Anthony starts his senior year of high school this week. For college, presently, it is looking like he might be attending Mizzou to study Journalism. Given this interest Marty, Anfer and I visited the school on their summer visit day. It was a fun day that began at day-break when we had to set out on the two hour drive to the school. We enjoyed seeing the campus and hearing the various schools and programs discuss their offerings.

For me, the most memorable moment happened at the initial orientation talk where they provided a broad overview of everything from degree options to housing to extracurriculars to financial aid. For that last bit about the money, they distributed a grid where you could calculate your scholarship money by finding your ACT score along the top column and then your GPA down the side rows on the left. Find the intersection point and see how much scholarship money you qualify for.

I watched as Tony did this. I saw his finger track just a few boxes on the top column, and then just a few down on the left column and bang—Presidential Award. I asked to see the tri-fold document. Once in hand I eyed the grid to see where I might have landed. After getting to the end of options across the top, I unfolded it to see more but there were no more. The next panel that might have shown what I was looking for instead talked about other matters. Tony, sensing what I was doing leaned in and asked how much I would have gotten. I told him I think they need a bigger chart. He had to put his hand over his mouth to stifle his laugh as he squinted to see how low the scoring went AND realizing his father didn't make the cut.

While that might seem to be my rock-bottom, month’s prior to the above moment when Marty was reviewing Tony’s college application, she saw that for his father’s highest education he checked “High School Equivalency (e.g. GED)”.

MARTY
Why’d you say that?

TONY
What?

MARTY
Mark that your father didn’t go to college.

TONY
Because he didn’t.

MARTY
Yes he did. Your father has a college degree.

TONY
He does?

MARTY
Yes.

TONY (surpised)
Oh.

This harkens back to another memorable conversation ( olden days ). So on the good side, at least we can celebrate him getting my race right this time.

In summation, my 1987 ACT scores might not merit a conversation about scholarship money, but if we continue to let Anthony fill out legal documents unsupervised, we might all get arrested for fraud. Of the many things I can’t explain in this world, my son’s perception of me is one of the most inexplicable mysteries I’ve ever encountered. I mean I have seen this boy virtually every day of his life and there are baggers at my grocery store who know me better.

This has to be some massively long-running bit right? There can be no other explanation.