tld
a story and conversation repository (est. 2000)
  
 
ONE PERCENT
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CAST anthony (11) and troy
SETTING marty's office
SCENE anthony calls out to me as i'm passing by one morning before school.
ANTHONY
dad. did you know the human body is made up of 75% plasma?

TROY
what. i thought it was mostly water.

ANTHONY
oh. wait. that is just your blood.

TROY
yeah. that didn't sound right. mostly because i'm made up of 95% awesome.

ANTHONY
and 1% reality.
NOTE nothing like starting your day by getting completely, absolutely, unequivocally verbally annihilated by your 11 year old child.
Published
June 04, 2018
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i prefer the term mature
  
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priceless
  
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Gotta
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Take your best shot
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Don't do that
Hello doctor
super spanx
father knows best
brick-dumb
make marty happy
quick tongue
the universal language
siblings
honesty, honestly
priceless
one percent
i prefer the term mature
ice-balls
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comfort-what?
have you seen my manhood
front yard
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smarts
worm-age
watch out
too sharp
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dream fail
what are you, a comedian
you're what?
awesome II
awesome
hands where i can see 'em
a phase
left field
logic
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humiliated
jack, you're in
slackers need not apply
how does this work
rat-fink
olden days
rockwell christmas
me-minus
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player
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new game
boyfriend
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battle
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don't walk
misdirected
potty words
unexpected
critique
thursday morning
bathroom words
acting out
got milk?
problem solving
timing
totally awesome
dry meat
the c-word
beatdown
mouthache
punked
good to know
adults only
take your meds
onslaught
enjoy your anger
crystal clear
pint size pi
good thinking
i get your wieners
incompetence
oh yeah
shame on you
street credit
get your ass out here
uhhhhmmm
daredevil's club
found
schooled
once upon a time
stand-off
philosophies
sleeping naked
short-lived
keep it down up there
little things
eighteen years
multi-purpose
old (part ii)
curious
no secrets
adolescence
old
sugar-coated
new mom
outmatched
different
mercial
confused
calling home
oma
flavored and scented
try again
just a child
a pack of lies
now?
i'm not sleeping there
smart, smart girl
don't feed the animals
free pizza
the bedtime story
currency
you should know
dinner-table biology
dad has to go
three shows
remedial self-help
the last word
look before you leak
a gooder name
can i keep this?
missing keri
three percenter
things that are yellow
adopt you
37 years in 5 minutes
finish pooping please
marcher
warrior, part II
go hide
be a warrior
you rang
your name's what?
motherhood
how'd that get in there?
i don't do that
i gotta know
i don't like that
confused (part I)
show me
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life post-larry
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I gotta go!
easy money
thanks for telling me
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HE'S ONLY FIVE!
you in the closet?
reach into daddy's pocket
look into my eyes
IS THAT MY TOOTHBRUSH?
overall funk
talk to my people
it's also neat
IS THERE ANY OTHER KIND
DID YOU READ THAT ARTICLE
THE EXCHANGE STUDENT
HEY BOO-BOO
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i said no!
may i have your attention?
i have a question
but it's dirty
that explains it
museum naked
feelin' sexy
little bo sheep
infinitesimal talk
hale bop alula
ipod you
thanking delusion
chiniqua
circuitious
what did you say?
the reflex
oh that kind of house
would you mind?
naked
excuse me ladies
is that egg on your face?
boy genius
questions aren't dumb
the wedding toast (part I)
andy gibb is coming
ring the bell sir
the party line
i need penis problems
grab a kneeler
drive faster mom!
white castle
heat sucks
the wrong question
special hole
you order wrong
who's circumcised
trans
trans
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