Marty recounted a story from when she was twelve to Tony and I. She went to a lake house with a cousin of hers. While there she and her cousin, who was also a super-cute girl, ran into some boys also visiting the area. One of the boys became very interested in Marty. In the retelling of the story Marty said the boys first and last name, a name she has remembered all of these years given the awkwar...
Before the start of his senior year, Tony decided he was going to produce a weekly "zine" that would aim to present stories the more conventional channels were missing. If you've never heard of a zine, it is simply a non-commercial magazine that is often homemade. His interest here emanates from a few sentiments, but one is he doesn't feel the school-sanctioned outlets are encouraged to present a ...
Anthony starts his senior year of high school this week. For college, presently, it is looking like he might be attending Mizzou to study Journalism. Given this interest Marty, Anfer and I visited the school on their summer visit day. It was a fun day that began at day-break when we had to set out on the two hour drive to the school. We enjoyed seeing the campus and hearing the various schools and...
Marta declared it the best summer ever. It was a pretty good one. Noting a few of the highlights for our records.
Anfer
Tony attended something called Boys State. It is an eight day experience where a few kids from just about every high school in the state attend. During the week they establish a complete community and government system (I think). Attendees are recommended via teacher referrals so it was a pretty high-caliber collection of young people. Anthony had a lot of fun. What he did not have was a lot of sleep. His first day back, he dropped his bags in the foyer, walked to his bedroom, and slept for fourteen hours.
Aleo
Alex was invited to help teach at a weeklong summer program at his university. There were two students from his Film School recommended by faculty. The experience ended up being significantly more challenging than he, or anyone else, expected it to be. Marty and I were both stunned at some some of the situations he found himself in. We were equally surprised by the grace in which he responded to each of them. This poise under duress is an ability he has repeatedly demonstrated in his young life.
Baya
Bella is working on starting a non-profit (more on that later). While getting things organized, she has been doing a lot of social media work so when she's ready to open the doors, she has a ready group of people to invite inside. The other day, while shopping, someone yelled at her from across a store, “Hey! Yo! Kindness girl!”. She got recognized in the wild! AND she got called Kindness-Girl! It is hard to know which of those two milestones made her beam more.
Marta
Marty and I took our first trip together without kids since having kids. And it was kinda great. The only bad thing to come of it was when I called my best friend, Bookpimp, to ask if it was ok for Marty to join me on this year’s visit, he replied, “The question is if Marty’s coming, why would we need you?”. In our travels, in addition to doing a record amount of kayaking (in her origami kayak), she did a few new things, namely trail bike riding (through a Michigan forest on dirt pack) and taking up tennis (she has even gotten a coach).
Troy
I’ve been going tent-camping in Michigan every July for the last ten years. Every year, I seemingly go a bit longer. For the last few years, I’ve gone for a month. This year was supposed to be five weeks, but an unexpected Secret Cajun Band concert caused me to delay my departure. When in Michigan I do a good bit of reading, play a lot of tennis, bike a lot of miles, and paddleboard just about every day (that's where I get my baths). Next year I will be adding snorkeling and open water swimming to the list of activities. This year I concluded my Michigan Julys are the summer camps I never got as a kid. I’ve been going to this same place for so long, I now know more people there (other summertime regulars as well as locals) than I do in my home’s neighborhood.
Those are the tippy-top highlights from the Marty-branded best summer ever.
When I run into people I haven't seen in a bit, they universally ask the same question. That question is not, how are you? How is your business? How is your health? How is your life? The number one question I get is, "How are the kids?". While we're making numbered lists here, the number two question I get is, "How is Marty?". And since the moment I had kids or was married, this has been the case. Even my own mother would inquire about my family before asking about me, so please know I'm not judging anyone. Just another of my observations. The truth is I am in aggreement. I too find Marty and my children more interesting as well.
I say all of that to say that since it has been a minute since we chatted, let's just go ahead and get how the kids are doing business out of the way. By now, you all know I am every bit as boastful and gloating of my children as any father. So to enforce some brevity here, I will just pick one recent thing (and by recent, I'm talking about the last two weeks) to say about my kids.
Anfer/Anthony/Tony
Anfer was recently inducted into the National Honor Society (for the record, both Baya and Aleo also received this distinction). When this happens, the student is asked to select a teacher to present their NHS certificate to them at the recognition ceremony. Anthony chose his social studies teacher, who also serves as his wrestling coach. As the words reveal, this selection emanated not from the classroom but from a odor-rich gymnamsium.
Coach Lemay taught me if you're going to do something, anything, do it one hundred percent. Even if you're tired, or scared, or have absolutely no clue what you are doing, you don't hold back an ounce. This is without a doubt, the most important skill I have ever acquired.
When I first read this, I thought of something I've heard Marty express over the years. It typically surfaces after Bella shares some bit of wisdom she picked up in her travels. After sharing her insight and leaving the room, you will often find Marty muttering to herself, "Oh sure, I've been telling you that for seven years, but MARY (and the person's name is always elongated and exaggerated) says it, and now it is part of your life's gospel."
