my uncle tim had two grandpas. one was a minister and one worked the train lines.

when tim went to the minister grandpa's house as a kid, the three children in the family (tim, my mother and their sister) would sit stone-still while the adults caught up. i remember my mom telling stories about how tim, the family prankster, would try to get the girls to make noise. he would whisper funny things or pinch their thighs and when they would giggle or squeal he would be looking dead ahead, acting just as surprised and dissapointed as the adults at the unexpected racket.

his other grandpa worked on the train line as many men did in those days and travelled all over that part of the country. when his work would take him to the town where tim's family lived, he would go to their house during his break to visit his children and grandchildren. when time afforded, he would take his grandkids down to the station to watch the action pointing out things like the impossible-seeming but graceful collection of a hanging mail bag with a long stick as the speeding train raced past. and if he came through town and tim's family was out, he would go to the neighborhood grocery, come back and toilet paper their house so when they did come home they would know they missed him.

which grandpa would you rather be?

and yes as you might guess i'm already studying people in this regard, collecting information to see what kind of grandpa i would like to be when the time comes. this is something i have long done, and something i think we all do, watching people occupying roles we will one day experience whether is is married people, parents, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, elders, homeowners, employees, or just about anyone in any role we will one day have. whenever the kids comment on a rule or choice marty or i make, marty says, "good, you can add that to the list of things you won't do when you're a parent". the children never seem to find that response overly satisfying, though i imagine they will one day down the line be able to better appreciate the sentiment (if not use it themselves with their own children).

this particular role, being a grandparent and/or parent of older kids is a routine topic of discussion between marty and i because we see so many people grouse about their parents and their crusty ways, reporting difficulties in the relationships, or at the least report not enjoying the relationships as much as we might hope to. the list of specific complaints is truly too long to ever iterate through (even the web doesn't have enough disk for that) and both marty and i are desperate to avoid that fate.

granted, you have to be true to who you are--i don't ever see myself toilet papering one of my grown kid's homes (marty yes, me no)--but as with all things, i hope to be the best version of me i can be, and my future role as a parent of adult children and grandchildren is certainly no exception.