i took anthony to his first concert last week. it was a live show by a you-tuber anthony follows, a young man named jack septiceye. i didn't know what i was getting into but anthony (11) kept asking me if i looked into tickets AND the show was within walking distance of our house so after a third ask, i got us a few tickets.

the presentation out-performed whatever meager expectations i might have had. on one hand, it was all a bit ham-fisted but on the other hand, this 27 year old kid was surely handling his business in a much more impressive manner than i did at 27 AND had a standing-room only crowd frothing at his every word so who am i to judge. in short, it involved some humorous storytelling. that is not super remarkable i guess. a part i found curious was that the spirit of the stories meant to move and motivate the audience. again, it was a bit fumbly but i applaud the young man's ambition and attempt to help some folks out.

one common thread throughout his stories was there was a lot of drinking going on. he was from ireland and there seemed to be no lack of imbibing. the next night marty and i were at a party and i met a guy about my age who seemed very irish so i asked him if there is really as much drinking in the irish culture as is portrayed. he said, "i'm not sure but can tell you that when i was growing up, my dad replaced our kitchen sink's spray nozzle with a beer tap."

marty and i went out on a date night. this might be the second one of these we've been on in the last five years. i took her to a new eatery i recently discovered and then we went to see kathleen madigan at one of our cities swankier venues (the peabody). after the show marty and i remained in our chairs as the other patrons streamed out. they seemed as intrigued by us keeping our seats as we were with their immediate need to vacate the premises (and willingness to fight the throngs of people). as we watched the parade before us, marty commented at the age of the crowd in they seemed a lot older than we expected. as we did our accounting marty leaned in adding, "or maybe we look like them and are old too". huh? what? when exactly did that happen?

and, it seems we are not alone in experiencing this odd phenemenon.

we were at a theatrical production of les miserables in salt lake city. our family sat in the last row of the hale's intimate circular auditorium. this would be my third show at the hale and my family's second. during one particular scene, the necessary prop was lowered from the ceiling. it stood in the center of the round stage as one of the most scant arrangements used through the night containing only a metal gate supported on either side by two stone pillars. in the scene two star-struck lovers stood on either side of the locked gate longing for one another through their drippy sentiments exchanged between the gate's bars. in the middle of the heated scene my seven year old leaned into me for the following whispered conversation:

ANTHONY
dad.

TROY
yes.

ANTHONY
why are they talking through the gate?

TROY
because she is locked in her house and he is on the street.

ANTHONY
but why doesn't he just walk around?

TROY
(muffled laughter)

ANTHONY
i mean, can't they see the fence doesn't go very far and they could just walk around that stone part?

TROY
well, because ...

ANTHONY
then they wouldn't have to talk through those bars.

later in the show when they brought out a grown up and highly decorated Cossette, anthony quietly asked why little bo peep was in the show. this one caused laughter by a small circle of seats surrounding him.

so, if you ever want to make a high-brow show more entertaining, i reckon for the right price (some sweets from the intermission stand) you could have anthony accompany you and ask the questions that need to be asked.

i believe all people get dealt one natural gift and one demon. the natural gift is something they can do better than 99% of people without even trying. the demon is some non-positive trait they will struggle with even when exerting great will against the vice. through these i believe one's satisfaction, success, and fulfillment in life comes from one's ability to (1) identify and leverage their gift and (2) tame and control their demon.

while in some regards it's too early to tell for sure, but if i were pressed to guess bella's natural gift, i'd say it is in someway leadership-related. i point to this because of bella's ability to orchestrate, motivate, and move individuals and groups of people, both young and old. i offer the following three examples in support:

bella's grandest demonstration of making things happen occurred two years ago when she put together a stage production of flipper in our front yard using kids from the neighborhood. there was a script, there were rehearsals, as well as (kinda) auditions. adults were summoned and lined up on the sidewalk to watch the drama. some brought lawn chairs to sit in while others leaned against trees. the staging area was in our foyer and mostly involved bella encouraging (and at times threatening) the actors to go out and do their best. it was about a twenty minute affair and i believe that no more than two of the performers cried from the pressure.

bella's most productive example of leadership can be seen in her impromptu selling stands which take advantage of a high traffic footpath near our home. if bella, or her friends or her siblings ever identify something they need money for, bella will have a selling stand in place within the hour. these stands have sold drinks, cookies, books, artwork and toys. bella is currently working on her most ambitious selling stand yet which involves knitting hats and scarves on her own and through knitting parties she plans to organize at our house in the summer months. she is building a stock so on the first snow day next winter she'll put up a stand and sell hand-knitted hats and scarves (and hot-chocolate i'm sure) to the underdressed college kids walking to and from class. she plans to use the money to buy animals for impoverished countries via the heifer fund and such. (ed note: if you don't know or are wondering, bella turned nine last month.)

and lastly, where you will see bella most often ply her powers of persuasion is getting her siblings, neighbors, and classmates to play a game where they (they, not bella) act like dogs. panting, scratching, licking, pawing, thankfully not urinating dogs. bella plays the role of the owner. everyone else plays the role of dog. whenever i see this game happening i completely marvel at how fully these children, these human, willful children give themselves over to this charade. it has now happened with such frequency that its specialness has even been moderately lost on bella. there are times when she appears to tire of the game and will go into another room to start doing something else. these temporary canines will awkwardly trail her, still in character and nudge her leg with their bowed head for notice and attention. bella absentmindedly pats their mane or coos at them for a moment before returning to her other more interesting distraction as if this child-dog has been in our home for years. given her proclivity and skill to make people act like domesticated curs, i predict that as an adult bella will either be a new york city dominatrix or a fortune 500 CEO. truth told, of those two i'm torn on which i prefer because it sure would be nice to have family in NYC.