So after reading the Lemay-lovefest, I felt a tinge of that Marty-hurt. Then after giving it a bit more thought, I concluded the hardest thing I've ever asked Tony to do is mow our backyard with a manual-push mower that has a gimp wheel. Lemay tells Tony to walk onto a mat with a muscle-ridden, half-dressed opponent and engage in six minutes of what, to my eye, appears to be worse than any six minutes I've ever lived in my life. And Lemay tells him to do this repeatedly. And Tony has done it repeatedly. If anything, I think I may need to write a fawning letter to and about Coach Lemay as well.
Baya/Isabella/Bella
Bella met a young woman at an event recently. They started chatting, Bella implementing her get-to-know-you protocol. After a few minutes, the woman interrupted Bella to say, "Boy, you ask really great questions!". Bella smiled, thanked her, and confessed it is something she works hard to do well.
The woman went on to say she never really gives that compliment to people, at least not many people. She explained that she was a Thought Consultant, which means her entire job is pretty much about asking questions of people and trying to get them to ask better questions of themselves. By my estimation, getting this compliment from this human is akin to Tom Brady saying he likes your throwing motion.
The bad news here is that this is yet another achievement my 23-year-old daughter has beaten me too. When I had kids, I knew it would be emotionally trying. I just didn't expect it to be professionally debilitating as well. And I gotta ask, how the heck to you get this dang title? I once asked my boss if I could be a Technology Evangalist. As I walked away from his laughter, he suggested I start with Technology Comedian and work my up.
Aleo/Alexander/Alex
A professor asked Alex if he would be his Teaching Assistant for a class in the coming year. Aleo was surprised at the request as he had never had the professor. It turns out that another professor, whom Alex did have, recommended Alex to the man.
I was only ever asked two things by my university when in college.
1. To ask fewer questions in class.
2. To return my library books on time.
And that is not the end of interest in Alex's skillset. He's already turned the head of a few professionals before even completing his second year of film school. Oh, and Alex also turned 21 last week.
In summation
I know of multiple married couples who are starting that empty-nester phase of their life. In a troubling number of cases the prognosis looks bleak. To combat this, many are entering couples therapy to help them in their post-children lives. I see therapy in my future too but it is not the marital/couple type (though Marty may report something different). My therapy is going to focus on repairing my abused self-esteem as I watch my kids and their young successes where I cannot help but compare it to my faltering early years.
Given our trajectories, and their needing us less and less every day and us passing them on that scale where we may one day need them more, I feel compelled to remind them, that I changed their diapers when they were little. Well, ok, so Marty changed their diapers but there were times I didn't leave the room when it happened. That's gotta count for something, no?
The age in which a child of Troy DeArmitt’s appreciates having had their life documented on a public website.
For most of their lives my children didn’t know a website existed that chronicled a great number of the things they did and said. Upon learning of it, their...
Above is Alex’s second film school assignment—make a two minute silent film.
Since first seeing it, I've had multiple recurring thoughts about this 150 second video:
I'm struck by the conciseness of the storytelling. I won't say I thougth it an impossible ask but would have surely thought it an unreasonable ask were it put before me. Two minutes? What the heck am I suppposed ...
This is what we say to Anthony when he leaves the house. It doesn't matter if the day is Monday or Saturday; this is what is said. The source of this is tied to a single weekend from his sophomore year where Anthony left the house on Saturday morning with no real plans in hand, and we didn't see him again until Sunday evening.
Alex recently came to Marty and asked if she was ok. She was and said as much. He asked again, seemingly not believing her first answer. She repeated she was fine and asked why he was asking. He said that he noticed that she had not made dinner on two of the three nights this week. Marty took a moment to recall the week, and yes, because of some atypical evening events, we did not have our usual f...
For years Bella wanted to be a waitress. I believe this began after she heard, "waitresses make bank!" After working a few counter-service jobs, she got hired at Red Lobster. They said she couldn't serve tables because she had no experience, but they would start her as a hostess and get her waiting tables in time. That never happened, and after a half year or so, Bella gave notice.
Anthony. Where to even begin in describing what it's like to exist near a now 16-year-old Anthony Walter DeArmitt.
His life mantra for the past few years has been, "it will probably be ok," and to date, he has been 100% right.
Even though academics might be one of his top skills/gifts, he has applied to a trade school where he will study the construction arts in his last two ye...
I recently, to Marty, compared Anthony to Bella saying that something he did reminded me of her. With zero pause, Marty quickly corrected me with the following.
Bella appears confident, even when she is not.
Anthony is confident, genuinely confident, and is never pretending.
Then you have Alex who might not look confident b...
After her morning shower, Marty dashes to the basement to get clean underwear. All she had on was a tank top. When she rounded the corner into the laundry room she saw anthony standing there, wearing only a hooded sweatshirt and, like her, no pants or underwear. Seeing his naked buttocks she pulled up and the following ensued.
