yesterday was a wicked long day (on the tail end of a wicked long ten days). and then in the evening, marty had a meeting which put me in the barrel getting all three kids down. i read to alex and anfer and then hung out with anfer while he went to sleep. before moving in with alex i stopped in the bathroom. when i opened the door to exit, there was a piece of paper on the floor. it is shown below. if you subscribe to the bucket system (a paradigm that likens your emotional needs (e.g. esteem, energy) to buckets that can be filled and emptied by various actions), this modest token penned from a child's emotion is the equivalent of having a dump truck's worth of water deluged atop a small, tattered bucket. i post it here so down-the-road on another low-level day i can come back and ladle some of its pooled goodness into my wanting bucket.
so this week of occupied marty has given us a pretty realistic taste of what our life may look like after marty goes back to work. my only salvation rests in the hope that the real change will come with a little better notice so we can plan and prepare a touch better. my residual fear is that it is hard to prepare for a constant state of unbalanced back-peddling.
and the below image is in no way intended as a guilt-inducing tactic. it simply stands as my favorite visual that captured the sense of the week. we all, including marty, wanted to lean on a similar defense this week (in case you're not seeing it, spy bella's note to her teacher above the grade).
marty and i have finally begun (begun!) working on a will. when we told the kids they would be spending the morning with their grandma nat, bella asked what we were doing. we told her. the rest of the morning she was asking me if she could have certain things, like my ipod and computer. i told her not to worry and that i was leaving her my wardrobe, every last stitch of it, or all 32 articles of it. she screwed her face up and told me she was being serious, and then after a pause she added, $25 dollars to her list, as if it were a penalty for my being flip.
days later i came upon this document on the cluttered breakfast room table. it read:
I give my room to anthony and alexander
I give all my money distriubutly through the family
I give all my LPS's to Julia Nelson (ed. LPS = little pet shops)
I give all my organs and body to Red Cross for whatever needs
I give all my accerios distubulty through to Red Cross
I donate my hair (shave my head) to Locks of Love
so what if my daughter's will looks a bit more humanistic than mine. locks of love would never take my hair. is that somehow my fault? and i still stand by my argument that organ donation could be a rookie move as we don't know what we may or may not need in subsequent realms. although, now that we've had to put pen to paper, marty did get me to soften my request to be cryogenically preserved, a position that until this point i've stood resolute in, even though it compromised our children's college funds. when discussing such things, one can get a bit tunnel-visioned.
not sure if the self-portrait and the drawing of a "mopheaded" aleo were meant to be part of the document or just there incidentally. and last i checked, it isn't cruel to call someone mop-headed if they are mopheaded.
the school bella has gone to since kindergarten just closed after its 98th year of operation. it is the oldest and possibly most storied school in the district. a number of things led to the changes our public school district is going through but things have sadly gotten to the point that the administration is stuck making decisions that aren't always done because it's the best or right option, but because it is the only option left. i was at the school when it let out for the last time. i was there picking bella up for her special end-of-year day out. there was lots of tears and hugs on the playground in what would stand as this building's last education-related act (it was very hard all year to not play the "this is the last time ..." game at every bend and turn). after saying our goodbyes bella and i stole away to begin our ritual-celebration of her completing another year of school.
later in the day while eating at a restaurant, bella slid her notebook across the table and said, do you want to read my story about delmar-harvard. this is what i read (transcribed further down the page)
Watching from the back of the window I watch Delmar-Harvard get smaller and smaller. This was my last day running up its pavements, worrying of being late, my last time raising my hand in those oh-so memorable desks, my last time feeling that proudness swelling up inside me when someone asks "what school do you go to." and why I'm proud is because that was my home away from home, those teachers my relatives, those room my rooms, and last that school myself!
As I melancholy walked outside I saw all around me all my teachers/family and siblings/students hugging with tears in their eyes, I saw part of myself being left behind.
