THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY
what religion are you?

TROY
i'm a crealutionist?

THE SMART ONE
crealutionist? what's that?

TROY
it's my religion that i made up. and as soon as i get some time i'm going to get me some followers.

THE SMART ONE
it sounds a little cultish to me.

TROY
they're all cults.

THE SMART ONE
what?! no they're not.

TROY
sure they are. you know what the difference between a religion and cult is? the number of members. if there were only twenty catholics running around you know what you got? a cult. drinking the blood of christ. what kind of vampyric crap is that?

THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY
whatever. the reason i ask is that i saw a picture on your website that had a jewish star on it and was wondering...

TROY
oh that! no that was just a christmas tin at my mother-in-law's house. during the holidays she makes like a thousand cookies and gives them to all her kids so she needs gobs of tins and that was just one of them.

THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY
oh. well, i thought you were a closet jew.

TROY
i wish i was a closet jew.

THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY
but, even before seeing that, there were a couple of times i thought you might secretly be jewish.

TROY
wow!?! i've never been told that. and i mean ever! and i've been told a lot of things.

THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY
you know if i had made shindler's list i would have cast you as ...

TROY
shindler?

THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY
no, not him. the ben kingsley guy.

TROY
i don't look anything like him.

THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY
yeah, i don't know. there's something there. maybe it's the rimless glasses.

TROY
so if i wore horn-rimmed glasses i'd no longer be jewish.

THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY
well, maybe it's the patches on your sweater too.