PART 4 - What to get the person who has everything.
(In case you missed part 3, it is here)

We all know someone we might describe in this way. And it happens for a couple of reasons. Sometimes, if there is something they want, they just buy it the moment they want it. Then you have the other end of the spectrum of people who don't seem to want or need much of anything. Do you remember the refrigerator guy? For those in your life that fall into one of these buckets or some ticklish spot in between, perhaps one of the following strategies can help.

MAKE THEM SOMETHING
Draw something. Knit something. Build something. Write something. Cook something. Just make something you know how to make. The best thing about a personally crafted gift is its one-of-a-kindness. If you made it, there is no other thing just like that on the planet.

Marty recently shared a gift idea that falls into this camp. She remembered that earlier in the year one of her girlfriend's sons had said how much he liked Marty's breakfast muffins (which we ALWAYS have a fresh supply of in our kitchen). So for this boy, and for little reason beyond he is a sweet kid, Marty is making him six fresh muffins and will include in the delivery the recipe as well as a container to keep a ready-supply of batter in (a most critical part to any successful breakfast muffin kitchen). I doubt there is a second seventeen year old on this planet that will be receiving that precise gift this year (or any other year for that matter).

GIFT THEM AN EXPERIENCE
Get them tickets to a show and dinner. Or a few nights in a BnB to a destination you think they might enjoy. Or an invitation to a porterhouse dinner at your house. This would often be something they might not get for themselves but would provide a long-standing memory for them (that you made happen).

One of my favorites of this sorts is getting people massages who have never had massages. A few decades ago, I got one for my friend Bookguy (not to be confused with my friend Bookpimp) but gave it on the condition that when he got the massage he had to get totally naked. I added this minor clause for my own amusement. No one said that you can't get some entertainment from your gifts too.

STOCK THEM UP
Find out what some of their favorite things are and load them up. Always see them popping juicy fruit gum, get them a case. Observe they only wear Adidas sweats on the weekends, get them a fresh pair. Notice they nervously chew on their pens, load them up with a 100-pack, so they always have a pristine nubbin at hand. We all have our comfort-items and sometimes it is nice to get a pass on re-filling the supply.

Anthony surprised me this year when he shared a gift he was architeching for an 8th grade classmate. Anfer has a friend who loves chicken McNuggets. So Anthony, who has just started exploring our town on his bike, mapped out a route to the closest McDonalds from our house (which it turns out isn't that close). He was going to bike there, get some nuggets, and then bike to his friends house and surprise drop them off. From that story, I don't know what impressed me most. Anthony's iniative to think that whole thing up or his independence on planning to do it all on his own without asking for a drip of help from Marty or I. I believe that should Anthony pull that off, his friend will remember that gesture for, possibly, decades to come.

GET THEM NOTHING
In a perfect world, we would have the freedom to bow out of the obligatory gift exchange on any year and with zero explanation. Of course, some people would be tricky to get such a pass for, like a spouse or a child, but you hopefully know them well enough to be able to come up with an idea or two. But it is those folks on the periphery we might not know as well but have a history of exchanging presents. I have a few relationships where we used to routinely give gifts, and now we don't. Honestly, I don't recall how that happened. But in that lack of memory, I believe, is the answer. What happened is one year, one of us did not get the other a gift, and that re-defined the relationship. I know there wasn't some uncomfortable conversation around it because I'm like Rain Man when it comes to remembering uncomfortable conversations. So, I know that is one way to get it done. And if the relationship can't survive this shift, well, then how good of a friendship could it have possibly been.

As they say, it is the thought that counts. We sometimes get hung up on something needing to be fancy or expensive. We have marketing and media to blame for that. In the end, have it be thoughtful on some level, and you should be good.

Lastly, a curious safety-net with each of the above things is that even if you miss the mark in a gift, it can result in a good story between you and the person. Fact is, the misses often prove more memorable than a simple and safe choice. Here's an example. Several years back, for entirely legitimate reasons, Marty did not have time to get me a proper birthday gift ¹. In a last-minute scramble, she came up with the first viable need she saw in my life. After my dinner and birthday song, Marty and the kids told me to close my eyes because my present was too big to wrap. I did as asked, a little tantalized at what this huge thing could be. In time I was told to open my eyes. I did. Before me sat four brand new laundry baskets. I imagine the look on my face invited what followed, which was an explanation about how ratty our current laundry baskets were and these were the nicest ones out there, and since I do the laundry and I'm all about having "the right tools" to do my work, Marty thought I would like some lovely, new laundry baskets.

That happened more than ten years ago, and in our family, it is the present all presents are measured against. If anyone questions something they got, any member in my family will casually say, "Well, it's not like it's a laundry basket." Marty stopped defending her purchase several years back and may have even been heard to use the laundry basket comparison a time or two herself.

¹ Please do not read any judgment here as Marty struggled on my birthday one time, and I have botched her birthday at least a half-dozen times and in much worse ways than the laundry baskets. I got a pass because there were no witnesses as we didn't have kids yet. I also get a pass because as the family historian and the one who writes all of these stories, I have the benefit of protecting (and erecting) my reputation ;-) So let it be known that Marty has loved all of the gifts I have given her so much, it has entirely made up for the years where it may have looked like I forgot her birthday altogether.

NEXT Part 5 - There's a system for that