as for bella's demon, i'd say it's too soon to call. obviously, marty and i still have plenty of years to mar and traumatize the child so the air is rife with possibility.

on sunday marty and i took bella and alex to the symphony thanks to some tickets gifted to us by friends. the show was part of a special series geared towards kids. the performance is an hour long and includes several well-recognized excerpts from popular classics. before playing the pieces the conductor would turn to the audience and point out and explain a technique or two that could be heard in the next song sometimes going as far as having the musician(s) demonstrate what he was talking about so it could be better identified in the piece.

at one point i turned to to look at the profiles of bella and alex. seeing their faces lit by the stage and their eyes wide with interest and intrigue at this new life experience warmed my parental fire. my arm was already around alex but i reached over further and placed my hand on bella's arm. she looked at me and i smiled at her. she reached up and took my hand in hers and held it in her lap, both of our gazes returning to the show. after a few moments she removed her hand from mine, pushed my fingers closed and nudged my hand away. i brought it back to where it was previously resting in alex's seat. after a moment i sensed something in my hand. i opened my fist to find bella had pressed her used gum into my palm before closing my fingers around it and sending me on my way. when i looked at her she was still watching the show but had a coy and knowing smile across her face.

hours later i'm still conflicted about how i feel that this tacky ball of chewed juicy fruit will be the symbol i remember from my first attempt to expose my children to the arts. that said, i am thankful (and fortunate) she didn't place a scorpion or human eyeball in my palm.

for any ira fans, he's coming to town. i'll see you there.

this is the note i sent to my boss first thing monday morning:

i forgot to get a commitment i have on the calendar and wanted to give you a heads up that i will be out tomorrow.

i am attending a shakespeare performance at a womens' prison in northern missouri.

he didn't believe me.



anyone reading this site, knows i'm not nearly creative enough to make that up. he obviously has a higher opinion of me.

and speaking of creativity, before even getting on the bus to drive to the prison, i was preparing a few troy-esque quips to describe the experience. now that i've signed the book, emptied my pockets, walked through the checkpoints and took my seat in the windowless, cinder-blocked room, those witticisms seem neither appropriate nor humorous. especially since i shed more tears during the spoken word readings than i did in all of 2005.

i thank darkman for affording me this unique experience. i also commend darkman for being the first person i've ever seen use a cellphone without loud-talking into the receiver. i didn't think it was possible, for real i didn't.

these days, as we all know, i live in saint louis, which in the month of august means i live on the face of the sun. in saint louis, we have an outdoor theatre called the muny. Thin When Tan Girl and her man treated marty and i to West Side Story last night. at the show's intermission when the lights came up i looked around and thought to myself how stinking uncomfortably hot all these people looked. when i turned to my theater-mates, they looked quite startled and exclaimed 'wow. troy. you look ... awfully ... shiny.'

is it my fault i have rich, moist skin?

speaking of rich, moist skin, West Side Story is my all-time favorite musical. it holds this esteemed position for two reasons. firstly, one of the two mormon girls i was hopelessly in love with in high school played a pivotal part in my school's senior year production of it. and secondly, this same girl would sing the musical's songs to me after school when we drove around in her family's car that smelled like vomit. (this mixture of sensory input caused a real schism in some of my brain's memory pathways later in life. fortunately for me, i have rich, moist skin so i'm not expected to be all that together, mentally at least.)

well, if you consider the four prime tickets to the david sedaris reading this april that are tacked to the wall of wonder, i'd say i am. so we've established that i'm your buddy, but the more pressing matter is are you mine? do you deem yourself worthy of one of these golden tickets to what is sure to be a night of hilarious bliss.

it's time to separate the alphas from the betas and see who really, really, viscerally, wants to be the one, or three, on my arm come showtime.

now i know many of you would consider marty to be a logical candidate. i'd advise you to consider again because after somewhere between 11 and 15 years of comments like "what's your website address again" and "no, a little to the left, a lot really, just start going left and i'll tell you when to stop" or the daily ritual of getting struck about the head and told that i'm going to be late for work again if i don't get my odor-ridden ass moving, i assure you, her ticket is up for grabs, way up.

the new musical Mama Mia has one very significant thing going for it; it is not Cats. and even with this on their side, they were not dissuaded from abba-lutely blowing everyone in the forum out of their chairs by night's end. this show rawks! between the charged music, frenzied choreography and striking set this production is one of the most entertaining i've seen in some time. and as if the above points weren't enough, thin when tan girl had to hold her nose to prevent her patented nasal-snorting laughter from overtaking the auditorium ... and thus creating a twenty seat chasm between us and the next closest patron.

should mama mia wend its way through your hamlet, buy! buy! buy!

did you know that david lynch started making stage productions? did you know that he started using crystal meth, heroin and ecstasy while working? if you did not know these things and would like evidence, i suggest you catch cats.