i was in a meeting the other day and someone referred to the webmaster. everyone looked at me. why are you all looking at me, i asked the room and they said 'because you're the webmaster stupid.'

scary times. these are scary times indeed.

i've got about an hour before going to bed and in this time i can either think of something to say to you or crack open the book i haven't touched in two months.

you see, i've worked more in the last 6 weeks than i did in all of 2002, possibly 2001 as well. the intranet i've been building for my new employer sees its first users tomorrow (tuesday) where they will poke and jab with their keystrokes and mouse clicks the 31 applications that were rewritten for their benefit.

so in these last few moments of anonymity i think i shall go sit on a futon and do what i haven't done in a long time; read my book.

one question. how the hell is jiffy lube about to pass the phrase 'too much information' as the number one hated item at boycott city.

ok, jiffy lube sucks, no doubt, but people come on, 'too much information'? are you kidding me here. i've let you dawdle on this long enough and it is time to step up. quite simply, i cannot have such an atrocity committed on my brain child. and, if you read this site there's no way you ever utter this phrase. it just wouldn't add up. and if it is a part of your verbal routine and i'm just not aware of it, send me an email so i can write you off properly.

and as an fyi, signing up has been significantly simplified so you definitely have no excuses to not throw your hat in the ring.

and, if you're feeling extra generous, hook me up by tossing my circumcision boycott a bone as well. you don't even want to get me raving on how gene simmons is more hated that male mutilation. that's one hellmouth you should hope to never see. i assure you.

my dad was selling a car on autoTrader.com. he quickly got an inquiry from a guy in africa saying he wanted to buy it. the guy said he was going to send my dad a check for more than double the cost of the car and asked that my father forward the excess funds to the company that was going to ship the car to africa. while a bit of a pain in the ass, my dad agreed happy to get a buyer. so africa-guy sent a cashier's check for $8,000 (4k over the cost of the car) and asked my dad to wire the extra jack to the delivery people. now something i failed to mention is that every time dad talked to this guy he (the guy) used one of those operator assistance services where he types his messages and a third party voices them to the other person. the guy cited a speech impediment in explaining the reason, a touch bizarre, but not a deal-breaker. my dad agreed and the cashier's check came but looked a little off in ways i won't get into, it just looked wierd. but it was a cashiers check all the same, essentially legal tender, so pops deposited it but asked the bank to notify him after it cleared because it looked kinda funky. they called two days later and said it was a fraudulent document.

dad spoke to the fraud units of the fbi and secret service to report the situation. they asked him to forward any further correspondence their way. so my dad, emailed the guy, said he got the check and what should he do next. the guy replied and said to wire the extra jack to such and such company in atlanta or somewhere. my dad said he would do it the next day by 3pm and then forwarded all of this information to the coppers.

the authorities did not do anything with the information in the window my dad gave them (3pm next day). my father obviously didn't wire the cash and was working towards getting the car re-listed and for the most part forgot about it. forgot until he got a call at 2:30 in the morning from the guy (sans his operator assistance) asking where his money was. after taking a moment to ponder the gargantuan balls on the dude my father asked him where a cashable check was. the guy then got haughty with my dad who simply cut him off to ask what happened to his debilitating speech impediment and hung up.

my father later asked the feds why they didn't do anything with the information he sent them and they apologized for the lack of response but unfortunately get thousands of these a day and don't get to all of them. thousands a day. amazing. abso-bloody-lutely amazing.

the other day i expressed my love for a close friend, michael (02.06.2003). today i must also divulge that i have an equal amount of concern for this very same fellow.

in example, you can see how a moment of inspiration moves michael and his cohort, buddy james.

friday i had a to present an intranet design to my groups' primary client. all went well but the two-hour affair left me a touch on the spent side. so i left work a little early as to get a small nap in before the girls got home, only upon arriving home i found that my dsl provider severed my internet connection a full 10 days before they were supposed to as part of an 'upgrade' they are mandating on all customers.

