated men.

the other day one of the uber-men informed me that if i mentioned UNIX one more time (they are a microsoft shop) a certain three of them were going to drag me out back and kick my ass. they don't know UNIX and aren't entirely comfortable with what such a change may hold for their future employment in this firm. i confidently told him i could defend such an attack. curious, he asked what 160 pounds of me was going to do against the combined 2,000 pounds of their three-man gorilla-squad. i would simply act like your pummeling aroused me, sexually. his countenance changed quite visibly. he admitted that this just may work.

the powerbook found a new home in chicago.

which means a 23 inch cinema display found a new home right here in saint lou last night.

man does it feel good to scratch a two year itch. i could go on about this latest step towards technological nirvana or i could simply share a conversation i had moments after buying the thing.

ok, first off. thanks for the support everyone sent on the interview deal. it made a rather harrowing day a little less harrowing. given your interest, i guess i shouldn't leave you hanging.

the first interview didn't go as hoped. somewhere in the selection process there was a disconnect. essentially, i said i'm a web designer/developer and they said "oh you're a gutter repairman? Perfect! that's exactly what we need." so that one didn't really pan out so well.

the second position holds greater promise. they are actually looking for a web designer/developer. i feel as though that interview came off pretty well. although i think at one point i may have given the questioner the impression that i get aroused by coding web pages. and yeah, i do mean that kind of aroused. so i may need to turn the excitement level down a notch as to not terrify any potential employers. i go back there tomorrow (1pm cst) for the technical interview and should know something early next week. i'll keep you posted, assuming i don't succumb to the pleasure surrounding updating my web site.

so friday was the grand opening of the new super mall for saint louis. wanna know how big a deal it was? vern from trading spaces was making an appearance.

saturday morning was the big unveiling our very own apple store in said mall. you know what there is a big difference between? soccer moms who make an event of going to the new super mall and geeks who go to pay homage to a particular brand of computer the day there first local store opens.

earlier in the week man who screams like woman (MWSLW) asked if i was going. sure. you want to go together? sure. ok, i'll meet you at 6. for those not reading the news, this would be four full hours before the doors were to be opened. but, if you wanted a shirt (to the first 1000) you best get their at 6.

since i could make my very own shirt in the same 4 hours, i elected to not join MWSLW. when i arrived shortly before they opened the doors there was a line. there was a line so long that it went down the mall and wrapped around multiple potted trees and lengths of glass handrails blocking the way of the hustling mall-goers. in trying to get through the mass they would anxiously ask what all the ruckus was about. new apple store. what's an apple store? apple is a computer company. hmm, what are they giving away. well, shirts, but that's not why everyone is standing in line. well why then. ... there's a reason these two groups of people don't mix by choice. by the end of my wait i was simply saying "if you gotta ask, i can't explain."

and, by the way, i did get a shirt. i'm wearing it right now. have been since i got it. the next time you see me, i'll still be wearing it. i shower in my new shirt. i mean, i did wait in line and talk to all those silly humans after all. i earned this shirt.

in the name of all that is holy (to me) if you are looking to purchase a pda (personal digital assistant), buy a unit, any unit, that runs the Palm OS. WinCE (or wince) devices represent microsoft's bloated and ill-considered attempt at breaking into the market. you know what they did? they shoehorned their desktop operating system into a handheld device. this was the extent of their innovation and in their speed and greed they did not see the shortsightedness of this decision. i won't bore anyone with the multitude of issues related to this improper application of technology, but will rave incessantly to any who may inquire.

so stop looking at the pretty colors and flashy pr and base your decision on an informed assessment of the technology and how you hope it improves your process.

and, if you've already made up your mind about what you're getting (and it's not a palm), stop wasting my time. i could be busy asking you things i want to know about.

sorry, you'll have to forgive me because i know it's old news but it happened while i was away and i must speak to the sony music protection debacle (which i was moaning about back on 04.16.02). let me just take a moment to say HAAAA HAAAA AAAAHHH HAAAA HAAAAA (gasp for breath) BAAAA HAAAA AAAAHHH HAAAA HAAAAA.

