MARTY
i was going to switch to contacts but then my doctor said i couldn't.

TROY
did he say why?

MARTY
not really. i told him i had them before but he said something changed.

TROY
i know my eyes have gone haywire in the last five years.

MARTY
i swear, i have the eyes and vagina of an 80 year old woman.

TROY
uhhhm. i don't think you have the vagina of an 80 year old woman.

MARTY
how many 80 year old vaginas have you seen?

TROY
ok. fair point. but that begs the question of how many 80 year old vaginas you have seen which leads you to think you're sporting one.

MARTY
i know because my doctor told me.

TROY
your doctor said you have the vagina of an 80 year old woman?

MARTY
yep.

and this supports my steadfast rule of letting as few people as possible look at my penis. i mean a comment like that could seriously put an end to a fella.

in retelling this story to a young friend she said, "oh my god. her doctor said that to her? she needs to get a new doctor." i explained that the doctor wasn't the problem. it was marty. and no matter what doctor she went to, in time, she would get that sort of honesty because that is just who marty is. in full disclosure, it was a breast-feeding thing more than anything and temporary and there are more bendy turns to this story, lots more, which i will be sharing in the near-term.

but back to marty being marty. the above picture was taken when we were in utah last spring break. we had a day off from skiing and were going to go to a nearby park to play. bella begged off saying she was having a full rest day and not doing anything or going anywhere. shortly after getting to the park this young group of men showed up and started peeling off shirts for a soccer scrimmage. marty nudged me

MARTY
hey take my picture with these guys in the background.

TROY
why?

MARTY
so i can send it to bella and tell her she should have come to the park with us.

my girl may have the vagina of an 80 year old woman, but she still has the mischievous spirit of a seven year old boy.