16 hours later i was able to raise a web page again. i then went to check my mail only to find it equally disabled. i called them next. it would seem some moron was trying to send me a 260mb email. after further investigation it was discovered that that moron was me. at the end of every month i have my monthly logfile detailing this site's web activity emailed to me. this file is usually around 15mb, but after being linked to by jason kottke, metafilter, usa today and a south dakota 10 o'clock news show, this single text file came in at 260mb, which in itself exceeds my full web space allocation. and this does not even account for the rest of my site. ultimately this single large-ass item was rendering my mail file completely impotent. after 8 calls to my host, 6 attempts to kill the individual message, and three full deletions of my mail file, i can again receive mail.

the bad news is anyone who sent me any mail between friday afternoon and sunday evening will have to resend it should they want me to see it. the worse news is because of that mail fiasco which turned my 30mb mail file into a 1.5gb frankenstein, i have 25 days to get a 1.8gb daily space average down to under 250mb or else my usual $25.00 hosting fee will more resemble a meager $1800. and, i hope it goes without saying that the everyman prizes next year may suck worse than this weekend if i don't get that squared away on the quick.

and, i have a favor to ask of someone. if i prove unable to reduce this billing amount, i need someone to tell marty for me. someone who is big and strong and can run like the wind. a lesser man may not survive the deed.

the casting call is over. it's now up to the three humans asked to serve as judges to assume the unquantifiably difficult task of narrowing 80 photos down to three.

last year i held on publishing the entries until it was all decided, making everything available at once. you can thank big ed for getting an early glimpse at this year's crop before the judging is complete. this has added benefit because while perusing them, try to pick a few out that you would award the prizes and you'll get a vibe of how agonizing the judging process is. bottom line is there are a number of photos worthy of the grand prize but as it is, only one can be anointed as such. this is the major suck about the everyman. the un-suck is how amazing and diverse and talented the submissions and their artists are. i tip my hat to all those who participated.

without further delay, i welcome you to visit the everyman index and see what you're competing against, should you be in the game.

note: the photos will not be credited with the author's name until the judging process is complete.

boycott city has gone international.

and how appropriate is it that our first non-citizen comes to us from amsterdam.

note: this obviously excludes the attic of our country, canada. we may not know why, but we all collectively know, they just don't count.

boycott city celebrates one month of life today. while it has not yet been indexed in the major search engines (meaning no foreign traffic), the activity has been respectable given the word of mouth program. in it's first thirty days boycott has registered 21 users who have created 34 unique boycotts with members participating in a total of 61 boycotts. right now the leading boycott is the phrase "too much information" even though the boycott against circumcision should be miles ahead of anything else (come on people, step up).

while bookguy and i were hoping for a more frenzied launch, we averaged one new boycott and two joins a day. should that pace continue, i feel we may have a fairly voluminous collection of information before long.

so thanks for those who have already participated, and for those who haven't, what's up with that.

and for my pilot people, we have not forgotten about your rewards. you will get what was promised. i promise.

as my wife and partner of almost 13 years knows and as all routine readers of this site know, it has been a long time since i've tried to impress anyone. ok so i try, but i don't succeed. it should count. today is a new day though. today, i start a new job. in many respects it has been awhile since i've had a job, but today i do, again. and, i am going to need to take my big gulp of air and try to swim to the other side of the pool without coming up in attempt to wow and astound my new colleagues and associates. point being, i need you to bear with me over the next few weeks, possibly months while i figure it all out. it is for the best, i assure you. once i learn the ropes and feel that i am properly contributing, i'll be back to my old flatutory and self-adulatory ways. until then things may be a little on the lean side. we'll see.

and, if any are interested about this new job, it is a web design and development gig for the mortgage division of the same bank i previously worked for. so i'm actually back to doing what i love, geeking on the web. it's actually a great opportunity, which is why i accepted it, and i'm bristling with the potential it holds. so, wish me well, say a prayer, kiss a penny, save me a dance, essentially do whatever it is people do when well-wishing other people.

