i was walking to my office when bella, who was using marty's computer, stopped me. she said i had to see this. she said it was so awesome. i pulled up a chair and sat next to her. she had a youtube video cocked and ready. the moment i was situated and looked at the screen, she hit play. three seconds into the video she paused it, turned to me and launched into a verbal dissertation that went something like this, "so down at ellie's we were listening to this guy justin bieber and he is sooooo amazing and such a good singer and you'll totally like him dad and isabel has all of his albums. and ... and ... well just listen." she then clicked the mouse button a third time and re-started the video which lit up her widely smiling face. while it played the following conversation ensued:

TROY
which one is he ???

BELLA (pointing at the screen)
that one.

TROY
the one in green?

BELLA
yes.

TROY
but isn't that a girl?

BELLA
no it's not a girl, that's a boy.

TROY
it is?

BELLA
yes it is.

(pause)

TROY
is it a girl pretending to be a boy or a for real boy?

BELLA
it's a for real boy dad.

TROY
really?

BELLA
yes, really. now just listen.

TROY
but why's he wearing makeup?

MARTY (in a cautioning tone)
troy ...

TROY (whispering to bella)
but why's he wearing makeup?

BELLA
i don't know. he just does a lot.

i then commented on how young he looked, bella told me that he hasn't had his period yet. marty corrected her by saying he hasn't gone though puberty yet (although i'm not convinced bella needed correcting). but then marty added that she thought he was sixteen. sixteen! now i'm not one to mock how fast or slow someone develops. i didn't get a second chest hair until i was thirty two, but this kid looks about two months older than alex, and alex is seven.

the second video bella showed me had one of the best lyrics i ever, ever, ever heard. it wasn't sung by the mascara kid but by a human who goes by the name ludicrous, which for once really couldn't be a more suitable name.

She had me going crazy, oh I was star-struck,
she woke me up daily, don't need no Starbucks!

i've yet to hear that line (and i've since heard it plenty) without responding with a genuine chortle.

during the third video, bella and i debated who between the love interest and justin was wearing more make-up (spoiler-alert: justin won, over-manicured hands down).

and if you're like me and wondered why there has been such an increase in adult women (teachers) taking up with their twelve year old students, i think this boy-child may play a part. all the women starring opposite him in these videos look to be twenty five and as noted, he appears to be closing in (albeit fast) on his first period.

in the end, i guess i now know how dads of the 70's felt about shawn cassidy and dad's of the eighties felt about george michael. i'm fine going on record saying i woulda preferred a hip-bucking, pelvis-swiveling elvis. at least with elvis, dads knew what the score was and you didn't have to question silly things like age, gender, or if he'd rather be friended by a mary or a harry.