if i were an animal i would not be a lion. there are a number of reasons for this. for one i could never contort my face into such a fierce countenance. i am also not the king of anything. i came close once. i was jake at tetris for the gameboy, but then e-love showed up and made me his lioness (i.e. bitch). i think i recall that lions like to run around and piss or spray on things as to say "hey, this is my stuff". this really isn't my style. i'm not one to hurl my bodily fluids about where someone else could accidentally sit in or eat off them. and lastly, the hair. i could never let mine grow that long because a lion with a kinky brown afro just wouldn't send the right message to others in the jungle.

that's all. it's just that if i were an animal, i wouldn't be a lion.