the wait is over. the agony complete. the red carpet has been extended and the celebrities invited. today is the first official day boycott city is open to the public. so swing by, get your account and create or join a boycott on what i hope becomes a long-standing and authoritative voice in the genre of consumer satisfaction and information sharing.

and, remember, you can say you were there when it all began. and for all of those toms and mikes and marys out there, this may be your only chance to get a logon id, actually using your first name only without an 87 or 321 attached to the end.

i made my first impulse buy on ebay last night. i was simply doing some research on the original palm V and seeing if anyone was selling them. i'm convinced that these units have been cheaped up over the last few years and not made like they were back in the early days. i also haven't been right since mine broke seemingly forever ago and i've been using a museum ready palm III.

anyway, i hop onto ebay and what do i spy at the top of the search results but a like new palm V maturing in 20 minutes. not only is it a palm V but the auction includes a hard case (which i already have), a targus keyboard (for ultra dorkdom), a usb savvy docking cradle (for that macintosh at home) and a neoprene cover as an extra parting gift. and all this for an opening bid of $100. only one guy bid on it so it was sitting at a modest $110 and i mean what can you say, the guy is, and i'm sure we can chant this together, giving it away. last time i was in the accessories aisle this potpourri of items would gig your credit card a clean $500 plus. i honestly didn't think my bid of $112.50 would make it through but, well since i'm writing about this i reckon you can intuit the outcome.

as part of my rationalizing this bout of weakness i've concluded that since i don't routinely go to the mall and can't even tune into the home shopping network given my rabbit-ears cable situation, i guess it's only fitting i tank an occasional c-note on ebay.

now, i'm sure it goes without saying that there is no reason to tell marty about any of this. she's got a lot on her mind. agreed. good.

boycott city is close to being baked. the first pilot users will be introduced to it later this week. very exciting. very exciting indeed. and, it's also why i've been neglecting all that is supposedly important in my life, yes including you pouty-face.

as a legal update, in talking to my lawyer (read, friend from college) about the possible ramifications of such a site he ultimately calmed my fears by saying that should a company elect to pursue monetary litigation, our defense would go something like this:

Your honor, they (evil company) can sue for all they want. I'm not sure what resources they hope to extract out of a couple of hicks working out of their basement in backwoods Missouri though. But, by all means, sue away.

man it's finally paying off to be broke and a rube and living in the fine and open state of missoura. and, my mother said i didn't have a plan.

someone had the nerve to make this ill-considered attempt of labeling me. what they don't know is i will not, no cannot be tossed into some clicky block of drones, try as you may.

Shabby Chic Social Darwinist (read troy)
This lifestyle is lead by those (read troy) that feel the need to fill their (read troy) lives with the best (read hell yeah). But not the best of everything. They will stop at nothing to acquire a high priced electronic item (i.e. ipod, bmw, powerbook, mp3 car stereo), while wearing the same shoddy clothing (read troy owns one pair of goodwill shorts) for days on end (read 23 days on end). They enjoy conversing with strangers (i.e. you) on uncomfortable topics (i.e. circumcision, sex, basically anything having to do with the penis) and are very free with expressing their (read troy's) opinions, which they (read troy) always (read and i mean always) have. They respect strength (read old spice deoderant) and have no use for the ignorant (read bookpimp) and lazy (read bookpimp again).

it is this kind of adolescent ranting on the internet that gives us all a bad name. it would seem our buddy and pal mr bookpimp has finally, finally hung his web shingle. yeah i know, i feared this day as well. feared the time that bookpimp would learn that it wasn't only people with comp sci degrees and born in odd-dated years on even-dated months who were allowed to have websites and blog incessantly about the inanities of their life. and for the record, whoever enlightened him has some splaining to do.


i'm certain it doesn't take a web designer to assess that you can certainly expect a lot more of this kind of thoughtless prattle each and every day and therefore i suggest you visit michaelcosm frequently and routinely. i know i will to see what kind of libelous things are being said about me and mine.

