TROY
hey bud, how you doing?
MWSLW
oh. hey troy, i'm doing well. how are you?
TROY
i'm good. the reason i stopped by is i'm moving next weekend and wanted to see if you could give me a hand. i can get most of the stuff myself but need help with the bigger things.
MWSLW
yeah. sure. i can help.
(MWSLW then deliberately turns and looks at the guy standing next to him. when he doesn't stop silently staring at the guy, i take this as a clue than i'm meant to address hiim, so i do.)
TROY
you can come to. i don't have a lot of stuff so it shouldn't take too long. and afterwards i'm taking everyone to ciceros for pizza.
THE GUY
when is it?
TROY
a week from saturday.
THE GUY
uhhm. i think i can make it.
TROY
great. just check with MWSLW. i'll leave the time and directions with him.
THE GUY
cool. i will.
TROY
thanks guys. i'll see you next week.
(moving day. MWSLW shows up to my new apartment, alone.)
MWSLW
hi troy.
TROY
hey. thanks for coming.
MWSLW
no problem. i'd do a lot more than move a few boxes for free ciceros.
TROY
where's your friend?
MWSLW
what friend?
TROY
the guy you were talking to at the store.
MWSLW
oh, him. i didn't know that guy. he was just a customer.
TROY
a what?
MWSLW
a customer.
TROY
what do you mean he was just a customer? why'd you let me invite him?
MWSLW
let you? i didn't tell you to invite him. you just asked him.
TROY
i asked him because after i asked you, you turned and stared at the guy like i was supposed to ask him.
MWSLW
why would i want you to ask him? i didn't know the guy. like i said, he was a customer. i looked at him because i thought he might have had a question.
TROY
well. whatever. it doesn't matter.
MWSLW
why doesn't it matter?
TROY
it's not like he knows where to go.
MWSLW
uhhm. actually he does.
TROY
and why is that?
MWSLW
because he stopped in the store yesterday for directions.
TROY
and you gave them to him?
MWSLW
why wouldn't i? you invited him.
about ten minutes after the above conversation, the guy showed up, driving a dark green gremlin with a tear-drop window in the rear side panels and fuzzy tassel-balls around the front window. during dinner he repeatedly clicked his barbell tongue piercing against the back of his front teeth and shared how he was saving money to get a hoop piercing over the head of his penis. he went on to say it was a big decision because that style of body-art pierces the underside of the urethera in such a way that if you ever remove the hoop, the hole won't seal back up ... something about the skin that makes up the belly-side of a penis. when i asked him the obvious question; if he got the piercing and then removed it, wouldn't he spray urine out of the bottom of his unit every time he took a leak. he laughingly waved me of saying that notion was silly because all you have to do is hold a finger over the extra opening so it wouldn't leak. he went on to give the table a lesson on the physics of urine as it exits the body. all i know is that at my last workplace, there was a mess of fellas who seemed unable to manage the fluid coming out of their one god-given hole that i had zero faith in the general male populace policing two exit-holes.
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