keep up your ground-breaking and bullet-proof innovations sony because you WILL win. we all know it.

have you heard the latest? in attempt to quell the music sharing revolution, music companies are now selling cd's that not only won't play on a computer but will, by design, actually crash the computer if attempted ... like halting a computer mid-processing is some innocuous and meaningless matter.

before today i kept my napster, limewire, morpheus and other music sharing avenues to a moderate minimum before, out of respect of the abuse factor. it is now my intention to download every song sony music has ever produced and make it easily and readily available for any and all who may be so inclined to do the same. and if those dollar whores at sony and the other record companies think that the geeks on this planet will not break, crack, destroy and annihilate any safeguards they may take, they are thicker than the prophylactic measures they employ.

crash _my_ computer in the name of your profit margin. yeah, right. bite me sony.

sorry bookpimp but it's really not my fault.

two weeks after buying my first ipod, I purchased my second ipod at the apple store in st paul's atrocity of america. this would be because 9 days after buying my first ipod, apple released a newer and bigger ipod for a mere $100 more and as I like to say when dealing in such matters, they're giving them away. So now instead of 5gb I have 10gb of space and instead of having 1000 songs I have 2000.

the first thing marty asked was where i planned on getting the extra 100 bucks. i was happy to report that my wedding ring already drew an impressive $135 on ebay.

i certainly hope i have demonstrated that when i see something i want, need, crave and covet i can whore up with the best of them. grail like in its majesty the shiny bauble now rests in my recently washed and thoroughly exfoliated hand. we've been unduly and unjustly kept from one another, but not again, never again, will i abandon you my sweet. i will carry you in your protective sheath near my heart, clipped at the waist or tucked in the man-purse but you will be on my person at all times. my living will is being adjusted as we speak and as of this moment i will never share my bed with another.

ok bookpimp, i'm done. i'm finally and exhaustively done.

Last night Man Who Screams Like Woman (MWSLW) and myself went to our local apple users group to see what they had to offer. We were thoroughly excited and had largish expectations of what we would find. Upon arriving at the session and nabbing some seats, we quietly took in the scene with sullen faces. After several quiet minutes, MWSLW leaned over to me and whispered, "So what do you think?" I responded, "I think we somehow have landed on the set of Cocoon."

Everyone was over sixty but us and this kid in the back row whose speaking voice greatly resembled the synthesized computer guy from War Games (Do you want to play a game?). I almost asked the facilitator to just point me to the shuffleboard lanes so I could get my stick on before the rheumatism set in and I'd have to settle for pinochle on the veranda with professor plum, floyd the barber and one of the gabor girls.

But, as karma would have it, during our dejected departure from the meeting and in the middle of our mutterings, we found a gay magazine, the adult variety, in the street that seemed to have been specially crafted for that lonely trucker away from home. And, as luck would have it, that's me. I mean that's us. I mean that's the most surreal evening I've had in some time. Come to think of it, the only thing that would have made the evening more surreal is if said magazine had catered to elderly gay truckers.

just in case you call a cave your home, computers changed again yesterday thanks to our friends at apple.

get yours now here.

and i actually listened to a geek slap fight yesterday regarding this product. i personally felt the death blow came when the guy defending the new model said the following to the guy who wanted to keep his beige rectangle because it looked normal.

As far as the design, well, I understand. Some people just can't let go of their Members Only jackets neither.

i so love verbal warfare.

i was going to get one of these for marty this christmas until i read this help desk posting. freaky as that is, it's not as bad as the tickle me elmo doll i had that would grope and diddle himself whenever he got dropped.

i took my Computer Programming Theory final earlier this week. a few people have asked about the experience and if i'm all about being a java guru now. sure. why not. i've feigned worse. but, the major flaw here is in the question being asked. it's not always about where we are in the end, but what, if any, memorable moments we incurred along the way. because it is, in the end, these moments that will keep us warm and grinning in our old age. so instead of boasting on the net result of this experience allow me to instead speak to one of the alpha moments over this last academic season.