this site is know as many things to few people. my favorite moniker-maker is "he-who is-not-afraid-to-use-naughty-words-in-his-blog-ed". in addition to his current descriptor of "the whole life catalog", he previously referred to my site as "troy has his whole dang life online". thanks for the kind and apt descriptors f-bomb ed.

in addition i've recently gotten the impression, from another blogger, that i've been neglecting my viewing audience. to this, i agree. i have been taking you for granted and depriving you of the details you have become accustomed and addicted to. so in attempt to live up to big ed's nomenclature and to push the plunger for buddy james' awaiting needle, allow me to share some details from my recent life to get everyone up to speed.

more recently than i'd like to admit i wore the same pair of pants 23 days in a row. and, if you're asking the same question marty did (have you washed those this month?), the answer is a confident no.

when not wearing the 23-day pants, i wore the same pair of shorts, which i will call, for simplicity sake, the 23-day shorts. and again the answer to you and marty's question would be a second confident no.

i kicked a bella-discarded pickle part under the stove instead of throwing it in the garbage.

crouching near the ground in my work clothes i saved 8 earthworms from a post rain sun and droves of killer ants, despite many concerned looks by passerby's.

i recently watched the complete first season of OZ in two days. that would be 13 hours worth of humor for the uninitiated.

after the neighbor's dog licked my hand, i wiped the slobber off on the back of bella's shirt. (for those gasping at my lack of respect, allow me to report that she didn't seem to mind).

so as you can see, all's well and going as expected in troy-ville. thanks for your patience and continued intrigue and i promise (meaning i will try as long as it is not inconveniencing to me) to keep you better apprised of my happenings.

in honor of today's what do you want update, i invite you to see what people want from google. it speaks volumes about us, all of us, we know what we want but just don't always know how to get there. this experiment shows that it pays to simply try. get it in the ball park and you just may be sated and prosper.

you may have noticed i haven't been around much as of late. you may have also noticed a newish project listed under my professional page, boycott city. you do the math.

BC is a vision i've had for awhile which i'm pretty stoked (nice eh) about and those i have discussed it with seem equally compelled. one such person not only offered to help but immediately returned home and developed the entire, not unsophisticated, backend to this web application (thanks bg). this token of charity obviously placed the burden on my keyboard to produce an interface to front his work. hence, i have been holed up working on this every waking moment as well as plenty of should-not-be-waking moments.

after beginning the work on this site, as always seems the case, the simple vision exploded into a comprehensive labyrinth of pages to be built and challenges to be met. fortunately, my daily life incents me to trudge forth through this quagmire of detail and lost hours. for instance, just tonight i was at my local blockbuster looking for a film and made a horrific discovery. my lovely video store does not deem the highly acclaimed films, birth of a nation or in the heat of the night worthy of their shelves. after being told this and returning to find something else i spied such classic cinematic triumphs as hot club california and the naked cage. yeah, i trust your judgment and discerning eye to mandate what i'm able to watch after you closed every other respectable and intelligent video house in a twenty mile radius. my viewing pleasure is in your capable and caring hands.

so sit tight kids. no one wants to see a tool to voice your displeasure with large corporations and sub-par standards more than myself, and fortunately, a few of my more technically gifted friends. given this BC will be built, and available, unless of course we elect to replace it with something more useful and entertaining to you like a fan site for joshua jackson or yet another unusable portal to nothing, to better convenience you, our customer, because it is ultimately your happiness we care about it and you are the reason we strive towards excellence with every transaction and decision... didn't you read our glossy pr prospectus we sent to your home telling you what a competent and knowing organization we are ... unsolicited for your ease.

it is you we care about.

while i'm going to respect his request for anonymity at this time, buddy james recently found a home on the web doing that whole bloggy thing. on a recent update he was kind enough to recognize your humble host. i'm sure glad michael's name was also in this short list else it would read: influenced by troy and a litany of girl weblogs.



while i personally do not take issue of the noted company in any negative vein and while i'm fine with the amount of grunting and scratching i do, buddy's choice of wording would not serve me well among some of my more testosterone ridden mates. case in point, the other day bookguy and i were going to play tennis and he was displeased with the amount of doddering (his word) i was doing before getting out the door. when i, finally, slid into the seat next to him he looked at me and said: i'd love to know who messed up on the human assembly line and gave you a penis.

