MARTY
i saw this disturbing thing at the park today.

TROY
yeah. what?

MARTY
this lady had a kid who kept sucking on his lower lip. he had done it so much that he had a sore on it. so she called him over and put desitin on it.

TROY
yeah. so?

MARTY
i would have thought she would have used vaseline. poor kid.

TROY
maybe she used that cuz it would taste bad and he would stop sucking his lip.

MARTY
yeah, maybe. but, i just wanted her to put some vaseline on it. i felt so bad for him.

TROY
enabler.

(a minute goes by)

MARTY
you know, i did that when i was a kid.

TROY
what? sucked your lip.

MARTY
no, my finger. i always had my finger in my mouth and i wanted to stop so i put stuff on it.

TROY
you did or your mom did?

MARTY
i did.

TROY
wow. that's commitment to changing a behavior.

MARTY
yeah, i really wanted to stop.

TROY
what did you put on it?

MARTY
i don't remember. some funny tasting stuff. but it didn't really work. it would wear off and then i'd just suck my finger again.

TROY
you should have just stuck your finger in your butt.

MARTY
what?

TROY
yeah, then you would have never stuck it in your mouth again.

MARTY
yeah. i guess.

TROY
WHAT!!! what do you mean YOU GUESS?

MARTY
(waves me off, laughing)

(moment passes)

TROY
hey look. i really need you to answer that question because i don't know if this (referring to marriage) can continue if you would have sucked on a butt-coated finger at any point in your life.

MARTY
i couldn't do that. put my finger IN my butt.

TROY
i should hope not. and, know this, if my finger had been up my butt, i wouldn't even touch the sole of my foot with it let alone anything else on my body and i expect nothing less from the woman i married.