TROY
do you have any coke?

PAT THE BROTHER
huh?

TROY
you know, coke. or crystal meth will do in a pinch.

PAT THE BROTHER
well...?

TROY
i'm joking. i'm looking for a coke as in a coca-cola, as in a soda.

PAT THE BROTHER
oh. well i don't but darkman snuck a cooler in full of them. they're sitting under the head table up there.

TROY
thanks. you'll please excuse me, i have a coke to steal in that i haven't drank this much water since i was twelve and am about to to do something brash because of it.

(i walk to the front table, find the cooler and help myself to a smuggled can of coca-cola. as i'm walking away, darkman, bringer of the liquid gold, stops me).

DARKMAN
that'll be sixty cents for the soda.

TROY
sixty cents? shit, at this point i'd pay you six dollars for this thing.

DARKMAN'S WIFE (appearing on other side of me)
sure, i'll dance with you.

TROY (as i notice she's talking to me)
dance with who? me?

DARKMAN'S WIFE
yes you. it'll make your wife jealous that you'll dance with me and not her.

TROY
are we talking about high school-like dancing cuz that's about all i know how to do?

DARKMAN'S WIFE
sure.

(i put the coke in my front pocket and move to the center of the dance floor. as we assume our positions, i feel the can press against my thigh.)

TROY
i feel obligated to tell you that i do have a can of soda in my front pocket.

DARKMAN'S WIFE
and, i thought i had discovered an unknown asset of yours.

TROY
perhaps, but it would only take you a moment to discover that said asset was a touch on the ice-cold side, therefore making it a little less of an asset.