For his Fall 2023 semester, Alex took advantage of a study-abroad program and spent the term in the Netherlands. Aside from him letting us know he successfully arrived at his destination, Leiden, we didn’t hear a whole lot from him for the first month. Then he sent an email saying that he had a problem—the university asked him if he would move out of his single room into a shared room so a new ...

Marta declared it the best summer ever. It was a pretty good one. Noting a few of the highlights for our records. 

Anfer 
Tony attended something called Boys State. It is an eight day experience where a few kids from just about every high school in the state attend. During the week they establish a complete community and government system (I think). Attendees are recommended via teacher referrals so it was a pretty high-caliber collection of young people. Anthony had a lot of fun. What he did not have was a lot of sleep. His first day back, he dropped his bags in the foyer, walked to his bedroom, and slept for fourteen hours. 

Aleo 
Alex was invited to help teach at a weeklong summer program at his university. There were two students from his Film School recommended by faculty. The experience ended up being significantly more challenging than he, or anyone else, expected it to be. Marty and I were both stunned at some some of the situations he found himself in. We were equally surprised by the grace in which he responded to each of them. This poise under duress is an ability he has repeatedly demonstrated in his young life.

Baya 
Bella is working on starting a non-profit (more on that later). While getting things organized, she has been doing a lot of social media work so when she's ready to open the doors, she has a ready group of people to invite inside. The other day, while shopping, someone yelled at her from across a store, “Hey! Yo! Kindness girl!”. She got recognized in the wild! AND she got called Kindness-Girl! It is hard to know which of those two milestones made her beam more.

Marta 
Marty and I took our first trip together without kids since having kids. And it was kinda great. The only bad thing to come of it was when I called my best friend, Bookpimp, to ask if it was ok for Marty to join me on this year’s visit, he replied, “The question is if Marty’s coming, why would we need you?”. In our travels, in addition to doing a record amount of kayaking (in her origami kayak), she did a few new things, namely trail bike riding (through a Michigan forest on dirt pack) and taking up tennis (she has even gotten a coach).

Troy
I’ve been going tent-camping in Michigan every July for the last ten years. Every year, I seemingly go a bit longer. For the last few years, I’ve gone for a month. This year was supposed to be five weeks, but an unexpected Secret Cajun Band concert caused me to delay my departure. When in Michigan I do a good bit of reading, play a lot of tennis, bike a lot of miles, and paddleboard just about every day (that's where I get my baths). Next year I will be adding snorkeling and open water swimming to the list of activities. This year I concluded my Michigan Julys are the summer camps I never got as a kid. I’ve been going to this same place for so long, I now know more people there (other summertime regulars as well as locals) than I do in my home’s neighborhood.

Those are the tippy-top highlights from the Marty-branded best summer ever.

Alex had a movie shoot that would run all night AND be outside when it would be in the thirties. Given his 4% body fat ratio, he doesn’t have a lot of natural insulation. Upon learning this, Marty did a deep dive through our basement storage, looking for things to help. She found them in a blue Rubbermaid tub marked SKI BIN #3. 

After laying her bounty of warm clothes out for him, she proclaimed, that’s how much I love you, Alex. I’m willing to go through all those bins and boxes in the basement so you won't freeze tonight. The rest of the day, we joked with Alex that his mother had a SKI BIN #3 amount of love for him. 

That same day, the neighbors got their thirteen-year-old son a limo to drive him and his friends around during his birthday party. As we all looked out the windows at the kids piling into the glossy black stretch, Alex said, "That's nice but is it a SKI BIN #3 level of love."

I'm thankful the DeArmitt children know it is not.

When I run into people I haven't seen in a bit, they universally ask the same question. That question is not, how are you? How is your business? How is your health? How is your life? The number one question I get is, "How are the kids?". While we're making numbered lists here, the number two question I get is, "How is Marty?". And since the moment I had kids or was married, this has been the case. Even my own mother would inquire about my family before asking about me, so please know I'm not judging anyone. Just another of my observations. The truth is I am in aggreement. I too find Marty and my children more interesting as well.

I say all of that to say that since it has been a minute since we chatted, let's just go ahead and get how the kids are doing business out of the way. By now, you all know I am every bit as boastful and gloating of my children as any father. So to enforce some brevity here, I will just pick one recent thing (and by recent, I'm talking about the last two weeks) to say about my kids.

Anfer was recently inducted into the National Honor Society (for the record, both Baya and Aleo also received this distinction). When this happens, the student is asked to select a teacher to present their NHS certificate to them at the recognition ceremony. Anthony chose his social studies teacher, who also serves as his wrestling coach. As the words reveal, this selection emanated not from the classroom but from a odor-rich gymnamsium. When I first read this, I thought of something I've heard Marty express over the years. It typically surfaces after Bella shares some bit of wisdom she picked up in her travels. After sharing her insight and leaving the room, you will often find Marty muttering to herself, "Oh sure, I've been telling you that for seven years, but MARY (and the person's name is always elongated and exaggerated) says it, and now it is part of your life's gospel." 