But I know that I would only build that part back, that arm or leg, then lose it, just to rebuild a newer version, because that rotation is called life.
if i held it together on the playground, i surely almost didn't after reading my ten year old daughter's first reaction to the event. and i'm doubly impressed that she caught the emotions of the moment as it was unfolding. i'm crazy jealous of her work.
and i am to blame for her use of the word melancholy. she had asked me about the word and i gave her bum feedback for what she was looking for.
the pipe-fitters of america have a pony-tailed apprentice in training
there was this water table that had water bubbling up at four points. the object was to use these pipes and connectors to divert the water from their sources to other parts of the table. bella got the thought to lead two water sources to each other to see what would happen. she quickly discovered how hard it is to get two tubes, both of which were dispelling water to connect. people around her proved to be quite annoyed or tickled by her efforts. i couldn't help but be fascinated by her persistence to stymy the contraption as the first drop to hit my skin or clothes would have ended my curiosity. so i did what any grown man would have done - stood at a safe distance and took pictures of the animated struggle.
it's the kind of present a young person would groan at. not sure how much that changes for a forty year old.
for marty's 40th birthday, the kids and i gave her a framed picture collage titled 40 things we love about you. in a couple of the panes we put lists citing ten things each of us appreciated about marty. the left-over panes were peppered with pictures of the kids and i.
the lists were crafted during my wednesday lunches with the kids (i eat lunch with one of my kids each wednesday in a rotating fashion). for these lunches i pick them up from school and we walk to a nearby restaurant of their choosing. it was during these lunches that i coaxed and cajoled these points from their minds onto a napkin. it is possible the process of collecting the points from them could be as curious as the results themselves.
a key that may help you. nummies are nursing breast and biscuits are butts.
10 things Anthony loves about you
nummies!
when you give me shoulder rides.
you smell good when you put that stuff in your armpits.
when you comb my hair.
when you give me backscratches!
you eatin' with me.
going to playgrounds with you.
asking you if i can jump on beds.
helping you make food.
you playing checker games with me.
10 things Alexander loves about you
you cuddle us.
you give us computer time.
you bring us to places to eat.
you make us dinner.
you read to us.
you make me lunch everyday.
you take us camping.
you go hiking with us.
you wipe our biscuits.
you help make science experiments.
10 things Bella loves about you
you are patient.
you help me get my schoolwork done.
you take care of our family.
you are always honest.
you can pretty much read minds.
you always try your best.
you cuddle and talk with me every night at bedtime.
you always pay attention to our opinions.
you try to make our dreams come true.
you are my one and only mom.
10 things Troy loves about you
that you said yes.
the curl of your upper lip.
your natural charisma.
that you do not shy away from any challenge or trial.
that your are the most conscientious mother humanly possible.
that you could take me in a fight.
your laugh.
that you are still as naturally beautiful as the moment i fell in love with you.
that you routinely pause the whirl of your life to tell me you love and appreciate me.
that i am the one that gets to plan another forty years with you.
oh, and just so she didn't feel totally ripped off, she also got a pink tech 3 pen, my all-time favorite pen thus far, as every person over forty should own a proper writing instrument. here's where you can get one for yourself. and here's one of the more curious pen reviews you'll possibly ever read.
i was at a small dinner party of a friend almost ten years ago. while there an older lady struck up a conversation with me. she had a thick accent which she told me was bosnian. she asked what i did for a living and i told her i was in technology, web-technologies specifically. to this she lit up, put a hand on my arm, and asked if i would talk to her son, zavisa, who was in school studying graphic design and had interest in "this web stuff". being part of a burgeoning industry such requests were frequent so i easily said sure, of course i would talk to her boy, knowing that serious inquiries rarely followed, especially ones that began with a mother's nudge.
this was not to be the case here. a few days later i received a message from the lady's boy, zavisa, or zavi to be kind to ethnocentric, american mouths. the message was quite long by today's hurried, email standards. in it he explained his studies and interests. he forwarded me a number of websites he had done for friends and university organizations and asked my opinion about his work. given the effort he put into this message, i replied in kind, reviewing his sites, making notes where i thought things could be improved, and commenting on his work's general strengths and weaknesses. when i hit reply i figured he would deem this mine empty and move on. again, this was not to be the case. he replied with another long email asking for clarification on some points, questioning others and with this our exchanges continued for several rounds. in time he gave me a profuse thank you and that was that.