what can i write ... reliable help is hard to find.

ever wonder what happens when bookpimp and buddy james are left alone, bored and online over the weekend? allow them to put your whirling mind to rest with their recent creation.

after reviewing our touring schedule, i'm releived i didn't throw my terry cloth thong out after all. especially since the stain is only visible when i'm not wearing it.

have you heard the latest? in attempt to quell the music sharing revolution, music companies are now selling cd's that not only won't play on a computer but will, by design, actually crash the computer if attempted ... like halting a computer mid-processing is some innocuous and meaningless matter.

before today i kept my napster, limewire, morpheus and other music sharing avenues to a moderate minimum before, out of respect of the abuse factor. it is now my intention to download every song sony music has ever produced and make it easily and readily available for any and all who may be so inclined to do the same. and if those dollar whores at sony and the other record companies think that the geeks on this planet will not break, crack, destroy and annihilate any safeguards they may take, they are thicker than the prophylactic measures they employ.

crash _my_ computer in the name of your profit margin. yeah, right. bite me sony.

so you're ready to see the results? i know you are, so i won't bore or delay you too long but would like to say that i felt the contest was an outstanding success, as can be seen by simply perusing through the photos.

if you want to see the winners, go here.

if you want to see all of the photos, go here.

thanks to all who participated. i personally enjoyed the experience and feel as though something happened here. something good and something broad. again i thank you.

and to the winners, the checks will go out tomorrow.

and to those who were part of a tie (2nd and 3rd), you will not be splitting the award but will each receive the full bounty. we here at dearmitt.com believe strongly in not getting generic when it comes to lucre. ok, so this is the first award we've ever given so it's doubly important to not set a lame precedent so you may anticipate the full amount in your mailbox.

i'm going to bed. now. i may have more to say on this matter tomorrow, but at this moment, i'm going to bed. i'm going to bed right now. good night.

i was going to get one of these for marty this christmas until i read this help desk posting. freaky as that is, it's not as bad as the tickle me elmo doll i had that would grope and diddle himself whenever he got dropped.

while you all have been scrambling to get your everyman photos in, i've been shooting a few of my own around. tonight i received an email from one of the recipients telling me 'Congratulations! Your photograph has been added to the mirror project.' look at me walking the walk. i guess it's about time because i think i have the talking the talk down pretty well. anyway, you can see my mirror here should you be so inclined. unfortunately, for my regulars this is recycled product. sorry. but it is currently 1:51am which is early compared to when i originally sent them my submission, so suck it up and be happy for us here.

miguel was over during the weekend putting the finishing touches on the secret cajun band site. i had commented that i thought the same people who name ska bands (alcoskalics, skatalites, skarlatines, alaska and so on) were the same people who named pornographic films (tool of the nile, for your thighs only, forrest hump, romancing the bone and so on). he said the band would on occassion try to come up with the quintessential ska band name. it was dogger in the end who coined what would be considered by all to be the alpha option. all i know is that i'd stand in line in the rain, on a work night and deathly ill to obtain a ticket to see a band named Malcom Skamal Warner.

I found myself in a pretty haughty bidding war the other day on ebay. Some guy named kansasclodhopper just wouldn't let my item go. But, on his behalf, he doesn't know me or my consumption neurosis. Because if he did, he would know that when I see something I need/want/desire, it must be mine, at any cost. And, while I ended up dropping twice what I should have for the product (thanks to clodhopper) the seller made a grave mistake in this auction. I e-mailed him earlier in the week asking him to name a price that he wanted for the item and I would gladly pay it that day. This speaks to another issue I sport that smells an awful lot like immediate gratification. So anyway, the seller did not respond but had he taken the time to submit a price that was even twice the double amount I'm already paying, I would have paid it, gladly and promptly, just so I could be looking at the item right now instead of writing about a victorious bidding war.