So after reading the Lemay-lovefest, I felt a tinge of that Marty-hurt. Then after giving it a bit more thought, I concluded the hardest thing I've ever asked Tony to do is mow our backyard with a manual-push mower that has a gimp wheel. Lemay tells Tony to walk onto a mat with a muscle-ridden, half-dressed opponent and engage in six minutes of what, to my eye, appears to be worse than any six minutes I've ever lived in my life. And Lemay tells him to do this repeatedly. And Tony has done it repeatedly. If anything, I think I may need to write a fawning letter to and about Coach Lemay as well. 

Bella met a young woman at an event recently. They started chatting, Bella implementing her get-to-know-you protocol. After a few minutes, the woman interrupted Bella to say, "Boy, you ask really great questions!". Bella smiled, thanked her, and confessed it is something she works hard to do well.

The woman went on to say she never really gives that compliment to people, at least not many people. She explained that she was a Thought Consultant, which means her entire job is pretty much about asking questions of people and trying to get them to ask better questions of themselves. By my estimation, getting this compliment from this human is akin to Tom Brady saying he likes your throwing motion.

The bad news here is that this is yet another achievement my 23-year-old daughter has beaten me too. When I had kids, I knew it would be emotionally trying. I just didn't expect it to be professionally debilitating as well. And I gotta ask, how the heck to you get this dang title? I once asked my boss if I could be a Technology Evangalist. As I walked away from his laughter, he suggested I start with Technology Comedian and work my up.

A professor asked Alex if he would be his Teaching Assistant for a class in the coming year. Aleo was surprised at the request as he had never had the professor. It turns out that another professor, whom Alex did have, recommended Alex to the man. 

I was only ever asked two things by my university when in college.
1. To ask fewer questions in class.
2. To return my library books on time.

And that is not the end of interest in Alex's skillset. He's already turned the head of a few professionals before even completing his second year of film school. Oh, and Alex also turned 21 last week.

I know of multiple married couples who are starting that empty-nester phase of their life. In a troubling number of cases the prognosis looks bleak. To combat this, many are entering couples therapy to help them in their post-children lives. I see therapy in my future too but it is not the marital/couple type (though Marty may report something different). My therapy is going to focus on repairing my abused self-esteem as I watch my kids and their young successes where I cannot help but compare it to my faltering early years.

Given our trajectories, and their needing us less and less every day and us passing them on that scale where we may one day need them more, I feel compelled to remind them, that I changed their diapers when they were little. Well, ok, so Marty changed their diapers but there were times I didn't leave the room when it happened. That's gotta count for something, no?

For most of their lives my children didn’t know a website existed that chronicled a great number of the things they did and said. Upon learning of it, their...

This is Aleo's freshman year final project. Not much to say from me other than, wow! My favorite comment overheard from another is, "Who knew how photogenic the DeArmitt/Walter house could be?"

I'm also supposed to say that this is not the final-final version and there is still some fine-tuning and color-correction that is necessary. I'm confident none of us civilians will ever know the ...

Above is Alex’s second film school assignment—make a two minute silent film.

Since first seeing it, I've had multiple recurring thoughts about this 150 second video:

• I'm struck by the conciseness of the storytelling. I won't say I thougth it an impossible ask but would have surely thought it an unreasonable ask were it put before me. Two minutes? What the heck am I suppposed ...
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a new TROYSCRIPT was posted today. Hello doctor

It is rare to see Alex look unsettled.

When he was in a middle school robotics competition, if someone was struggling with a challenge, they were allowed to have a teammate step in to help them. In many cases, the person called in was Alex, and when he took the controls from the rattled contestant, he would begin methodically stepping through the problem, the world around seemingly disso...

The Secret Cajun Band (SCB) is a St. Louis ska-band I became obsessed with in the 90s. Marty knew the guitar player from her high school days and asked me to go with her to a small concert they were doing. I said I didn't want to go. She said she didn't want to go alone and asked me to go as a favor. So I went, but under protest. After the first five notes from the first-ever song I heard from the ...

Alex recently came to Marty and asked if she was ok. She was and said as much. He asked again, seemingly not believing her first answer. She repeated she was fine and asked why he was asking. He said that he noticed that she had not made dinner on two of the three nights this week. Marty took a moment to recall the week, and yes, because of some atypical evening events, we did not have our usual f...