more than five years later i bumped into zavisa through a co-worker. zavi was doing well in life and work as his earlier, voracious emails would imply such a mind would. he's gone on to become an everyman judge and represents one of my most thorough and eager eyes. at last year's everyman party he and his girlfriend arrived late, coming through the door as marty and i were saying goodbye to what we thought was our last guest. zavi, his girlfriend laura, and i sat by the fire and chatted, catching up. he expressed dissatisfaction in his job. i'm going to blame my severe fatigue at the moment but i fear i came on strong in my response. i all but chastised him for staying at a job he was unhappy in. i listed his many skills, his many gifts and said it was crazy that someone as talented as him do anything he doesn't want to. i even pulled out the dreaded "if i had your skills when i was your age, what i could have done" bit, which in some regards is valid but in so many more is not. again, i was deathly tired. his response was that the market sucked and no one was hiring. to this i said i never knew a passion that waited for a market. passion is passion and if you have it you just do it whether you're paid or given benefits or not. when he left i felt poorly about the conversation. i like and respect zavisa and felt that i was overly heavy-handed with him at what should have been a simple and relaxing social encounter.
a few months later i received an invitation to zavi's thirtieth birthday party. these days i go out a handful of times a year, but he's always been supportive and helpful to me so i decided to turn in one of my few kitchen passes with marty to go to the saturday night event. when i arrived the apartment was filled with people all more than ten years younger than myself that i didn't know. i made my way through the shotgun layout to find zavi and laura churning out custom pizzas for their guests (it was a make your own pizza party). i chitted and chatted with folks practicing my cold conversation skills and then got to catch up with zavi in the back. remembering something he lit up and said he had a cool thing to tell me. it was this. laura was out of town at a conference and he was left alone for the weekend. a friend had asked him for a bread recipe. when he went about getting it together, he had a notion of doing something a little different than just boringly typing out the steps and sending an email and instead spent a few hours of his solo-weekend afternoon making a graphical version of the recipe (shown below). when it was done he posted it to his facebook page. shortly after that it was picked up by reddit. and shortly after that he was contacted by two men asking if he wanted to collaborate on a project with them. when he asked more about the two men he came to learn one of them was an internet pioneer who created a recent-ish technology anyone reading this page uses and benefits from daily.
i'm surely not going to imply that my passion talk in december had anything to do with this success (believe me, i wish i could take credit for zavi's body of work) but this is definitely what my passion-talk was about. kudos zavi for this success and the others that are sure to follow in its wake. beautiful and inspiring stuff.
after my mom died, i found the below card among her things. i don't remember how old i was when i wrote it. more truthfully, i don't even remember writing it. that said, i can tell you that seeing i wrote it, and that she kept it, has spared me untold agonies. i would suggest, if you have things to say you haven't said to people you deem dear, get them said. and after you do that, keep doing it. because even though i felt infinite relief at this discovery, i still carry the regret that i needed it to remind me i said it in the first place.
dear mom,
i hope this got to you in time, sorry if it didn't. i hope you are having a good day (or had). lately i have been hearing a lot about adoption and i hear girls talk of insecurities they would have in adopting children. they think that the kids would want to find their biological mom. and i hear adopted kids say they want to find their mom. i hope you don't have any such insecurities regarding me, because i assure you, you don't need to. to me i have only one mother and she it the greatest mother in the world. i love you very much and feel very fortunate to have been blessed with you. thank you for everything and never forget that i love you very much. thank you for everything mom - i love you.
i've now had to borrow money twice from my kids. both times it was alex. once it was to give a holiday tip to my haircut person. and another time it was so i could buy the spicy beef noodle soup i eat for lunch every saturday. i would have asked bella for it but she just depleted her account to buy an ipod (partially aided by a $50 gift certificate i gave her for christmas).
