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don't do that
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uhhhhmmm
daredevil's club
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free pizza
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three shows
remedial self-help
the last word
look before you leak
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things that are yellow
adopt you
37 years in 5 minutes
finish pooping please
marcher
warrior, part ii
go hide
be a warrior
you rang
your name's what?
motherhood
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i don't do that
i gotta know
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confused (part i)
show me
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smell my finger
who are you, supergirl?
the lie
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you in the closet?
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overall funk
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is there any other kind
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little bo sheep
infinitesimal talk
hale bop alula
ipod you
thanking delusion
chiniqua
circuitious
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the reflex
oh that kind of house
would you mind?
naked
excuse me ladies
is that egg on your face?
boy genius
questions aren't dumb
the wedding toast (part i)
andy gibb is coming
ring the bell sir
the party line
i need penis problems
grab a kneeler
drive faster mom!
white castle
heat sucks
the wrong question
special hole
you order wrong
who's circumcised

THE LAST WORD
< prev next >
CAST: marty and troy
SETTING:   couch
SCENE: marty and i are lazing about when the following life discussion breaks out.

MARTY
when i die, i want all my organs donated and then for my body to be cremated.

TROY
really?

MARTY
yes. really!

TROY
ok. it's done.

(long pause)

MARTY
and ...

TROY
and what? i said i was on it.

MARTY
no, what about you? what would you like done when you die?

TROY
i want to be frozen.

MARTY
frozen?

TROY
yes. frozen.

MARTY
i'm not going to freeze you.

TROY
why not?

MARTY
it's not practical.

TROY
it's as practical as giving all your pieces away.

MARTY
it's nothing like donating my organs.

TROY
marty, the flaw in your thinking is your organs are not yours to donate. you didn't acquire them. they were given to you and you don't fully understand the nature of that gift and therefore are not technically in a position to redistribute the pieces. what happens when you die and show up at new dead person orientation and they go to send you on to your next assignment and see that you're missing half your stuff? they're going to freak. and they're going to tell you exactly what i just told you. that stuff wasn't yours to give away and now you're screwed because you needed those parts where you're going and now you don't have them. way to go miss garage sale.

MARTY
i'm not having you frozen.

TROY
you have to. you asked what was my wish and that is my wish, so now you have to.

MARTY
do you have any idea how much it costs to cryogenically preserve a human being?

TROY
i'm insured.

MARTY
not by me you're not.



THE LAST WORD
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