For years Bella wanted to be a waitress. I believe this began after she heard, "waitresses make bank!" After working a few counter-service jobs, she got hired at Red Lobster. They said she couldn't serve tables because she had no experience, but they would start her as a hostess and get her waiting tables in time. That never happened, and after a half year or so, Bella gave notice.

She t...

I recently, to Marty, compared Anthony to Bella saying that something he did reminded me of her. With zero pause, Marty quickly corrected me with the following.

Aleo began his college career this Fall. Like Bella, he elected to stay local. I already talked about his unsolicited scholarship, which made his attendance in a film program at this private university possible.

Alex has been interested in video production for years. He's watched hundreds, possibly thousands, of hours of videos on the subject...

When I worked at the university, one of their benefits was free tuition for your children. When I left the university in 2016 to start my company (and when Bella was a high school junior), I walked away from a million-dollar tuition benefit. In fact, the benefit was so valuable, there is an employment syndrome there called the golden handcuffs. This happens when someone no longer likes their job b...

The above two photos, from a 2018 ski trip, were taken moments apart. And when I say moments, I'm talking like less than a 180 seconds from one to the other. I imagine Anfer and I were laughing from trying to match Baya and Aleo's runway stares.

Question is which side of the table would you rather be sitting on (or looking at)? ...

PART 2 - Marty Catches a Break

Marty was running into lots of setbacks and few solutions in the early going of online teaching. Then she finally caught her first break. Many might predict the person to come to her rescue would be her husband. He has worked in the technology industry for twenty-five years, ran an online photo competition for fifteen years, and taught a uni...

When searching through my email for a work matter, I stumbled upon this forgotten diamond from a fourteen-year-old Aleo. Yes, it may appear to have been written at academic-gunpoint, but it is still an all-net, three-pointer on this father's scorecard.

we were driving home from our michigan camping trip. marty had bella and anthony in the van and alex was with me in my car. alex and i had just eaten dinner and were about 60 miles west of indianapolis.

as we were driving and talking i noticed a car had pulled up on my left and was driving steady with me. after a few moments, i looked their way. there was a college-aged guy in the passen...

PART 1 - mom hates dogs
i have been quite happy about the childhood i was able to make for my kids with one exception--pets. having pets in the home is one thing i always imagined for my children but was never able to make happen. readers of the site know the main road-block here has been marty. fact is, marty and all six of her siblings are famous pet-haters. granted, it is h...

i always wanted a sibling. i can't say if i wanted a brother or a sister more, but i always felt like i was missing out on something special living as an only-child. then over the years as a ravenous collector of people's personal stories, i heard some things that made me think maybe it wasn't all bad that i never had to share my toys or bedroom or mother with another. obviously that ship sailed l ...

aleo just got his driver's permit and has begun learning to drive. as with bella he is learning on a manual and like bella i taught him how to do it when he was thirteen. this means his first time out instead of just teaching him how to drive a stick-shift we could get right into the rules of the road and other next-level skills.

i took him to the same place i took bella and where lots o ...

one or alex's teachers forwarded an email exchange he had with our aleo. it follows:

---

From: Alexander Dearmitt
Date: Tuesday, January 22, 2019 9:00 PM
To: Social Studies Teacher
Subject: Australia Questions

I would just like to check to see if I was answering the questions you were asking so here are 3 questions I have about the project:

1. For the structure of the government do you mean like the branches of government in Australia?
2. For where the gov. meets do I need to say what buildings or just that they meet in the Parliamentary Triangle in Canberra?
3. Also, can we have more than five links in our bibliography?

If you could answer these questions that would help me immensely.

From,
Alex

---

From: Social Studies Teacher
Date: Tuesday, January 22, 2019 9:10 PM
To: Alexander Dearmitt
Subject: Re: Australia Questions

1. Yes
2. PT in Canberra is fine
3. Yes

Cool?

---

From: Alexander Dearmitt
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2019 7:07 AM
To: Social Studies Teacher
Subject: Re: Australia Questions

Cool beans!

Thanks, see you 2nd hour!

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this is a super small example of why the day countdown (Oct Gallery) matters as much as it does to me. because once bella leaves home, the family dynamic we have known since our family with children began is forever changed. and it is not about the giant factors like having an empty bed or one less dinner plate but these small daily moments that i will likely miss the most. these innocent interactions which most people seem to pay no mind are sort of thing i have most coveted and enjoyed watching. perhaps it is because i am an only child and never got to be part of such inter-play. unsure. but it is something i will miss dearly.

you know how when people take a picture they sometimes yell an instruction like "everyone smile" or "everyone be goofy"? I think for this picture the instruction yelled was "everyone be their genuine selves". i say this because i've never seen a picture that so perfectly captures the essence of these four people.

going around the circle.
Marty just bleeds natural and confident hap ...