i initially intended to get her a apple gift certificate but when i went to the store the week before christmas, in addition to it being a madhouse, it was also completely bereft of gift certificates (buy stock!). the pert girl pulled a ipad voucher from a rack and said it could be used as a regular apple gift certificate. i took the oversized card from her. upon opening it up the first thing you read is, "congratulations! you are now the proud owner of an ipad!". after reading the words i looked back to the girl with eyes that said, "really?". she assured me it would work the same. i agreed, minus the part where my nine year old shrilly screams "an ipad! holy shit dad you rawk! thanks! you're awesome!" to which i get to explain on christmas morning that it's not really an iPad but a fifty dollar credit for the ipod nano she's been saving for which she would have thought pretty awesome until she thought four seconds earlier that she was getting in iPad. the still-smiling apple girl held to her "works the same guns" with the holiday turmoil roiling behind her. i handed the ipad voucher back, thanked her for the trouble and left the store. then, on christmas eve, i was afforded an adolescent moment of hand-making something to give at christmas. now that it's done, apple running out of their shiny and metallic gift cards was one of the brighter points of my 2010 christmas.
the only thing more satisfying than crafting the homemade card for bella was seeing the homemade cards bella crafted me for christmas. 1 to 10 hours!!! huzzah!
FRONT (transcribed)
(on back instructions)
Free Back Scratch or Head Scratch
To: Dad
From: Bella
1 to 10 hours of full back scratch or head scratch
(as long as Bella can have a book or movie)
Price: 0.00
Real Price : "Thank You!"
BACK (transcribed)
1. give Bellacard to Bella
2. choose from a back scratch or head scratch while (bella is) watching a movie or reading a book
3. feel the "magic" work
4. Thank Bella!
All Done
(also you can buy these BellaCards by the packs of 20 for only $1)
this is going to make swimming the mile in three years look trivial.
for any of you who have deemed my current year's goal of knitting as less substantial or impressive than last year's goal of swimming a mile, i wanted to share a bit more about the endeavor. this time i have a teacher. this is unusual for my yearly adventures as i usually take them on alone. but a few things made me realize i would be better off with a mentor for this one.
in my first lesson i learned how to (1) cast on, (2) knit, and (3) cast off. my teacher would be proud to see me using proper terminology as she was quite non-plussed when i would say things like, "will you start my thing" or "look, i'm sewin' a coaster" or "can you do the endy thing for me". my love of repetitive, tactile routines like this made me a quick study. when i confessed to having mastered the first three elements, i received lesson two (below). i'm wondering if i should have picked something a more accessible like ascending everest or giving birth.
OK, here's another practice exercise:
Cast on 26 stitches
Row 1: (K2, p2) across to last two stitches, k2. This is a four-stitch repeat, because the bit inside the parentheses (which serve to indicate the pattern repeat) is 4 stitches wide - two knits, and two purls. So you'll just do that over and over - k2, p2, k2, p2, and so on, until you have two stitches left on your left needle. Knit those two stitches.
Row 2: (p2, k2) across to last two stitches, p2. This row is the opposite of Row 1. See what's happening? You're building narrow columns of stockinette stitches, two stitches wide. So your knits will always be stacked on your knits, and your purls will always be stacked on your purls. The fabric at this point is also, actually, reversible. Both sides look equally good, because the backside of the purls on Row 1 is a pretty column of knits, and the backside of the purls on row 2 does the same thing!
Repeat Row 1 and Row 2 for several more rows, or until you think you have the hang of it. You'll always be able to tell if you're on a Row 1 or a Row 2 based on what the first stitch should be - if you start the row looking at a purl, you're on a Row 2 (since it begins with p2). If you start the row looking at a knit, you're on a Row 1. Also - as an aside - this is called "reading" your knitting. And if you're a really proficient knitter, then you'll be able to read your lace or cables, find a mistake six rows down, ladder down to fix it, pick up the stitches in order, and no one will be any wiser. Or if you're me, you'll read your lace, find the mistake, throw the damned shawl across the room and cast on for a pair of socks instead.
A ribbing at its most basic level can be made from any alternating number of knits and purls - the cuff of your sweater, for example, is something like k1, p6 (viewed from the outside - "right" side), or p1, k6 (viewed from the inside - "wrong" - side). Most ribbings are described in shorthand as "__ by __" or "__ x __". For example, I often use 3x1 on sock cuffs. Any knitter will know what that means - k3, p1. And later there's twisted rib, and mistake rib (actually a deliberate technique), and lace rib and cabled rib, and even faux ribbing. But we won't worry about those for now :-)
Anyway, after you're tired of doing ribbing, you'll want to switch and do stockinette for a few more rows to help transition for your decreases. To make this switch, start after you've finished a Row 2 of ribbing (so that when you start the next row, you're looking at a Row 1 section). Instead of knitting and purling, you'll just knit all the stitches. Then on the next row, purl all the stitches. And so on and so forth, for another inch or two.
