i'm a regimented person. so much so that people mock and ridicule me for the amount of structure in my life. i have talked to many people who say that sort of daily rigor is not for them--even if we have just discussed some challenge in their life where a routine is the exact answer to a problem they might be battling. this is most certainly my family's position on this matter. dad's schedules are fine for dad but not for me/us. i've long stopped fighting people on it. we all gotta strike our own path.

that said, there are obvious complications when your schedule touches my schedule. this was the case several years back when our family was on a week-long vacation in the colorado mountains. given how outnumbered i am i tend to sit back and let the days unfold as they will-- the fact is, i mean vacation is meant to offer a break from your daily routines, no. but, after enjoying a few open-format days, the wheels came off our familial wagon and relations began to devolve (rapidly). after seeing this, i thought we needed to adjust our approach and the next day i scratched out a schedule for the family which included meals, a hike, some downtime and ending the day with a movie on the mountain cabin's large screen tv. i left my plan on the kitchen counter where i was sure everyone would see it. unlike the prior day(s), this planned day was most lovely, and i spied multiple moments where someone would go to the kitchen to consult the schedule and see what was ahead or how much longer they had to, say, read their book before the next event. i don't force schedules on everyone, but when things start falling apart for us, it is surely one of my go-to solutions (as i like to say in lots of situations -- it is your game to lose).

the boys and i just spent eight days out west skiing. marty and bella stayed back for spring break to look at colleges. this would the be longest stretch marty would be separated from her two sons, like, ever. it would also be the longest stretch i was a solo-parent, like, ever. i was excited and nervous about the week.

after waking the first morning, long before anyone else in the house was up, i stepped through my morning rituals, one of which was my design window (think journaling). the question of the day was what do i want for this week between me and my boys. all sorts of obvious things got noted, but one was i wanted it to be a memorable and enjoyable time for all. i knew in my head i had a notion of what this might mean from day to day but realized that my sons, aged 14 and 11, really had no specific sense for what the week would look like. knowing how unsettled that would make me, i took the time to draw up a daily schedule for the week so alex and anthony could know what to expect from day to day--namely because i would feel better knowing what to expect each day.

so when the boys woke up i welcomed them to this new day, an extra special day as it was the first day of a week-long ski trip. we lazed in bed and cuddled and giggled and shared our hopes for the week (and talked about their first ever plane ride that happened the day before). i then shared with them the weekly schedule. they glanced at it in a half-interested way and set it aside. i commented on how little attention they paid to it. they were confused by my interest. i told them i was surprised by how little they cared about our plans. they said we were skiing and i would tell them when we were going and when we'd be back. didn't they want to know the whens, the how longs? it turns out they didn't. they knew that i would keep track of it all and tell them when we had to leave and what we had to do next. i confessed that it would make me crazy, not knowing what was coming. not them. they knew i had a plan. i guess that is one of the evils of adulthood (the responsibility bit) and the great boon of childhood (having to worry about nary a thing).

but let's be clear. this is not the first time this schedule situation has played out. and another important part of the story is when i create a schedule like this, i will spy my family consulting it pretty routinely, no matter how cavalier they may act towards it. and as you can see on this one from our 2018 ski trip, towards the end of the week, anthony made his own addition about our final day where we were scheduled to return home, which to me may be the most telling thing about the whole ritual.