It was a Friday. Marty was home because it was parent-teacher conference week. On these weeks, Marty works three, twelve-hour days and, in return, gets a Friday off. The boys were home too because if there are no teachers, there is no school.
I woke at my usual time and started working. After a few hours, I heard Marty's feet pad to the bathroom. I snuck to our bed, so I was there for ou...
Anthony began high school this year. This means a few things. First, it is the last time he and his brother will attend the same school at the same time. They had a nice long run in elementary but will only have this one year left. Unless you count the covid year, that was a very special setup for the two of them as they spent that entire year side by side, and as each other's best friend, they we...
For as long as I can remember, I've been telling Anthony there are two things he should try–debate and wrestling. Debate because he has an unreasonably able mind and wit. Wrestling because when young he spent as much time climbing trees as he did walking the earth. As a result, Anthony sports a collection of striated muscles that would be the envy of even the most committed gym-rat. After every ...
Out of nowhere, Bella asked if I would walk a marathon with her. Now this was not an organized event. It was just a leave your house and walk 26 random miles event. Without giving it a whole lot of thought, I said sure. Honestly, a large part of me didn't really expect it to happen so it felt like one of the safer shows of support I had ever given one of my children.
Then a few weeks later Bella started asking if this day might work for our marathon-walk. Oh. Uhh. Yeah. Sure.
Then the day before the day, Bella told me that Anthony (age 13) would be joining us. His participation may have surprised me more than the fact that this walk seemed to be happening.
And when the day came, Bella and Anthony were out of bed and lacing up shoes and Marty was loading up the Camelback. Within the hour we were out the door and logging our first mile.
I originally considered mapping a walk but realized there was little point to that. We just needed to walk. It didn't really matter where we went. We each had a tracker. Bella used her phone. I used my vivofit 2 (wearable pedometer), and I gave anthony my bike computer (which works for walking as well). We are fortunate that we have all sorts of beautiful cityscape and neighborhoods and one of the largest city parks in America surrounding our home so we just sort of wended our way around our community.
I spent the first part of the walk trying to understand Anthony's interest in this. It didn't take me long to find my answer. In my mind I understood that this would be an all-day march. I learned neither Bella or Anthony fully did the math on it. After the first hour, we saw a neat little bench and decided to take a quick break. Then we stumbled upon this adorable public garden and decided to sit in there for a bit and enjoy the view. Then an hour after that, we came upon a park and took another break. When Anthony looked at our distance and saw that two hours' effort bought us five miles, the unasked question was asked--So, just how long is this going to take?
After I broke the news he confessed that he thought we would be done by noon. Feeling sympathetic for this miscalculation I designed a route that would take us by home at the midway point for lunch and bathroom breaks. In addition to being kind to our bladders, I thought this provided Anthony an easy out for the second leg given he misunderstood what he signed up for (though I never told him that is why I took us back home). After we ate and rested for a bit, Bella and I (and Leta) started prepping to head back out and when we met in the foyer, Anthony was there too. I expressed surprise that he was going back out. He said he had come this far, he might as well finish it. Proud, proud, proud.
During the walk, Bella made these phone updates after every mile. I didn't fully understand what was happening with them and I thought it might get annoying. But it proved to be a nice way to tick the miles off and show our progress. When she shared the finished product with me, I thought it was super cool. Anytime I re-watch it, I'm totally transported back to the day and I have all sorts of memories surrounding the short clips. Fun, fun stuff.
This happened in June of 2020. Bella and I have since talked about doing another marathon walk. Anytime the subject has been raised, Anthony has always raised a hand to say that once was enough for him. Though, just a few nights ago at dinner, he might have been heard to say that he would be open to doing a half-marathon. So, perhaps in another six months, he might be good for the full-boat again. And next time, I think we might get Marta to join us.
The above two photos, from a 2018 ski trip, were taken moments apart. And when I say moments, I'm talking like less than a 180 seconds from one to the other. I imagine Anfer and I were laughing from trying to match Baya and Aleo's runway stares.
Question is which side of the table would you rather be sitting on (or looking at)?
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Last Christmas, I got a piece of sand art as a gift. It is a twelve-inch disc that rests in a plastic base. Half of it is filled with grains of sand of varying colors, sizes, and weights. The other half is filled with a liquid, which I assume is water. When you flip it over, the sand on the top half will slowly and unpredictably fall towards the base. This is the art part, watching the sand slowly...
bella does a good amount of house and dog sitting. she has for years. just about anytime she sees someone walking a dog she approaches them, asks if she can pet it, and strikes up a conversation. most of those talks end with the following sentence -- "if you ever need someone to watch your dog and you hire bella's bright dog-sitting business, the future will be bright for you and your pets!"
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i always wanted a sibling. i can't say if i wanted a brother or a sister more, but i always felt like i was missing out on something special living as an only-child. then over the years as a ravenous collector of people's personal stories, i heard some things that made me think maybe it wasn't all bad that i never had to share my toys or bedroom or mother with another. obviously that ship sailed l ...