Now we're ready to learn how to do decreases. At their most basic level, there are two types of single decreases ("single decreases" are any decreases where you turn two stitches into one): left-leaning (the SSK), and right-leaning (the k2tog). Think of them as slash marks on the keyboard: one type of decrease will make your stitch look like this: / and the other type will make it look like this: \ . There are also many ways to do these decreases - I'm just going to show you one way of each - the most common way.
This decrease: / is done by making a "knit two together" (and is abbreviated as "k2tog"). It's just what it sounds like - when you're ready to make the decrease, instead of knitting 1 stitch, you will actually grab the next TWO stitches on your left needle, and knit them both as though they were just one. Once you've finished the stitch, those TWO that were on your left needle will become ONE on your right.
This decrease: \ is done by making a "slip slip knit" (and is abbreviated as "ssk"). This is a bit more complicated. What you will do is slip one stitch "knitwise" (poke your right needle in as though you were going to knit the stitch, but instead of knitting it you just slide it over to the right needle), then do the same thing to the next stitch - slip it "knitwise" as well - do this to each stitch one at a time, not both at the same time! Once both stitches are on your right needle, then you'll poke the tip of your left needle into those stitches, and knit them together. This has the same - but also the opposite - effect of the "knit two together": you're turning two stitches into one, but in this case you will notice that instead of looking as though the finished stitch is leaning toward the right, now your stitch appears to lean to the left. This is important in achieving symmetry in shaping! (for example, the neckline of a sweater will have SSK's on the right side and K2tog's on the left, so that the columns of decreases lean becomingly away from each other, rather than haphazardly all the same direction.
OK, so here's what you should do, beginning on a right side row:
K3, ssk, K16, k2tog, K3
Now you should have 24 stitches on your needle, since you DECREASED two of them. Right? Yes.
Purl the next row as normal - decreases are generally (though not always) only done on right-side rows.
Next row:K4, ssk, K12 , k2tog, K4 (You should have 22 stitches now)
Purl the next row
Next row: K5, ssk, K8, k2tog, K5 (You should have 20 stitches now)
See what's happening? Your decreases are becoming visible on the right side (knit side) of your fabric, and they're starting to make a little pyramid shape! Like this:
/ \
/ \
/ \
This is the same basic concept of how we will decrease stitches to shape the crown of your hat.
Carry on in this manner until you only have a few stitches left on your needle, and your pyramid is almost at its point - then I'll show you a double decrease :-)
get ready to tap a foot, drum a finger and hum a song all day.
in the crazed event you haven't been keeping up with pomplamoose, they have new stuff to enjoy (videos below).
and believe it or not i can appreciate more than the completely hypnotic nataly.
in fact, i use jack as an example in a class i teach of the good sorts of things that can happen when you live your life through your passions. he is every bit as inspirational to me as any high-brow, often touted personality.
i came home from work yesterday and asked if the kids wanted to go hit tennis balls. bella had a friend over so declined. anthony only likes hitting things that are not tennis balls with the racket so he was out. alex was at a friend's house but due to come home. i called over and asked if i picked him up if he'd like to hit tennis balls. he said yes so i picked him up and we headed to the courts. on the way there he said he forgot something at the house and we had to go back. almost to the courts, i said we'd stop on the way home.
then we played tennis, which means i fed him balls while i stood at the net and he hit them back. i initially got the kids interested in hitting balls by saying the object of the game was for them to try to hit me. when i reminded alex of this yesterday he said we couldn't play that game. when i asked why he said because if he hit me, he would break my glasses and i would be mad. i like this kid quite a bit. so i fed him balls and he returned them not hitting me once.
