As we prepare to don our thinking caps for the coming holiday season, I thougth I'd share a few recent wins I've had on the gift-giving front. Perhaps it may help any with a blank space or two in their gifting spreadsheet this season (I mean, you do have a gifting spreadsheet, right?).

THE CHALLENGE
Many would agree that finding gifts, let alone inspired gifts, is one of the most challenging things we collectively do. For a number of legitimate reasons, it is just hard. Some years ago I decided I wanted to be a better gift-giver because if it is something I gotta do for the rest of my years, why not make an effort to do it notably? In these line-in-sand moments, step one for me has always been to ask people, all people, about their relationship with the topic I'm studying. What are the most memorable and appreciated gifts they’ve ever received or better yet, what are the best gifts they've ever given? In all of my chats with people I've come upon some enviable examples, one of which was shared a few days ago. But the most concise intel I ever recieved came from best friend (and stellar gift-giver himself), bookpimp.  There can be a number of reasons why this is. It’s too expensive. They can’t find it. They think it is too frivolous. They are too embarrassed to buy it. Or maybe they don’t even know they need it (love those the most). But if you can put this coveted object in their hands, it will be appreciated and remembered. 

So this sounds remarkably simple, but as with many theories, once you throw it on life's playing field, things get unsimple fast. One of the most common and problematic situations is buying presents for people who get, or are able to get pretty much whatever they want. Wether it is buying for a parent, a boss, an affluent friend or buying for someone who is always buying for themselves, the waters are challenging.

THE HOME-SPUN GIFT
But here I think preschool taught us something we can use to our advantage. Preschool teachers fully embrace this imbalance yet still manage to produce smiles and hugs every christmas and fathers/mothers day. Their secret? The hand-made, personalized gift. To a harried parent, unwrapping a mysterious card from under the tree to find a hand-cut, construction-paper framed photo of your toothy-smiling child is very likely to produce a pleased parent AND kiddo ("I made that!"). Why are we so quick to leave a working model that has decades of success behind that glue-glittered wrapping paper?

This occurred to me a few years back after seeing the torment my kids went through before the holidays or a parent or sibling’s birthday. I felt for the added friction and mental toil it added to their days. In attempt to lessen this annual burden, I recently made a declaration to my children—going forward, in the way of gifts, I only wanted things from them that they made. No more store-bought gifts. And not just now but forever. I didn’t care what if it was a photograph, a Play-Doh sculpture, a drawing, a non kit-based lego-build, or even a story (please, oh please, make it a story); it just had to be something they made and that was not purchased. 

My kids took this request in with some curiosity, glancing at one another as I explained. Christmas was the first test. They. Did. Not. Disappoint. Each wrote a story (it seems they know their father decently well). It was natural enough to do the readings over Christmas dinner—potentially making it a new ritual. If there is a downside, I have the sense I cried less during christmas meals before this tradition. Baya wrote a piece called “From Cuddles to Breakfasts with Dad" that chronciled how our relationship has evolved from her being a small child to a post-college professional. Aleo wrote a funny and equally moving piece called "What Life's Like with Troy and Marty as Parents". And Anfer shared a hysterically raunchy story that may qualify as the most irreverent tale ever told over Christmas cranberries—it is even too scandalous and personal to share here. Before reading it, he had to say to his mother, “Mom, I need you to take off your teacher hat and put on your Mom hat” because his tale involved students Marty knew.

As an added bonus, Anfer extended this and made gifts for others too. The one I most remember is what he gave Bella. He interviewed a bunch of his friends, asking each the question, “What brings you joy?” From this, he built a slide show that pictured the person with their answer and played it for Bella. The reason Tony chose that question is that is the question his sister asks all new people she meets. If there is a downside to Anfer's thoughtfulness, it is that Bella probably used to cry less during morning gift exchanges.

THE MICRO-EXPERIENCE
But if you do not want to make something, another thing you hear a lot about is giving people experiences. I have never had much luck with this because the few times I tried, things tended to get overly complex. A trip to Nova Scotia (cancelled). Courses at community college or craft houses, for like woodworking or glass blowing (too long-running). Horseback lessons (too scary for dad). Concerts on future dates (conflict-risky). The list goes on.

I decided to give this gift-genre another try to see if I was botching it. So I revisited it with the intention of thinking smaller and thus hopefully making it more managable. Last year I came up with the following, what I call, micro-experiences. Before going on I should add that I am firmly anti-gift-certificate so it probably took me longer to land here than it maybe should have.

Dinner Party
I gave each of my children a gift certificate to a restaurant. The restaurants were places I knew they all liked. I added an important stipulation—they had to take their siblings to the dinner. They recently did their first one. Since I wasn't at the meal, all I can report is my 23, 21, and 18 year old children left the house laughing and when they returned hours later, they were still laughing, so to Marty and I, dinner party outing number one appeared successful. Curiously, it is very rarely just the three of them, and they all do get along perfectly well, so that turned out a bit more special than I initially thought it would be.

Couples Massage
I gave two couples massage certificates. One to Bella and Anthony and the other to Marta and Alex. These are set up so they would each get massaged in the same room at the same time. This idea emanated from a ritual between Bella and Anthony where, when we were all sitting around, one of them would look at the other and say five-for-five. Five for five has them take turns giving each other massages for five minutes. When the timer goes off, they trade roles. At the end of each ten minute set, one of them will inevitably say, “Another round?” which is more than not met with a heck yeah!

Awesome Human Award
I gave each member of my family a $50 bill and said that over the next year, they had to gift that to someone they saw doing some generous, helpful, or impressive act. I stipulated they could not give it to someone asking for money. It has to be someone doing something meaningful, or kind, or doing a hard/thankless job well. Then, at next year’s Christmas dinner, everyone will share who they gave their money to and why. It has been fun as people announce that they gave their money away. I excitedly ask for details but am firmly told I have to wait for Christmas dinner to hear about their person. What a dumb rule.

IN SUMMATION
So if you have any holes in your shopping list, perhaps one of the things above might spark an idea. And, if none of those caught your fancy or seem like a fit for you or yours, another absolutely vital thing to know on the gifting-front is they are again making Far Side desk calendars, so if you still find yourself pinched, no one ever went wrong gifting someone 365 days of Gary Larsen's charm and wit. Shop well, shop early.