marty is holidaying in florida with her sister, spring break-style for sure. she deserves it. this is her first vacation away from her children since she's had children. bella just turned four if you need perspective. fact is, i kicked her out, i said the words 'leave. get out. we don't need you. go. have fun. we'll be fine.' i want to be clear, those words were formed by me and under my own volition. she's now been gone two days and well, uhm, let's see ...

if dennis miller were to describe my performance since she's left, he would say 'troy got his ass kicked like a narc at a biker rally'.

if one were to liken these 48 hours to a sporting event, say baseball, one would say troy tripped over his shoelace while approaching the plate and impaled himself, rectally, on the business end of the bat he was carrying.

to be precise, the debacle began seven seconds prior to marty's departure. this would be 5:57am because she woke alex up as she ran down the steps to catch her ride (and don't think there's not a side of me that feels this mishap may have been intentional). the debacle intensified 18 hours later when bella told me she still loved me but loved grandma nyla more. and the debacle burst like a zit on the mirror when alex decided, after nearly two years of life, to master climbing out of his crib in the middle of the night. this achievement happened exactly 32 hours after what i'm now calling The Marty Abandonment. oh, and as an added bonus, alex learned how to open closed doors 33 hours after the abandonment.

tomorrow will be better. tomorrow must be better. for one, i'm going on the offensive. up at 7am, on the bikes by 8am. walking the zoo till noon. home for naps, 30 minutes only, then up and running circles around the house while i sit on the porch sipping vermouth (whatever that is). then to the indoor pool by 3pm for five hours of lap swimming (four if the water wings fall off). if they aren't tired to the state of obedience by that point we're getting in the van and driving to florida, straight-through, because it will then be apparent these children simply don't sleep and by splitting the driving between the three of us, we'll be there for a highly anticipated face-to-face with marty before we, or she, knows it.

marty my love, i hope you enjoyed your first and last holiday because as it turns out we maybe do need you a little bit and without you we may just be a little less than fine.

read the day three update here