when i say it depends on you bella, what i mean is it depends on when your mother and i get the sense that you are mature enough to handle yourself in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. if you're wondering what that means, to me it is my knowing that you will, without exception, make good choices and protect yourself in such a relationship. when it comes to your girlfriends, if a girl is disrespectful to you or litters or is dishonest or is mean to others you are quick to call them on it and if they don't respond, you are quick to change your relationship with them. i need to know, with absolute certainty, that you will exercise the same sense and expectation in your dating relationships and that a boy doesn't get a pass with you because he's cute or popular or has a beach house you want to go to.

and when you ask me what i think of some boy, like andrew, my answer will always be the same, "i don't know what i think of andrew because i don't know andrew, you do." i'm not spending time with him, i won't see how he treats you when you're alone or when you're with friends and if he's consistent and respectful in how he treats you. maybe he is nice to you when you're alone but not when his friends are around and he makes fun of you because you ask a question about how lacrosse works. i'm not going to be there to see those exchanges which means i have to be confident you will police and protect yourself in those relationships because you're the one in them. so in short, when i know you will hold your boyfriends to the same standard i see you hold your everyday friends, then i will say you are old enough to date.

(multi-minute pause)

and for a more concrete example bella, think of it like school. there was a time mom and i told you when to go to bed, when to do your homework, when to get up, what to wear, what to take for lunch and on and on. we made virtually every decision for you. now we don't get involved in any of those details. why? because you're all over it. you bring home straight As. we don't have to wake you in the morning. hell, sometimes you wake your mother up. you've never missed the bus. we get nothing but rave reviews from your teachers. as long as you keep managing your school affairs to that level of excellence you will never, ever, ever hear me comment on how you're conducting yourself when it comes to any of that stuff, namely because you know what's going on better than i do and as long as you handle your business to that standard, i don't have to get involved. that's where you want to get to in regard to dating. and technology. and money. and eating. and exercising. the only time you'll hear me comment is if i think you're making bad choices that can hurt you.