then i said we had to wrap up and head home because dinner would be ready soon. he reminded me about stopping at his friend's house. i said i didn't think we'd have time and would have to get them later. he stopped and scolded me, firmly reminding me that i said we would go and i can never break a promise. never! i paused, looked at him and said, ok, but he'd have to be quick because we were late for dinner. and, i told him i wasn't even fully stopping the car. on the way to the house, i asked him what he forgot and he said his ds lites. since alex doesn't own a ds, lite or otherwise, i figured i misheard him but didn't bother asking him to clarify. when we got to the house, alex jumped out, ran in and came running back with a sheaf of papers in hand. when he returned to his seat, i asked what he had. he said his ds lites. upon inspecting the pages, he and his friend had drawn games on the pages as if they had ds lites. all i got to say is nintendo ain't got nothing on hangin' out at a bud's house after school, with a well-worn set of crayons spread between you at the kitchen table while you try to best each other's hand drawn games in the pre-dinnertime hours.
although the scene laid out in the below image looks eerily similar to the climax of the gimp escapade from pulp fiction, and i'm not entirely sure how i should feel about that.
a 2009 father's day card i found in my desk that somehow didn't get posted here yet. it was made by my daughter, to me, her father, who was adopted, which, as noted, was sad and good.
i believe all people get dealt one natural gift and one demon. the natural gift is something they can do better than 99% of people without even trying. the demon is some non-positive trait they will struggle with even when exerting great will against the vice. through these i believe one's satisfaction, success, and fulfillment in life comes from one's ability to (1) identify and leverage their gift and (2) tame and control their demon.
while in some regards it's too early to tell for sure, but if i were pressed to guess bella's natural gift, i'd say it is in someway leadership-related. i point to this because of bella's ability to orchestrate, motivate, and move individuals and groups of people, both young and old. i offer the following three examples in support:
bella's grandest demonstration of making things happen occurred two years ago when she put together a stage production of flipper in our front yard using kids from the neighborhood. there was a script, there were rehearsals, as well as (kinda) auditions. adults were summoned and lined up on the sidewalk to watch the drama. some brought lawn chairs to sit in while others leaned against trees. the staging area was in our foyer and mostly involved bella encouraging (and at times threatening) the actors to go out and do their best. it was about a twenty minute affair and i believe that no more than two of the performers cried from the pressure.
bella's most productive example of leadership can be seen in her impromptu selling stands which take advantage of a high traffic footpath near our home. if bella, or her friends or her siblings ever identify something they need money for, bella will have a selling stand in place within the hour. these stands have sold drinks, cookies, books, artwork and toys. bella is currently working on her most ambitious selling stand yet which involves knitting hats and scarves on her own and through knitting parties she plans to organize at our house in the summer months. she is building a stock so on the first snow day next winter she'll put up a stand and sell hand-knitted hats and scarves (and hot-chocolate i'm sure) to the underdressed college kids walking to and from class. she plans to use the money to buy animals for impoverished countries via the heifer fund and such. (ed note: if you don't know or are wondering, bella turned nine last month.)
and lastly, where you will see bella most often ply her powers of persuasion is getting her siblings, neighbors, and classmates to play a game where they (they, not bella) act like dogs. panting, scratching, licking, pawing, thankfully not urinating dogs. bella plays the role of the owner. everyone else plays the role of dog. whenever i see this game happening i completely marvel at how fully these children, these human, willful children give themselves over to this charade. it has now happened with such frequency that its specialness has even been moderately lost on bella. there are times when she appears to tire of the game and will go into another room to start doing something else. these temporary canines will awkwardly trail her, still in character and nudge her leg with their bowed head for notice and attention. bella absentmindedly pats their mane or coos at them for a moment before returning to her other more interesting distraction as if this child-dog has been in our home for years. given her proclivity and skill to make people act like domesticated curs, i predict that as an adult bella will either be a new york city dominatrix or a fortune 500 CEO. truth told, of those two i'm torn on which i prefer because it sure would be nice to have family in NYC.
as for bella's demon, i'd say it's too soon to call. obviously, marty and i still have plenty of years to mar and traumatize the child so the air is rife with possibility.
bella turned nine last saturday and had her first party where the invitation did not read, "please do not bring a present". after last year's party, bella respectfully asked marty if we could remove that line from next year's invite. and so it happened.