my professor was a portly fellow, santa claus portly. this is good in an educator. he also oftentimes wore oxford shirts with a thin v-neck sweater on top as an accent piece also fitting the role. this is also good because you want your instructor to look instructorish. every class before lecturing the prof would run through some prepatory steps seemingly to get his game face on. these rituals included checking his silver chalk pencil for chalk, patting his shirt pocket for his red light beam laser, sliding his 64 oz quick trip beverage towards the rear of the desk and lastly, always lastly, hitching up his pants to their rightful place in preparation for the pacing and moving about that was moments from happening. now, i'm sure it goes without saying that it is here, in this final step, where the fun begins.

first, he would carefully fold the sweater up exposing the drooping belt line as well as the lowest buttons of the oxford. this creates a half-shirt kind of look (anyone remember those?) with the sweater. he then digs his thumbs inside his trousers at about 10 and 2, slightly bends his knees, causing a break in his legs, and then stands straight up, pulling sharply on his pants and leaning back with the flow. this process, when complete, could effectively raise his equator anywhere from 5-9 inches, depending on the given starting point, amount of flex in the knees and energy exerted on the upward lift. to conclude the ceremony, the sweater is neatly folded back down concealing the work area and smoothed out to quell any evidence that might point to the event.

i reckon this should not be a completely mesmerizing experience for me, but every time it occurred, i got the guilty feeling that not only was i witnessing some personal act, but that i was front and center for a terribly obscene ablution which was not meant for me. in fact, i would avert my gaze, but my leaning eyes betrayed this intention, acting on their own, committed to not missing a single stroke of this well-practiced and highly appreciated dance. so in answer to your question, i'm now, as can be seen, one java coding fool.

Doctor Stevie stopped in town last night on his way to San Francisco. He claims to be going to a medical conference on infectious diseases, but he looks rather suspicious about it all.

In a conversation between he, Marty and I, the term PDA came up in reference to a young couple. I admitted to not understanding the meaning of this inference. They looked at each other in that 'are you kidding me kind of way' and explained that it stood for "Public Display of Affection." Thinking they were joking I asked what it really meant and after exchanging sideways looks again, the mocking began. What do you think it means, personal digital assistant, they asked. Well yes, I replied. They then informed me that I shouldn't wear my dork badge so loudly on my sleeve. A lot they know, we carry them in our wallet.

I had every intention on posting updates to my sight while away last week, but one thing stood between me and my site, all sites for that matter, the ever-advertised and always talked about JUNO. Until attempting to use their service via my parents' pc, I had never contemplated the meaning of their moniker. But after spending 20 minutes trying to get connected on three separate occasions and getting the warning from my mother that you can only connect after 11pm did I realize that juno stood for "JUNO nothing about the internet if you use this service." The sixty minutes I invested in trying to get connected to the net took five years off of my life, easy.

Gave my palm and email environments an overhaul tonight. Blew everything out and started from scratch, upgrading all the way. PalmOS 3.50, Palm Desktop 4.0, Eudora 5.1, HackMaster v09, MiddleCaps Hack, PadLock Hack, Select Hack, Big Clock, Space Invaders, Pocket Chess and best of all Showtimes. Man do I love having a clean palm in my palm.

Billy Gates gets honest to a group of high school students. While his 11 rules smacks of a Chris Rock spiel I gotta homage the guy for leaving his politically correct promotional machine even if only to garner some press buzz.

A friend recently forwarded me this article about southwestern bell getting sued by some group in Texas, asserting they have delivered 0 of the umpteen things advertised in their DSL package. You'll have to scrape my dumbfounded ass off of the floor, because I've only been waiting for them to show up at my place since Feb 28th, 2000. It's remarkable that someone could possibly find a chink in their suit of capability.

If you are one of the minions considering using them as your high speed internet provider, consider the following unadvertised feature list:
   6 month installation turnaround
   2 counts of lost customer record
   9 non-callbacks
   3 no-shows to my house
    5 failures to complete requested task (i.e. closing account)
And, all this before they even get the product into your home.

Now in their defense, if you're going to screw something up, you might as well do it big, Texas big in this case.