MARTY
once when i was baby-sitting this kid i looked over and he was in the corner crouched down and clenching his face all crazy like. i knew right then he was taking a dump in his shorts.

BOOKPIMP
well isn't that what babies do?

MARTY
he wasn't a baby. he was a kid. a kid wearing underpants and not a diaper.

TROY
and, did he go?

MARTY
of course.

BOOKPIMP
and, what did you do?

MARTY
i let him run around for awhile and then i called my mom and asked her what i should do. she said i had to clean him up and change him. but i didn't know how to get them off without getting it all over him and me.

BOOKPIMP
i know how. you have to cut them off.

TROY
look at you, mr mom.

BOOKPIMP
i only know because i crapped myself at work once and had to cut my own underwear off.

TROY
at WORK?!?!

BOOKPIMP
yep.

MARTY
did you feel all sexy the rest of the day walking around without any underwear.

BOOKPIMP
sexy?

MARTY
yeah. every now and then i will not wear any and i love the way it feels.

BOOKPIMP
sexy is deciding that morning to not wear underwear because it feels good. not because you had to cut them off with a pocketknife in a stall at work because you crapped yourself.

MARTY
i guess that does make a difference. what did you do with them?

BOOKPIMP
do with what?

MARTY
the underwear. did you clean them off.

BOOKPIMP
no. i didn't clean them off. i took them off. and threw them in the garbage can.

TROY
ahhhh! didn't the bathroom reek then.

BOOKPIMP
i don't know, i didn't have to go again that day.