when it came time to open presents, a big huddle gathered around bella and kids were shoving presents at her with shouts of open mine next and this one's from me and mine's the one with the fancy paper. one after another bella opened the presents and squealed and shrieked with delight at each turn. just looking at her reaction you would think that (a) each parcel contained a boxful of puppies or that (b) bella leads a terribly deprived life and never receives presents (although this was for sure her most decadent day ever).
i sat in a corner of the room and took in bella's wonderfully animated reaction to each gift. truth told, the gifts she was getting were both (a) right up her alley showing bella's friends know her well and (b) pretty dang cool toys. about midway through the production, i saw one of the boy partygoers stepping away from the group and looking dejected. before i could approach him, another mother went to him knelt down to talk with him. when they were done i went to this mother and asked her if everything was ok. she said that the boy was afraid that bella wasn't going to like his present and he was embarrassed. concerned and thinking out loud i said i should try to get to bella to tell her to make sure to treat everyone equally but didn't know how i could do this without making it obvious given the gaggle of children crowding her on the couch. the mother, a good friend of marty's and a big fan of bella's put her hand on my arm, smiled and said it would be ok and that i didn't have to worry and bella would handle it just fine. i looked at this woman and her quiet confidence in my daughter encouraged me to sit back.
i re-took my seat and waited. when this boy's present was finally put before bella she began extracting the card, peeling it open like charlie bucket would a wonka bar. in it was a hand-drawn card the boy made. the picture depicted a horse race which showed a horse and rider about to cross the finish line. written above this horse was YOU - 1ST and then behind this rider was writing pointing to a horse off the page which said ME - 2ND. after bella took in this card you would have thought she had gotten two boxes of puppies. she looked at the boy and gave a shrill cry of happiness and said that she could tell he knew how much she loved horses. he looked down at his fidgeting feet, a small bashful smile covering his face. scarring moment averted.
later in the day, after the guests had gone home, bella and i were walking through our neighborhood. i asked her about that moment and what happened. she said that she saw that he, the boy, looked sad and she thought it might have something to do with his gift so she made sure he knew she appreciated whatever he brought.
not a bad start to nine. i'm just a little dismayed, a friend of the family knew bella would pull it off before i did.
if you came by early yesterday you may have not seen the day's post. i made a mistake entering the date and it didn't show up until later in the morning. so if you missed it, you may want to read yesterday's valentines post before reading this one.
regarding yesterday's post, more than one person wondered what marty's card looked like. and more than one person wondered if there was a reason i didn't share hers and was it because it was better than mine or that it was way NOT better than mine or that i'm self-centered or pouty or selfish or i want all the attention to myself and the answer is, yes.
and for those who thought that the thoughtfulness and sentiment contained in my card couldn't be beaten, prepare to stand corrected.
sunday morning i was brought from sleep at 7:15 with a kiss on my forehead and the words "happy valentines day dad." it was bella. she then whispered, as to not wake up alex who was sleeping next to me, that my breakfast was sitting on the windowsill next to me for when i woke up "for real". she then quietly exited the room. some minutes later i cracked my eyes and lifted my head to peer at the window she referenced. on it rested a tupperware platter with two pieces of freshly made french toast, a puddle of syrup, and a glass of sweet tea with hand-crushed ice.
marty who was sleeping with anthony in our bed down the hall received a similar treatment. on each of our trays was a highly detailed, bella-drawn card. on this valentines day my eight year old daughter woke up before 7am, went downstairs by herself and silently made her mother and father french toast, from scratch, and adorned the platters with hand-drawn cards she secretly made earlier in the week.
there have been multiple occasions bella has left me speechless, but never more so than with this completely unexpected and unforeseen gesture of love and kindness. at multiple points throughout the day, i found myself staring at her, in wonder and curiosity and gratitude. at times like this marty calls her a paradox. i don't know that i ever could justly verbalize my thoughts on bella and the way she approaches life. i just know i'm thankful to have the front row seat that i do to watch her wend her way through it.
you better find something to do or i'll find something for ya!
in case you're in a pinch for something good to do, i thought i'd share bella's LIST OF THINGS TO DO. that #1 wasn't to "make a list of things to do" was a little disappointing to me but she more than made up for it in the long run.
28 and 23 would be my first two picks were i pushed to select.
