Today, August 21, 2025, I'm driving our youngest child to college. Anfer is our first to leave home for school, though will thankfully, only be a few hours away. Marta and I view this as the end of our high-impact parenting years and will likely celebrate the moment with a high-five. Our years as parents have been rich in laughter, memory, fulfillment, and yes, of course, effort.

A few random notes about this last summer with children, Anfer specifically. 

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On graduation day, the high school had an all-night lock-in, which Anfer, the recent, successful commencement speaker, attended. When it was done, he sat in the student parking lot with two friends and talked as the sun lifted over the high school building. During this, two were sitting on the ground facing one another and the third casually circled them on a skateboard. They then closed the day and their high school careers with breakfast at a local diner. 

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When Anfer came home from the all-nighter, we met at the door.

TROY
I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that you gave the commencement address at your high school graduation. 

ANFER
Wow. I had a strange dream too. I dreamt that Collette shaved her head after the ceremony. 

It turns out both of those things actually happened. 

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When Anfer woke up midday after the all-nighter,  I asked him to join me in my office. Once seated, I began telling him how proud I was of him, and how what he did, writing such a powerful speech and presenting it in front of thousands of people, like it was something he’d done a dozen times before, was one of the most impressive human feats I’d ever seen firsthand. In the middle of trying to express these things, I got choked up and could not continue. Anfer stood, came to me, and put a hand on my shoulder.  I stood, and he gave me a hug. He thanked me for the kind words and said we could finish our talk later. 

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In ruminating on Tony’s high school experience, I thought about how it began and ended.

I told the story before about how Anfer wanted to walk to school and how the day before his first day, we made the commute together so I could show him how to use our city subway and the way to the school (as he had no phone and wasn’t sure of the route). When we finally arrived (after an hour) at the school, it was fully deserted except for the principal who was weeding the flower bed at the school’s entrance. After we parted ways, Anfer chastised me for saying a swear word in front of the man, his high school principal, and said I might have just fouled his experience and options by making such a bad first impression. 

Four years later, that weed-pulling principal announced the same young student as his school’s commencement speaker. Either I didn’t foul the waters too badly with my ill-advised swear or our Anfer is just that dang impressive. 

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Anfer made grand use of his summer months, our last summer as parents of children, being out of the house visiting with soon-to-be departing friends just about every single day of the summer. And with that, our Anfer and our youngest end their adolescence and begin their adult journey.

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In regard to my comment about ending our "high-impact" parenting years, let me share an example using Aleo. Alex came to me a few months ago and contritely said that he got a speeding ticket the night before. I asked some details about what happened and ended by saying that sucked. He then set his keys on my desk. I looked at them and asked what he was doing. He said he figured he lost his car privileges because of the ticket. I chuckled and said what he lost was not his right to drive but instead around five hundred bucks which is what it was going to cost him to deal with the ticket. I then handed him his keys and welcomed him to adulthood.