during our recent two day car ride, bookguy and i discussed many, many things, one of which surprisingly surprised bookguy. the item of note came when i mentioned part of my daily ritual. bookguy dismissively said he knew of my routine because i shared it on the site (many moons ago). i corrected him saying that what i just mentioned wasn't part of what i shared on the site. he said if that were true i should post the rest of it. i explained i couldn't. when he asked why not i said because it was too personal. with this, he turned to me and repeated the words "too personal" in a questioning manner.

i explained that yes there were more weapons in my time and life management arsenal than what i have shared on the site and the reason for holding them back stemmed from the fact that, yes, they were too personal. to be clear, this is not an 'afraid or embarrassed to share' kinda personal but a 'meant/built just for troy' kinda personal. truly personal. one of the epiphanies aging offered me is an appreciation for how phenomenally complicated we all are and how unique each of our life experiences prove to be. as such, different folks require vastly different weapons to slay their personal demons and climb the peaks they hope to crest. some tools i'd say are global. those are the ones i shared awhile back. others are more individualized. these are the ones i chested.

after explaining my logic, bookguy pushed on saying that if the purpose of my site is to chronicle my home's life for my children, then i better get these rituals, no matter how private, into the public space, lest they be lost to my children should something happen to me. surely a thought-worthy sentiment. he knows me well enough to know that this site has over the years become largely two things: one, a record of the curious and funny stuff that happens in my home (in example), and two, a future conversation with my children should i, for some reason, not be around to have it in person (in example).

winning me over, i threw out a few examples of what lived on these private pages that i review in my days. bookguy complimented one of them specifically. the one he liked deals with how i approach the universal problem of dwindling days with our children. in short, i have a webpage dedicated to my family. it is a collection of motivators and reminders about things i love and in a quiet moment would say i'm committed to about my family. i visit this page at the end of the work day before heading home or on weekend mornings before i'm going to spend large chunks of time with my family. the countdown above lives at the top of my family page and is the first thing i see every time i visit the page. the countdown is what bookguy liked. (NOTE: the above number is a functioning bit of code that will reveal the true days left count. for reference sake, the day i uploaded the post, it read 2,601).

while in one regard it seems like a lot of days, in another they seem to be a desperately scant few. the reason i tether the number to bella leaving is that the moment she goes, our family as we've known it dissolves. if you've ever sent one of your children away for a sleepover or long weekend elsewhere, you've probably noticed how the absence of one child, any child, changes the mood of the house during their absence. so it is my hope and intention to not take any of my X days for granted because the only thing i know with absolute certainty is that number is never, ever, never going to get any bigger.

i received a reprieve, a reprieve that to this father was as every bit life-giving as for someone sitting on death row. ok. maybe not that big, but big. the story was told here. and given this, i am adding three years, or 1,095 days to this counter. i am not adding the full four because i imagine bella will figure something out before she is fully out of college but she is also sensible enough to save her money as long as emotionally possible (and she doesn't quite hating living here yet, hate it enough to take on a monthly rent bill at least). getting outwitted by your kids when they are little kinda sucks. getting outwitted by your kids when they are older is kinda awesome, or at least has its perks. very happy to have been bested here.