the experiment is over. marty has returned to the flock. a synopsis:

day 0 or preflight or the last day marty was with us : height of the roman empire
day 1 : rome is crumbling
day 2 : rome has fallen (detail)
day 3 : the new world is discovered (detail)
day 4 : still the new world, but with a lot of crappy neighbors.

yesterday (day 4) had multiple peaks and valleys, a meltdown or two and some good laughs interspersed throughout. my guess would be this is the most representative of what Walt experiences from one day to the next. as for earlier, i think the goodness of day 3 was just as aberrant as the badness of day 2.

to all you current and future fathers. this experience is a must, especially if your partner is a full-time caregiver. and, i'm not talking about a four hour stretch or even an overnighter, i'm talking about a multi-day escapade of a you-against-them kind of scenario. this is some exhausting shit. without doubt. and what seems to make it so taxing is the sheer unpredictability of it all. you can only ever reliably see five minutes into the future. any premonitions beyond that is wild speculation and about as accurate as the 10 o'clock weather.

empathy is your friend. understanding is your currency. appreciation your lifeblood.

now, if we could only experience menstruation.

marty abandonment update:
day three went swimmingly, one might even say spectacularly.

i attribute this success to the single-best piece of parenting advice i've ever received: the source of this sage insight, my father-in-law, who by my estimation did a pretty bang-up job.

thanks for the bail-out papa ken.

on wednesday i had lunch with some people i just recently met. one of the girls at the table was complaining about the state of her dating life. i gave her the typical 'just got to keep swinging' propoganda speech, you know the one that ends with a hearty, yet assuring, clap on the back.

she responded to my spirited pep talk by sharing a moment from her last outing where her date left her sitting alone at a table while he stepped out to engage in some medieval combat using a weapon made from pvc tubing.

on the good side, at least his mom was letting him stay out late, and this in addition to borrowing the car for the night.

afterthought : if i had to guess where the traditional clap on the back business comes from, i'd attribute it to homophobes who were unable to give hugs to their other phobe friends. if this is true, giving a clap on the back is almost like throwing hail hitler salutes around the workplace. no more claps on the back from me. you are either getting a full-body contact hug or you'll have to lick your wounds all on your own.

i know a guy who's pretty effeminate. i mentioned him in passing to some people, noting his daintiness and marty chimes in and says: i thought she was joking or not speaking to me. she wasn't joking and she was speaking to me. problem is, to me this guy seems really, super effeminate. looking for some manly support i turned to luby who was present. not only did luby not step up on my behalf, by the time he was done talking he had me thinking that the guy in question was a real-life rambo or extreme fighting aficionado compared to me.

i gotta say, i don't know what's up with these folks or why i hang out with any of them cuz they obviously aren't too bright. and now if you'll excuse me, i've got to go dust off my asian teapot collection.

last month my momz was in the newspaper. you see, there's recently been a syphilis outbreak in saint louis and when stuff like that goes down, people give my mom a shout because she's all over knowing the score about broken and malfunctioning genitals.

in the articles my mom referred to some 'sex-oriented social events' that took place late last year which were thought to be the source of the city's current dilemma. one thing that people will never be able to say about me is that the phrase 'sex-oriented social event' didn't grab my attention. so when mom was over for bella's birthday party i asked about her comments.

let's just say i got 20 bucks that says my mom has uttered the phrase 'spanksgiving' and your mom has not.

marty is holidaying in florida with her sister, spring break-style for sure. she deserves it. this is her first vacation away from her children since she's had children. bella just turned four if you need perspective. fact is, i kicked her out, i said the words 'leave. get out. we don't need you. go. have fun. we'll be fine.' i want to be clear, those words were formed by me and under my own volit...

as people moved through this traveling museum looking in on some of the most terrifying of human moments and while paying homage to the craftsmen who have devoted their lives, occasionally literally, to capturing these unique and momentary events, you'd think, you would just think for a moment that out of respect of this event and those trying to experience it, you could turn your fricken cell phone off for 60 minutes. or hows about a compromise and we just say set it to vibrate you self-absorbed hard-on(s).

between now and tomorrow i will be changed.

and by changed i mean in ways other than the usual. i'm not referring to weighing a fraction more or my skin having a touch less elasticity or even being 24 hours closer to existing underground. the change i'm talking about is far more significant. you see, darkman and i are going to the pulitzer prize photography exhibit this evening and i have a haunting suspicion the walls of my brain are going to get stamped more in a two-hour block than chris mcgrath's passport did in all of two thousand and one.

predictably, i'm hearing not many of these stamps have those circular smiley faces on them.

if you've walked by me in the last 36 hours and heard me tittering privately, it just means i'm looking at this picture again.

i'm not sure if marty finds it endearing or embarrassing that i laugh uncontrollably at things like this.

and let us not forget these other great moments in sports.
every expression in this picture is priceless
and will we ever forget this poor, poor girl

bella on observing grandma's natvity scene had been put away after the holidays.

my goal was to read four books on my two week holiday break in december. on the down-side, i only got through two and half books. on the up-side, the exercise woke up my hibernating literary sex-drive. so much so that this is the first time i've updated the reading section in several months or six books, however you prefer to look at it.

nypd blue
1993 - 2005

Katie Sipowicz
He could use God's help now.

Det. Andy Sipowicz
Short term he oughtta settle for getting his head out of his ass.

re-live some blue banter here